Ilan felt the corner of his lip quirk up. “So, every time I need to tell you fucked up news, get injured first?”
“Don’t,” Julian warned, then he shifted around and settled against the headboard next to him. “It’s going to be weird for me. I mean, you and my dad. But…it also feels like it was always meant to happen—and god, please never tell Corinne that.”
Ilan laughed, then winced because the pain was starting to creep in. He laid his temple against Julian’s shoulder and closed his eyes. “Trust me, I’m not looking forward to facing her. Is she here?”
“Just me and Archer. Rex and Shen are at the hotel.”
Ilan winced and turned his face away. “I fucked up your holiday.”
A warm hand touched his cheek, and Ilan leaned into it, letting himself feel relief in the closeness of the friend he’d been desperately missing. “Nothing was fucked up. I wanted to be with the both of you, but I was trying to give you space—which I can see was a dumb thing to do.”
Ilan laughed quietly. “We should have come.”
“Next year,” Julian said. “This year, we have a few more nights of Chanukah. Archer said he knows a good latke recipe, and Dad’s neighbor brought over some homemade applesauce for you.”
“Didn’t get the light the chanukiah tonight,” Ilan said quietly, and Julian threaded their fingers together and squeezed.
“It was lit when we got in. I saw it burning in the window.”
Ilan didn’t need to ask who’d done it. His heart beat hard, in a rhythm of two syllables—a name that would always live there, a person it would always beat for. “I really do love him, you know.”
Julian pressed a kiss to Ilan’s temple and smiled. “Yeah. I know.”
Epilogue
Ilan couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt uncomfortable with strangers. His job had quickly cooked that out of him, and now it felt natural to take a seat next to someone he’d only conversed with once or twice and offer a smile.
His arm still ached, the cold air making the pin in his wrist more uncomfortable than he anticipated, but the fact that he was at Fredric’s, and the house was full of the people he loved, took the edge off it. He’d seen Rex through the kitchen window as he started the coffee maker, and then he looked just beyond at the beach where Archer and Julian were sitting on the sand throwing the ball for Bas.
There was something like longing in Rex’s expression, and it was what drove Ilan outside, even if he wasn’t sure he was welcome. “Do you miss Paris yet?” he asked.
Rex lifted a brow, and the corner of his mouth rose, but not enough to call it a smile. “I was just happy to see my brother. It didn’t need to be there.”
“I get that,” Ilan said, and his gaze drifted out to the couple again. He wondered if they were talking about stars—if Julian ever got tired of hearing about them, if Archer’s love ever settled down into a low simmer. “He seems happy that you’re here.”
It was small talk, but it wasn’t a lie. The last few days, he’d been more introspective as he watched the small gathering of people in Fredric’s home. Rex and Shen weren’t staying with them—they’d gotten a couple rooms at a hotel not far from the water. But they were there from dawn to dusk and sometimes a while after, and Ilan had seen the way Archer looked more relaxed than he had the last time they’d been together.
“It’s hard being away,” Rex said after a beat. His voice was low, rough. He was Fredric’s age, but Ilan could see a heavier weight on his shoulders, and he knew that came with the office he held. “It’s been hard since he left.”
Ilan let out a small sigh. “Julian and I didn’t spend every waking moment together. Hell, we barely got one day a month with my schedule. But knowing I can’t just…you know…”
“Open and door and find him there?” Rex offered.
Ilan let out a small laugh. “Yeah. It was harder on me than I thought it was going to be.” He bit his lip and leaned back, scratching at the edge of his cast. “You did well with him.”
Rex turned slightly and lifted a brow. “Pardon?”
“With Archer. I mean, I know uh…the whole thing with Julian was kind of a shit-show.”
At that, Rex barked a laugh. “You mean when he pretended to be a working man?”
Ilan flushed, because he’d been the one to hire the guy, so he couldn’t exactly play innocent. “I was ready to hate him when the truth came out. Julian had already been through so fucking much, and I’d never seen his heart break like that. But I could tell it wasn’t over.”
“They owe you,” Rex said gruffly. “Julian told me he wouldn’t have gone after Archer if you hadn’t convinced him to do it.”
“He was being nice,” Ilan argued, but his heart swelled a little bit anyway. “Archer had already proved to Julian he was worth fighting for. Julian’s just a stubborn bastard sometimes.”
Rex’s lip twitched again. “So is my brother.”
“Well, I assume he gets all that from you. At least, I can see where he gets the charm, Daddy Rex.”
Rex choked a little and dragged a hand down his face. “God…”
Ilan couldn’t help his laugh. “Don’t worry, that’s not going to be a thing here. Just like I promised Julian I won’t make him call me Dad now.”
Rex’s mouth this time did lift into a smile. “And how does he feel about that?”
Ilan wanted to say that Julian supported them with all the confidence in the world, because Julian had told him he did. But Ilan had a feeling there would always be that small twinge of worry that Julian was just being nice to keep the peace. Because he’d been doing that for most of his life.
“He loves me,” Ilan said after a while, “and he loves his dad. I think more than anything else, he wants us to be happy.”
“I know that feeling well,” Rex said. He crossed his arms, and his gaze drifted out toward the water. Julian and Archer had moved on, and all that was left was the fading glow of the sunset coming from behind them. “I was the first person who held Archer when he was born. I named him.” His voice went quiet. “My mother handed him off to the nurses at the hospital and the nannies at home. They were never particularly affectionate with me, either, but I remember a bedtime story or two.” He dragged his tongue over his bottom lip. “I knew Archer was never going to get that from them. I don’t want to say it was a blessing that they died…”
“But you can think of worse things?” Ilan offered.
Rex winced, but he nodded all the same. “There are too many days I feel like I failed him, but it’s hard to even remember them now that he’s happy. It doesn’t feel like he’s running away anymore.”
Ilan softened and turned, getting a good look at the man. He didn’t look old now. Just tired, and maybe a little lonely.
“He wants me to start looking. Dating,” Rex clarified, wrinkling his nose. “He understands that I don’t have time right now but…my term isn’t going to last forever.”