“Your son’s coming, right?” she asked. “But it won’t be for a while?” Fredric nodded and remembered he needed to let Julian know. “If his injuries are minor, they’re probably going to send him home. I’ll stay until we know when. Then I can drive you.”
Fredric tried for a smile, but it felt like a grimace, though he managed a laugh when she dragged him into a hug. The best outcome of a bad situation—it was all he could have hoped for, and he supposed that for the first time ever, his prayers had been answered.
Chapter 26
It was nearly forty minutes before someone came to get Fredric, and Agatha said she was going to wander off to find food as Fredric and Bas followed the nurse through the doors. The hallway was quiet and sounded a lot larger than he knew it was. He could hear low voices, pinging monitors, and the smell was too familiar from the weeks he spent in recovery.
He avoided the hospital as often as he could most days, and he knew he would after this for a long goddamn time. He followed the sound of her footsteps as they turned two corners, and eventually Bas slowed to a stop as she did.
“The bed’s straight in front of you. About, oh…”
“Bas can find it,” Fredric told her before she could guess the number of paces to the bed. Sighted people never got it right, and he’d given up trying to follow their counted directions in his twenties. “Thank you. Sebastian, find the bed,” he commanded.
Brushing past a hanging curtain, Ilan’s bed was only three short steps away. Bas’ nose guided his hand to the railing, and he trailed over it, feeling an IV line that led him to Ilan’s fingers. He was limp, and the monitors behind him were silent, which Fredric took to mean good news. He gently pressed his hand under Ilan’s, and after what felt like a literal eternity, the fingers closed around his.
“I thought the doctor was you when I first woke up.” Ilan’s voice was barely above a whisper, and it was hoarse, but it was so very alive. “He called me cute.”
“You are cute,” Fredric said, his voice choking up a little. It was mostly relief now, but all the dark, heavy emotions were waiting for a moment to himself so he could properly fall apart. “You missed our date.”
Ilan’s fingers tightened on his. “I think I have a pretty good excuse.”
“You could have gotten out of it in a far less dramatic way,” Fredric said. He brushed his hand up Ilan’s arm, cupping his face. It was the left side, so he was less delicate with his touches. “Breaking your arm, bashing your head in?”
“Trust me, this was not on my to-do list today.” Fredric heard him shift, then suck in air through his teeth, and he held a hand to the center of his chest to keep him still. “I can’t believe I had to let that fucking teenager operate on me.”
Fredric laughed, but the sound was tight, and it was accompanied with his eyes going hot again. Mortification followed, especially when Ilan reached up and brushed his thumb over his cheek. “I’m sorry,” he breathed, turning his face to nuzzle against the fingers touching his skin. “My darling, I am so sorry.”
Ilan made a soft noise. “What the hell for?”
“Everything?” Fredric offered. “For being an ass. For letting you walk out. None of this would have happened if I had…”
“Stop,” Ilan said, and he moved his hand, cupping the side of Fredric’s neck in a possessive hold. “We can talk about this later, but my injury probably would have happened no matter what. I got called in to sign some re-design form, and like an idiot, I walked into the site without any sort of protective gear. I knew better. I just…wasn’t thinking.”
Fredric closed his eyes against more tears that wanted to fall, and he waited until they’d dried up before speaking again. “Julian’s on his way.”
At that, Ilan twitched. “What?”
“He’s your emergency contact.” Fredric put his hand over Ilan’s and held it there. “He was the one who told me you were here, and he was already on his way to catch a flight.”
“Oh my god, it’s a broken arm. Why the hell is he on his way here for that?” Ilan asked, now really trying to sit up.
Fredric stopped him again. “None of us knew. He couldn’t get ahold of anyone for answers, and they wouldn’t tell me anything at the front desk. I was waiting for about an hour before the doctor came out to let me know what was going on.”
“I’m going to fucking murder that little toddler,” Ilan started, but Fredric squeezed his wrist.
“You would have been on a flight too,” he pointed out, and Ilan deflated a little. “You would have been on a plane if he stubbed his toe.”
At that, Ilan let out a scratchy, sore laugh. “Oh…whatever. Fine. They’re not keeping me though. You know that, right?”
“I assumed as much. It’s just a broken arm, after all,” he added in a wry tone, though he didn’t much feel like joking.
Ilan was quiet, and Fredric wondered if he’d said something wrong until he spoke again. “If he’s coming…then we can tell him. Face to face.”
Fredric stilled. “Is that what you want?”
“That’s what I was coming over this morning to tell you,” Ilan said, and he managed to shift a little bit closer.
Fredric felt that like a blow to the gut, the reality of it stealing his breath for a moment. “I thought you wanted to end things.”
Ilan’s fingers twitched against his. “What? Why the hell…”
“You said we need to talk. I’m an old man, but I’m not that old. I know what those words mean.”
Ilan let out a strangled noise and used his weak grip on Fredric’s shoulder to tug him forward. There was too much in the way for a proper kiss, but they brushed lips and shared a sigh for a lingering moment. “I’m such a dickhead.”
“I won’t argue too hard about that,” Fredric said, but he was smiling. After a beat, he took another huge breath. “I wasn’t going to let you walk away.”
Ilan sucked in a short breath. “You weren’t?”
“After everything I’ve been through? After how hard I’ve fallen?” He gently released Ilan’s hand and lifted his own to the younger man’s face. His skin was clammy and a little cool and felt so perfect his heart swelled in his chest. “My darling,” he murmured and brushed lips against his temple. His back ached from bending over so far, but he’d hold this position as long as it meant not being more than a centimeter apart. “I am never, ever letting you go.”
Ilan didn’t put up a fight about going back to Fredric’s and even handed over his keys to Teddy after they got through the front door and into the bedroom. Fredric couldn’t stop fussing, but mostly because he knew the moment he was still, he was going to have to feel the full brunt of everything he’d been keeping at bay.
So, he got Ilan tucked into bed, and he made him put all his medications into the pen so Fredric could find them when Ilan needed another dose. He made sure the fridge was stocked with easy to cook foods, then checked all the linen closets for towels, and finally his first aid kit for extra bandages.