Painful memories surged—of Rhys and his post-deployment nightmares, of those times he’d tried to turn to her for comfort but she was incapable of or unwilling to give it.
He went into that basement for me, and all I managed to do in return was let him down. Nothing will ever change the regret I feel about that.
She squared her shoulders. No. She wouldn’t repeat her past mistakes. It was too late for her to be there for Rhys, but she could be here for Geo. She could take every one of the painful lessons she’d learned over the past ten years and pass them on to the man now walking in her shoes.
A man she was growing to care for more each day. Through blurred eyes, she gazed at the cold, misshapen pancakes—Geo’s sweet attempt at meeting her needs even in the midst of his own distress.
She swallowed the lump in her throat. Why? Why did she have to find him now, when anything between them would be impossible? The best thing—the smart thing—would be to give him Maura’s number and let her refer him to other people who could help. No one, least of all Geo, would blame her for that.
As if he was reading her mind, his husky voice sounded behind her. “Lani? Do you want me to leave?”
She smoothed out her expression and turned to face him, her heart skipping a beat. He wore a clean, though rumpled, T-shirt and cargo shorts, his feet bare, hair damp. Despite his obvious attempt at stoicism, his eyes also shone with a vulnerability that tugged at her.
She couldn’t abandon him now. No way.
So she summoned up her most incredulous tone. “Leave? When it’s time for pancake-flipping lessons? Come here, you.” Lani extended her hand to him, a quiver going through her when he took it without hesitation. “No, I don’t want you to go. In fact, I’d like you to stay here with me as long as you’re in town.”
His eyes widened. “What?”
“Don’t go to the barracks. Stay here with me.” Suddenly, she’d never been so sure of anything in her life. “We can cook together, watch TV, talk when and if you want to...” She shrugged. “Maybe you’ll even convince me to exercise a little. No promises, though.”
Indecision had been flitting across his face, but at those last words, the mischievous look he shot her weakened her knees and stole every last bit of her breath.
“Oh, you gotta know them’s fightin’ words,” he drawled. “No SEAL can resist a challenge like that.”
“Um, hate to break it to you, but you’re no match for my aversion to exercise,” she fired back. “SEAL or no.”
“Well, then, challenge most definitely accepted.” He still held her hand, and he gave it a gentle squeeze. “You sure?”
“Totally sure.” My head is, at least. My heart? Not so much.
They stared at each other for another few beats, and then Geo nodded. “So what’s this about pancake-flipping lessons? I thought you said they didn’t have to look pretty to taste good.”
The tinge of indignation in his voice made her giggle. “Well, why not have both? Watch this.”
He leaned against the counter nearby as she whipped up some fresh batter and reheated the griddle. In no time she had a thick stack of fluffy, perfect pancakes. “Voila.”
“Hmph. You make it look easy,” he grumbled as he took his seat at the table. “At least I tried.”
He sounded so disgruntled that Lani wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind in a hug. “Geo, those pancakes were the nicest thing anyone’s done for me in forever. They were delicious and I loved them, okay? Every bite.” She gave him a squeeze. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Smirking, he turned his head and pointed to his nose with a questioning sound.
She bit back an answering smile. “Somehow I don’t think Bosch would approve.”
“Silly dog doesn’t know what he’s missing.”
Another giggle escaped her. “Well, he doesn’t get to change his mind. No nose kisses for him, he’s too scary.”
“He is pretty scary when it comes to nose kisses.” Geo paused. “I’m not scary, though, and I love nose kisses. All kisses, really.”
A little shiver went through her. “Mmm, you did give me an alternate target once.”
He shrugged. “That one’s my favorite, to be honest.” Despite the nonchalant tone, his pulse throbbed visibly in the hollow of his throat, and her own heart started to thud.
“I guess if that’s your favorite...”
The sound of his hoarse chuckle echoed in her ears even as their lips met and clung together for several breathless seconds.
“Definitely my favorite,” he whispered, the words little puffs of air against her cheek.
“Mine, too.” She kissed him again, lingeringly, her arms tightening around his shoulders at the hot slickness of his tongue, which danced briefly along hers. When it ended, Geo took her hand and eased her around into his lap.
He linked his arms loosely around her waist as she nestled against his chest with a sigh. For several long minutes they held each other without speaking, his face buried in her throat while she stroked his hair.
Finally he croaked, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” She knew he didn’t mean the kiss. “Geo, one year ago a bomb went off in your life. It’s okay to need help with that.”
At those words, a giant shudder passed through him.
“I get it. I’ve been there. I’m still there, in a lot of ways. It’s not anything I’m ever going to ‘get over.’”
His ragged breathing stilled, as if he was holding it, waiting.
“But I’m also not going to let his death define me anymore. Tyler’s life and suicide were his, not mine.” She paused, then said gently, “Just like your responsibility as a teammate and friend was to Cade—to always treat him with respect, honor and loyalty—but you were not responsible for him, okay? You weren’t responsible for his thoughts, his actions, his happiness...”
Geo gazed up at her, his eyes liquid with a pain he had no idea what to do with. “How did you—” He broke off, his throat working as he swallowed hard, and she pressed their foreheads together.
“I started talking about it. I started sharing it with other people who’d walked in my shoes, and I didn’t hold back. Realizing I’m not alone is when I took that first step toward healing—true healing.”
He nodded, his lips tight.
Lani kissed his temple, then climbed off his lap. “Easier said than done, I know.”
She watched him get to his feet and move to the sink, where he began to wash the plates, his movements sharp, purposeful, shoulders bunched.