How many of her friends over the years had given birth alone, their husbands gone—out of touch, out of reach? How many of them had had to deal with missed birthdays, forgotten anniversaries, serious injuries, illnesses?
So many things left for them to handle alone, married as they were to men who were gone far more than they were ever home.
Lani squeezed her eyes shut.
An afternoon on Tabitha’s porch while the kids were all in school. The laughter flowing along with the wine, excited plans bandied about for the guys’ homecoming in only two weeks. Suzette had a pregnancy to announce to a husband she hadn’t seen in almost six months.
“Harry’s gonna shit when he sees me,” she said, cackling. “We’ve only been trying for two goddamn years, and then with one last goodbye fuck, boom...knocked up! I can’t wait to surprise him!”
Hoots and jokes from the women about all the homecoming babies about to be conceived, and then Suzette pushed to her feet. “Y’all, I bought the cutest maternity lingerie the other day. Lemme show you!”
Caressing her baby bump, she hurried to her house across the street.
A little envious of her happiness, visions of her own childless future with Rhys swirling before her, Lani hadn’t even noticed the government car that’d turned the corner until someone gasped.
Frozen in horror, they watched it creep along before pulling over to the curb and stopping—in front of Suzette’s house.
Anguished shouts of “No!” interspersed with the tinkle of wineglasses crashing to the ground...
For the rest of her life, Lani would never forget the sight of Tabitha’s long blond hair streaming out behind her as she ran barefoot across the street, desperate to get to her friend before the Navy chaplain did. Before Suzette’s world crashed down around her ears. Before she learned that Harry would never meet his long-awaited son...
“I can’t do it,” she gasped, the painful memories splintering her heart into pieces all over again. “I can’t live my life like that. I can’t.”
She’d had enough of goodbyes.
* * *
Geo killed the engine and gazed up at the small house.
“In a lot of ways, the second year is harder than the first. She’ll need friends now more than ever.”
Lani’s words echoing in his ears, he pulled off his helmet and tucked it under his arm. Then, his heart thundering, the lasagna he’d eaten a lump in his stomach, Geo made his way slowly up the walk toward Renae’s front door.
At the sight of the chairs on the porch, his eyes burned. How many beers had he shared here with Cade over the years, their feet propped on the railing as they talked about work, love and life?
He’d been the only one in the command who knew the truth about Jake.
“I’m here for you one hundred percent, brother, whatever you decide to do.”
In the end, of course, he’d chosen his career over his relationship, and after Jake had moved out, Cade’s unwavering support was what got him through those first emotional weeks.
“Couldn’t have done it without you,” he whispered to the empty porch. “Best swim buddy ever.”
Before he could change his mind, Geo put his helmet down on a chair and then knocked softly. If Renae didn’t answer in thirty seconds, he would—
The door swung open almost immediately. “Hey, Geo.” Renae smiled up at him, her face thinner than he remembered, the sharpness of her cheekbones highlighting the deep ocean blue of her eyes. “I heard you pull up.”
And then waited to see if he had the guts to go through with it.
Shame twisting him into knots, Geo stammered for a reply, then choked off when Renae simply opened her arms and gathered him close. He clutched onto her, her presence a sudden, tangible connection to Cade—one he hadn’t known he so desperately needed.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
She stroked the back of his head like she was comforting a child. “For what?”
“For not being here. For not—”
Once again he couldn’t go on, and Renae pulled away, then reached up to cup his face in her hands. “Well, you’re here now. Come on. Let’s have some coffee and talk.”
Discomfort still roiled through him, but Geo nodded and followed her inside. The living room was much the same, except for the big wooden Trident that Cade’d had commissioned. He’d been so proud of it, and hung it in a place of honor over the couch.
Now it was gone, replaced by a photograph of a stunning beach sunset.
A lot of other SEAL memorabilia that Geo remembered being scattered throughout the house was gone, too.
He bit his lip. Well, why wouldn’t it be? Who’d want those reminders?
“I had my brother come pack it away,” Renae said, answering his unspoken question. “I’ll go through it all someday when my girls are ready.”
Swallowing hard, Geo croaked, “How are the girls?” He accepted the cup of coffee Renae handed him as they took their seats at the table.
She sighed. “Ava is—well, she’s Ava. Wears her heart on her sleeve, gets it all out. Ari? She’s my stoic one, the quiet one. Spends all her time reading or playing soccer.”
Geo nodded, his heart aching for Cade’s nine-and ten-year-old daughters.
“I think the permanence of it’s been a little hard for them to understand, because he’d always been gone a lot.” She shook her head. “Hell, even I think that sometimes: ‘Cade’s not dead, he’s just on deployment.’”
Geo had no idea what to say, and just in time he remembered Lani’s words.
“She doesn’t need you to ‘fix’ anything about what she’s going through. Just be there. Just show up.”
So he reached across the table and covered her hand with his. “I miss him, too. And I’m really fucking sorry it’s taken me so long to get here.”
Renae’s eyes met his. “You’re the only one from his platoon who’s come to visit,” she said, with just the faintest trace of bitterness. “It’s like my husband went from hero to zero in the blink of an eye.”
He couldn’t deny that’s what a large part of the community thought, and he didn’t want to insult her intelligence by trying to. Squeezing her hand, he said, “Well, he’ll always be a hero to me.”
Her eyelashes grew spiky. “Thanks, Geo. Even getting to talk about him is nice. People avoid the subject like it’s the plague.”
Once again Lani came to his rescue.