“Evie …” He kissed my forehead.
“You’re here.”
“I’m here.”
“For me …” I whispered over his lips, pressing my palms to his cheeks.
“For you.” He kissed me slowly.
I nestled my face into his neck, no longer caring how much heat our family of four emitted in that room. My Roe had come for me.
“This is our world.” I kissed his neck and ghosted my fingers along his bare back.
“It is.” He slid a leg between mine, probably to keep from falling out of bed.
“My mom is dying.” I would have cried had I not drained the tears earlier. I think by that point I was a little numb.
“Yes. I’m so sorry, Evie.” Ronin buried his nose in my hair.
“I can’t let it shatter our world.”
He inched his head side to side. “It won’t. I’ll hold it together. I’ll hold you together.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“He’s a natural!” Ronin declared, beaming with pride as the skiing crew filed into the house with their newest member—Franz.
My almost four-year-old could out ski me. Lovely.
“Mommy! I did it!” He ran into my arms.
“I’m so proud of you. I knew you’d be amazing.” I kissed along his rosy cheeks and neck until he giggled and squirmed out of my arms.
“Bathroom, buddy.” Ronin pointed toward the hallway, recognizing Franz’s potty dance.
“Be quiet. Anya’s napping.”
For Christmas, Santa brought Franz skis and a snowboard. The previous year, he got a sled. I preferred the sled. It was an activity I could do with him.
“He’s really good,” Graham smirked, peeling off his jacket.
I didn’t even care that my friend used my son’s achievement to poke fun at me. Governor Porter took the day off to see Franz go down the mountain for the first time on skis. My feelings of neglect, from both of my best friends, took a back seat that day because life had changed, and Franz mattered more to me and clearly more to them as well.
“He didn’t get too cold or scared or—” I started my mom spiel.
Lila wrapped her arms around me from my backside, nuzzling her cold nose into my neck as I made hot chocolate for everyone. “I played the mom role. He was fine the entire time.”
“I see. Did it make you want to play the mom role in a more permanent way?”
Lila stiffened just before releasing me. “Ha!” She returned a nervous laugh, which died completely as soon as Graham looked at her.
He didn’t utter a word, and I couldn’t detect any decipherable expression on his face, but something clearly passed between them that was awkward and uncomfortable.
“How’s your Mom? I sent her a Christmas gift, but never got a reply,” Lila grabbed one of the mugs of hot chocolate and sipped it.
“They went to Italy. I told you that in a message I left you.” I couldn’t help but add the jab. Even if Lila had a long list of things she accomplished as the governor’s wife, being a good friend to me wasn’t on that list. Not anymore. After trying and failing to reach her numerous times after my mom shared the news about her cancer returning, I finally gave up and left Lila a message … a freaking message on her phone about my mother dying. I think I could have forgiven her for not answering my calls had she called me back, but she didn’t. Her condolences came in the form of a three-word text: “I’m so sorry.”
Lila ignored my jab. “Yes, but I thought it was only for two weeks.” She sat on the opposite end of the sofa as Graham preoccupied with his phone.
“It was. But then Ronin’s parents invited them to France for two more weeks.”
She stared into her mug of hot chocolate. “Oh, you didn’t tell me that part.”
I tried so hard to bite my tongue, but I felt too slighted by her lack of acknowledging me most of the time. “Well, you only respond to ten percent of my messages, so I probably didn’t figure it was worth mentioning. I’ll make sure to keep you in the loop with the big things … like when she dies.”
“Evelyn …”
I turned as Ronin said my name, a look of shock held hostage on his face. Graham and Lila had the same look.
Closing my eyes, I shook my head. “I’m sorry. That was out of line.”
“A word, Evelyn.” Graham stood, tugging on the sleeves to his thermal pullover.
On a sigh, I stomped to the bedroom, ignoring Ronin’s eyes on me. Graham closed the door and leaned against it.
“We love Lila more. Weren’t those your words?”
I grunted a laugh, gazing out the window at the snowy Rockies. “That was about you and me. This is about me and Lila, about more than thirty years of friendship, about my mom stepping in to love her and treat her like a daughter after Lila’s parents died.”
I turned, crossing my arms over my chest. “Or maybe this is between us, Graham. As I recall, you made it clear that once you became governor I wouldn’t get to spend as much time with Lila. So here it is … I got the news that my mom’s cancer was back and had spread to her brain. I got the news that she has, at most, one year to live. And when I needed my best friend, she didn’t answer her phone. When I finally gave up and left a message, she replied with a text. A fucking text!”
Graham flinched.
Biting my upper lip, I shook my head. “So are you blocking me from Lila or is she just blatantly ignoring me? Giving our friendship the middle finger? Because I’m hurt …” I blinked several times to ward off the tears. “And I’m angry. And I just want to know why this is happening. I want to know why, when I need her the most, she’s not here for me. You’re not here for me.”
“Evelyn …” He took slow steps toward me. “I’m here for you. Do you need money? Do you need—”
I shook off his attempts to take another step, pressing my backside to the windowsill. “You are emotionally dead. I hate that I feel so indebted to you. I hate that you think everything can be solved with a check. I’m so glad I have Ronin and my kids because you are not my friend anymore. You don’t understand that what I need are people who will try to fill this huge fucking void that will be left in my heart when my mom dies. A void that can’t be filled with all the money in the world. And I hate that you’ve taken my best friend from me. I hate all of it, and I fucking hate you right now too.”
The muscles in Graham’s jaw pulsed steadily as he stared at me. Finally … finally I could see the tiniest hint of emotion in his eyes. Maybe saying that I hated him was going too far. Maybe telling Lila that I’d message her when my mom died was going too far. But as badly as words could hurt, the unspoken words hurt more. I’d rather be emotionally invested to the point of stepping out of bounds than emotionally dead. At least I cared enough to be hurt and angry … and say it.
I honestly felt as if Graham and Lila didn’t care at all. Feeling like I’d lost my two best friends felt like its own death.
“I love you, Evelyn.”
I laughed. “No. You don’t. You’re just proving a very important point about my marriage. You see … I’ve never said I love you to Ronin and he’s never said it to me.”