“I fear understand isn’t the best word. I’m not sure you’ll be able to truly understand.”
“Well, try me. Make me understand.” She clasped her hands behind her back, waiting for my magical explanation.
I cleared my throat. “O … kay. Just go with me for a second. As an example, if you saw a pig flying, you wouldn’t be able to dispute what you saw, nor would you be able to explain it. But it wouldn’t mean that the pig didn’t fly. Right?”
Evelyn laughed a little more, returning her attention to the display. “Yes. I suppose. Did you see a pig fly?”
“If I did, would you believe me?”
“Sure.”
“No!” I laced my fingers behind my head and paced back and forth. “You wouldn’t believe me. I can tell from your laughter you wouldn’t believe me.”
When she faced me again, her smile was gone. I didn’t mean to take away her smile. After days of tragedy and grief, she had earned the right to have a moment that wasn’t so damn depressing. “I’m not laughing at you.”
My chin dropped to my chest on a long sigh. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just so hard to tell you this because it’s not going to make sense. It’s going to be completely unbelievable and utterly confusing.” I glanced up at her again.
“Then don’t try to explain the voice. Just tell me what it means for your life now. Tell me if you know why your heart stopped beating, and I promise I will believe you.”
“I don’t know what it means anymore. I didn’t know what it meant for many years after the accident. Then I performed CPR on an actual person for the first time. I heard a ringing in my ears that intensified as I compressed the person’s chest. And I heard that voice telling me the same thing. Hinder not the soul’s intended path unto the light, lest shards of darkness shed upon thee.
“The person never regained a heartbeat. Once I stopped CPR, the ringing in my ears stopped. The next time I performed CPR, the same thing happened, only we did revive the woman. I heard the ringing, the voice, and I felt her injuries from the accident, her pain and suffering. She died less than twenty-four hours later. But that was the first time I ended up in the hospital too—feeling like I was dying, but having no signs of injuries or ailments. Come to find out, I miraculously recovered at the same time the woman died.”
My brain told me to keep going, but my heart told me to let her take over and decide where she was ready for me to go with the rest of this revelation.
Lines formed along her forehead. “That man you tried to save in the restaurant with Graham, you felt his pain after he was resuscitated? That’s why you were so sick?”
“Yes.”
She kept her gaze somewhere between our feet, maybe the smudge on the wood floor. “Then your pain just … stopped?”
I didn’t respond. She knew the answer.
“Because he died?” Blue eyes made their way to meet my gaze.
“Yes,” I whispered.
Evelyn nodded in tiny increments as her eyes narrowed a little more. “Lila didn’t die.”
“True.”
She cleared her throat and curled a few stray hairs behind her ear. “So what happens when they don’t die?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why?”
I started to say it, but the words wouldn’t come out. They raked along my throat like razorblades, burning my eyes and suffocating my lungs. I didn’t know the real answer, just a few guesses mixed with my worst fears.
“Why?” she repeated with a hard edge to her demand.
“Because they all die.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Evelyn
I knew I would never forget the look on Ronin’s face when he said those four words.
The pain.
The regret.
The love …
Without love, there can be no pain and regret.
Taking a step toward him, I smiled, resting my palm on his cheek. “Don’t you see what this means?”
He squinted, intensifying the anguish on his handsome face.
“It’s over. This curse is over. Lila lived. She’s getting better. You’re getting better.” Lifting onto my toes, I feathered my lips along his jaw to his ear. “You’re free,” I whispered.
“Evelyn.” He grabbed my shoulders, holding me at arm’s length. “It feels like a curse, but it’s not actually a curse.”
“You know what I mean.”
Ronin nodded. “Yes. I know what you mean, but you don’t know what I mean. Lila could still …”
I waited. There was no way I was going to say it for him. Lila wasn’t dying. She was getting stronger every day.
“I know you’re scared, baby.” I tried to infuse as much sympathy as possible into my voice.
Ronin had clearly been through a lot, not just from recent events, but during the span of most of his life. The accident he suffered as a child changed him. Even if I didn’t fully understand it, or wholeheartedly believed all of it, I stood by him. His physical pain and emotional suffering emanated from every inch of his body.
“Today Lila is alive. Today you are feeling better. You don’t need to prepare me for tomorrow or any day after that. How many times do I have to tell you I’m stronger than you think I am?”
“Evie …” He covered my hand with his and turned his head a fraction so his lips pressed to my palm. “You are the strongest person I know. But that will never stop me from dedicating every breath, every second, I have on this earth to keep you from having your heart broken. I said I’d hold our family together.”
I wrapped both arms around his neck. He leaned down instead of picking me up off my feet like he usually did when I hugged him. His vulnerability chipped away at my emotional armor. “We will hold our family together.”
“We …” he echoed me while wrapping his arms around my waist.
I slipped on my favorite—but rather weathered—brave face and sent Ronin home to spend time with the kids and his parents so I could finish setting up my displays. At least … that was my excuse.
After he made it across the street toward his car, I locked the shop door and stuck up our “Be back in 15 minutes” sign that we used in a pinch when only one person was manning the shop. Then I retreated to the back room to cry my eyes out.
Either my best friend was dying, or my husband was crazy.
Two weeks later, I drove to Denver to visit my mom and Lila. Mom seemed to have rebounded since the seizure. We ate lunch before I headed to Lila’s and Graham’s house. They rarely stayed at the governor’s mansion. It was subpar to the Porter estate, and no staff were provided. Lila needed help doing everything at the moment. She’d been released from the hospital that morning, so I was excited to see her and Graham.
“You look like you could use a manicure.” I peeked my head into her massive bedroom. Seriously, the ceiling was two stories with mammoth windows and lavish coverings, all imported from some place I couldn’t remember and hand-stitched by someone really important, also whom I couldn’t remember. My window coverings were from Target.
“Evie!” She grimaced for a split second, pushing herself up in bed.