Sophie.
Julien and his wife.
My sister, Katie, and her husband, Tanner.
Tami and Noah.
Even Graham’s parents took the time to come wish me happy birthday.
The biggest surprise was my kids. Graham flew them to Denver earlier in the day. I thought Ronin was taking them to Sue’s for the night. I was wrong.
However, Sue was there too. After dinner, she took them upstairs to one of the bedrooms and put them to bed.
It was by far the most perfect and tragic birthday of my life.
Ronin followed me like a shadow all night. He stood by me with his hand on my lower back when it felt right to put on an act for the guests. He smiled on cue and laughed at the appropriate moments. I glued together that awful mask I’d owned for so many years and put it on—bent and ready to fall to pieces again if I let it slip as much as an inch.
Graham stayed out of sight most of the evening while Lila found a chair and ottoman to elevate her leg while people lined up to see how she was feeling since the accident.
“Andre said it’s time to cut the cake,” Mom whispered in my ear as one of Graham’s old buddies from college talked my other ear off about the Yankees, not realizing I had two kids and zero time to follow sports like I used to.
And yes, Andre was the party planner. My fortieth birthday party was better planned, and probably more expensive, than most couples’ wedding receptions.
“Time for cake,” I announced with a smile to end the baseball conversation.
It was all too extravagant, yet I didn’t take for granted a single second of it. After all, I knew it might be the last time I would get to share something like that while my mom was still alive.
I fought an onslaught of tears as everyone sang “Happy Birthday” to me. Then I blew out forty candles on a huge cherry amaretto cake as cheers and clapping filled the room.
“Speech!” Lila yelled from just a few feet in front of me, balancing on her crutches, much more sober than she was in the limo.
Silence swept through the room, leaving all eyes on me. My heart raced. I preferred attention in small doses where I didn’t shake under the microscope of the large crowd.
Where was my rock?
He stood a few feet behind Lila and Graham, next to his brother, Julien. My best friend put me on the stage, ignoring my insecurities. I stood there as my mask started to crack. Words—what was I supposed to say?
“Thank me first. I paid for the party.”
Everyone laughed, breaking the tension.
My gaze shifted to Graham and his signature smirk. So arrogant. In that moment, he gave me what no one else did. A lifeline.
He saw me drowning, and he saved me.
A few tears tried to make their way out, but I quickly wiped them away as I smiled. “Yes.” I laughed as the room quieted again. “I have to thank my favorite Graham Cracker for proving, once again, that our friendship is truly priceless.” I winked at him.
He mouthed, “I love you,” and winked back at me.
“And speaking of friendships, I have to thank my best friend, Lila, for letting me be the one who has aged more gracefully.”
She flipped me the bird and everyone laughed.
“I love you too, Lila. And I’m so so grateful you’re here to celebrate this day with me.”
A collective “aww” exhaled from the crowd. We all knew how incredibly lucky we were to have Lila with us. She smiled through her trembling lips and tear-filled eyes as she blew me a kiss.
“And I wouldn’t be here to celebrate forty amazing years of life if Madeline Hayes hadn’t let herself fall in love with the handsome and oh-so-dapper Corey Taylor. Thank you for being the best parents anyone could ask for. I think I speak for Katie and Lila too when I say it’s a privilege to be your daughter.”
A few sniffles broke through the silence as I left a pregnant pause, finding the courage and strength to look at my husband and say everything I wanted to say about him. “Last, but not least …” I choked on the words, biting my lips together and swallowing as I looked up at the ceiling, unable to let my gaze lock with his eyes.
I shook my head, clenching my jaw and holding back not only the words, but the sob that fought to escape. No one else in the room knew how seeing Ronin’s truth that morning ripped open my heart, leaving me so scared and helpless.
No one else knew how my world shattered in that tiny heartbeat.
No one knew how I took his confessions and guarded them with my life for months.
No one knew how badly I wanted to say three simple words that might profoundly change the course of something so tragic.
No one knew …
Drawing in a shaky breath, I tried again. “I want to thank my—” My hand covered my mouth as I choked on the sob that escaped along with all the tears as I bled out in front of everyone.
“Evie …” Lila called my name as I ran out the side door, shouldering past a few of the servers and taking a quick left to the door that led to the pool and courtyard.
The cool air forced a full breath into my lungs as I stumbled out of my shoes and just … ran. The Porters had acres of grassy hills. Acres of space to run away from my troubles. I didn’t stop until my lungs burned from exhaustion, and I couldn’t feel my feet from pounding them against the cold spring grass.
I didn’t stop until I was ready to surrender to reality—as beautiful as I thought my life was, it wasn’t a fairy tale. And if it was, it would likely end in tragedy.
Slowing to a stop, I ripped at the pins in my hair, releasing the messy strands to fall all around my shoulders as I bent over, panting with my hands clenched to my knees. Then I dropped to my knees, moving my hands to my face as I cried, not holding back anything. I just … couldn’t any longer.
His woodsy Clean Art scent announced his presence before the warmth of his suit jacket covered my bare shoulders. Then he scooped me up into his arms.
I let him, feeling too numb inside to protest the long walk he was about to make with me in his arms back to the house. Ronin kissed the top of my head and effortlessly retraced our steps with long, confident strides. I rested my cheek against his shoulder and closed my swollen eyes.
Birthdays were overrated.
Instead of going into the house, he slid into the back of a car with me still cradled in his arms. Someone shut the door and hopped into the front seat, shifting the vehicle into drive. I felt dead inside. So tired of trying to control … everything.
Mom would take her last breath before I was ready to say goodbye.
Ronin would live or die by his own mistakes, and there was nothing I could do to stop him.
Lila and Graham had their lives that were, in so many ways, a million miles away from mine.
But I had Franz and Anya.
Every. Single. Day. I had to remind myself that they were enough. And they were. So very much.
When the vehicle stopped, the driver opened the back door. Ronin lifted me out and walked into the hotel. A bellboy followed us with our shared overnight bag. When we made it to the room, the bellboy opened the door.
“Thank you,” Ronin murmured, his first words since he retrieved me from the back of the Porter estate.
The door closed behind us as he carried me to the king-sized bed in the lavish suite. I felt the immediate loss of his arms when he set me down on the edge of the bed and loosened his tie. I picked the most handsome man in the world to break my heart. It was such a rare occasion that I got to see Ronin in a suit, looking like sex on a stick. Why did this one have to end with him picking up my broken pieces?