Disappearing to the bathroom, he turned on the water before returning, wearing nothing but a plush white towel tied around his waist. He didn’t speak. We didn’t speak. What was there to say?
I let him slide his jacket off my shoulders, unzip my dress, and work my panties off my hips while I sat idle like a rag doll. All I wanted was to close my eyes and sleep for a hundred years. Was that too much to ask for my birthday wish?
Again, Ronin lifted me up into his arms, completely naked, and carried me to the bathroom. He eased me into the tub of steamy water, discarded his towel, and wedged his body in the tub behind mine. I rested my hands under the water on his legs and leaned back, using his chest as a pillow.
Warm lips brushed my ear. Strong arms wrapped around my shoulders. When the water reached its limit, Ronin leaned over and turned it off. Grabbing a washcloth, he wet it and brought his face down next to mine so he could see to gently wipe the makeup from it. I closed my eyes.
“I’m not going to ask you what happened in Vancouver.”
My eyes blinked back open.
“I failed you as a husband, as a friend, and as a father to our children. It was my job to take care of our family. But I couldn’t, and I hated it. Getting out of bed was a monumental challenge. Carrying our injured child nearly made me pass out. So … I looked for a solution, but nothing worked except …”
The pills.
He continued to wipe my face, rewetting the washcloth. “You’re so damn smart, and it was wrong of me to act like you wouldn’t know exactly what was happening. I was … I am so ashamed that I let it happen to me.” Ronin blew out a slow, shaky breath. “But it did. And I hate that you had to find out like you did. I hate that I was too weak to ask for help. I hate that in my attempt to show so much strength, I bared my biggest weakness.”
I traced my fingers over his leg muscles, closing my eyes again as he continued to clean my face. “I’m both.”
After a few seconds, he kissed my cheek, letting his lips linger there as he whispered, “Both what?”
“I am your biggest strength … and your biggest weakness.” I shifted in the tub, not caring about the water sloshing over the sides. Settling myself at the opposite end, I massaged his calves as he ghosted his fingers along the topside of my feet. “And I know this because you are my biggest strength … and my biggest weakness.”
Ronin nodded slowly, bringing my foot to his mouth and kissing my big toe.
“I fucked up your birthday.” He teased the pad of my toe with his teeth.
“You did.” I shrugged. “But you had help.”
A tiny line formed along the bridge of his nose as he let his gaze fall away from mine.
“Ronin, I’m not shaming you. Or Lila and Graham. It was a disaster. Emotionally draining. But like life, it had its beautiful moments. Our families all together for the first time.” I smiled. “Franz in that tiny tux and Anya in that red dress and big bow in her hair.”
That brought a real smile to Ronin’s face too, even if he still couldn’t look at me.
“So while it’s tempting to want to forget this whole day, that would be a greater tragedy. There are too many memories I will cherish. I’ll take the bad with the good. That’s life.” I bopped his chin with my toe, forcing him to look at me again. “When we exchanged those vows five years ago, we promised a lot of things, but we never said it would be easy.”
He leaned his head back, closing his eyes. “I lied,” he whispered. “Earlier today, when I told you I’d start treatment tomorrow, I lied. I just didn’t want to argue on your birthday. This stubborn part of me was still in denial that I needed help. But when you couldn’t even look at me during your speech…” he brought his head up, opening his reddened eyes a bit as his forehead wrinkled, like saying the words pained him “…I knew the bottle of pills in the pocket of my jacket was destroying us. And it was chilling … like being buried under the rumble of an avalanche. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe.” He shook his head, leaning it back again and closing his eyes. “I couldn’t believe I didn’t see it coming.”
After letting his confession simmer between us for a few minutes, I pushed myself out of the water. “I’m getting chilly.” Wrapping a towel around myself, I stepped out of the tub.
On top of the overnight bag by the door was a sack. “What’s in the sack?” I set it aside and opened the suitcase to retrieve a nightshirt. Only … I didn’t pack one. I packed a sexy black lace and satin nightie because we were going to do some naughty things on my birthday with a suite all to ourselves and no kids to wake us up. Given the detour that my day took and the gravity of our bathtub conversation, I decided to skip the nightie in favor of a soft tee Ronin packed to wear the next day.
“Did I give you permission to wear my shirt?”
I turned, stepping into my panties. “You love me in your clothes.”
He eyed me playfully as he retrieved a pair of boxer briefs and slipped them on. “You’re staring, Mrs. Alexander.”
I snapped my gaze to meet his smirk. Yes, five years later, I still loved looking at his naked body. “What’s in the sack?”
He shrugged, plopping onto the bed. “I don’t know. Graham put our bag into the car from the limo. The sack was there too.”
I peeked into the sack and grinned, pulling out a clear container with a huge piece of cake inside of it. My birthday cake. He even packed a fork. Although … my bet was on Lila. She told him to send cake. Traipsing to the bed with my cake—my last bit of birthday joy—I took a seat with my back against the headboard.
“You’re not going to share?”
Mid-bite, I glanced over at Ronin as he turned onto his side, head propped up on his bent arm. “It’s my birthday cake. I didn’t get any at the party.”
“Neither did I.”
“And whose fault is that?”
He frowned. “Fine.”
I took the bite and hummed. It was so good.
“I’m not sharing cake with you on my birthday … just so you know.”
Sliding my gaze to the side as I eased the fork from my mouth, I snickered. “I make your birthday cake. I always have the first piece, right out of the middle, then I fill it with frosting and nobody is the wiser.”
He opened his mouth as wide as possible, nose wrinkled. “That is truly horrible!”
I scooped a dollop of frosting onto my finger and stuck it in his open mouth. “You’ve never made me a cake; that’s the truly horrible part.”
Ronin grabbed my wrist before I could pull my finger out of his mouth. Closing his lips, he sucked all the frosting from my finger. I liked it, but I told myself I wasn’t allowed to like it. Not on a ruined birthday. There was no way birthday girl was giving her fun-spoiling husband sex on her birthday. Also, I convinced myself that reasoning it all out via third-person in my head was the way to go … the way to hold strong.
Evelyn was not having sex with Ronin.
With his other hand, he grabbed the entire piece of cake.
“Ronin!” I jerked my finger from his mouth, but not before he smeared cake down my face and neck.
“Stop!” I tried to squirm away, but he stuck his cake-covered hand up my shirt … well, his shirt. I gasped, eyes wide as he smeared the cake and frosting over me. “Not cool! Not cool at—”