The gun meant a couple of things. One of them being I would have another tool besides my fists and blades if I needed a quick out. My accepting the gun also meant that I understood I was no longer safe. I was being hunted.
Lanier was telling me without words that I could believe him or I could choose to ignore the warnings.
I knew the truth though; I saw it when I faced the Demon less than forty-eight hours ago. The guys might have been lying about me being an Angel, but they weren’t lying about the fact that other people believed the same thing and wanted to capture or kill me for it.
It was the last thing that made me pause before I accepted. Lanier was giving me the gun, sure, but he was offering me protection that I knew didn’t end with the gun. I wasn’t sure he even realized it, but he was admitting that he cared enough to protect me.
The gun was just the beginning.
“You’re staying now,” Lanier spoke, confirming my suspicion.
“Staying because you want me to stay or because you made a deal with the Devil?”
He turned his sharp gaze toward me. “Do you really think any of us are going to willingly let you go?”
I thought for a moment before I responded. Did I think they were going to let me go? I pictured Cabe’s gentle smile. His warm presence. Sure, I knew he was interested in me, but I figured it had something to do with the visions he mentioned earlier. Quint was the easiest to understand. He was attracted to me like any male with a dick would be, but he was also teetering on the fine edge of insanity. He was madness and chaos wrapped together tightly in a twisted knot. I craved that in a man.
But Lanier… “Are you saying that you wouldn’t let me go if I asked you to?”
He turned his piercing green eyes to me, searching my face. Maker above, he was intense. Everything about him was calculated and murky. Through the walls of his glass house, I could see everything he was, see that all his broken pieces fit perfectly with mine. All we had to do was merge our flames and they’d melt with new heat.
He looked back to the road. “I haven’t decided yet.”
I’d be a lying bitch if I said that didn’t hurt. When I spoke, the words were harsh. “Well, I haven’t decided if I want to be the new pet in your den of thieves. I’m keeping your gun, Lanier, simply because that giant chunk of metal is more reliable than you.”
I took a deep breath before shaking my head and continuing, “Don’t think I don’t see what’s happening in this group. I know how it works. Quint brings the laughter, the insanity. Cabe brings the thought, the brains. He provides a steady stream of facts. But you? You bring the pain. And I’ll tell you this once and only once, pain and I are well acquainted, we’re the closest of friends. So you, Lanier, don’t know what you did by bringing me home with you. The pain you carry in your fists, in your hard jawline and clenched muscles…I’ll match it with more ferocity and more power than you anticipated. I’ve seen all I need to see from you, so I’ll play your game. But don’t forget, the walls around your heart may be glass, but you just gave me the weapon to destroy them.”
The temperature in the car thrashed between searing hot and bone chilling cold. The small space was full of warring emotions and unanswered questions.
Lanier knew the weapon I mentioned wasn’t in reference to the gun. “And what weapon may that be?”
I turned to face him, a vicious smile displayed across my lips. “You showed me you cared.”
I couldn’t look at her, much less respond. Both of us knew she was right. I cared. It was the fucking bond influencing my feelings, allowing me to forget my goal, my purpose in finding the mating bonds again. I wanted to destroy this thing, not feed it.
She clearly had no interest in rubbing it in though, because shortly after making that grand statement, she wiggled down further into the seat and curled up to look out the window. She was so small.
I hated how much I wanted her, but I couldn’t go there.
No way.
After this little trip was over, I was headed right back home to figure out if it was possible for us all to be linked, for her to be mated to all three of us. I was more determined than ever to get the ceremony over and done with. That meant that I needed to stay far away from Annalise.
I couldn’t risk falling in love with her and then losing her when I Fell for good. It would be forbidden for us to be together once I was one of the Fallen.
I couldn’t fall for her.
It wasn’t an option.
We drove in silence for another forty-five minutes before she spoke again, turning toward me and asking, “If I’m an Angel, then how come I can’t even feel my wings?”
I had to laugh at the tone of her voice. She sounded like a confused five-year-old trying to convince her parents that fairies were real because she found glitter on her bedroom floor. Her tone was mocking, like we were crazy for even bringing it up, because it couldn’t possibly be true. “Because your beast is most likely hiding her presence, as she did before the Transition. She doesn’t want to alarm you.”
“Wait, what?” All I could hear was the shock in her voice. Clearly, she wasn’t expecting an answer quite like that one. “So she can actually feel? Like, she has a brain? Wait, that sounds really dumb…of course she has a brain…but—”
“Relax, Annalise. I’ll explain.” I chuckled. She was flustered and frustrated with herself. She obviously wasn’t a big fan of needing someone else in order to get what she wanted. Especially someone like me. “Every Neph has a beast. As we grow up, our beast’s presence also grows. We start to be able to sense that they’re there between the ages of eight and ten. We can see them clearly after ten years old. Once we hit the age of twenty-one, our bodies are mature enough to handle two spirits in the same body, so our beasts have the ability to shift into wings. Her spirit is in your wings, and when you shift, it becomes her physical form.”
I looked over at her, making sure she was still following. She seemed to be. “Your beast is able to read you as well as she did before the Transition, and she most likely knows that you’ll freak out if you can all of a sudden feel her around at all times. She’s dulling her spirit and hiding her presence until you and I have a chance to work through the logistics of having wings.”
Annalise was dead quiet as I explained. She looked ahead at the road for about five minutes before muttering, “You have got to be fucking kidding me. This is insane, you’re insane. Or maybe I’m insane because I’m the one who got in this stupid car with you in the first place.”
I barked out a laugh. “You’re not insane, and neither am I. At least, not in the way you’re thinking right now.”
She started nibbling on her thumbnail, and I tried not to zero in on the way her tongue drifted over her bottom lip every time she pulled it out of her mouth. My fucking god. This girl was going to be the death of me. Adjusting my dick with as much subtly as I could manage, I let her think about what I said.
I knew she’d eventually ask something else, and I wasn’t disappointed when she spoke again a few minutes later. “So that’s what we’re doing? You’re taking me to teach me the logistics? What does that even mean?”
“The logistics of shifting. You should probably know how to do it, don’t you think?” I shrugged, trying to keep a hint of darkness in my voice. I wanted to stay serious and mission oriented, but it was hard with her so close and so confused. I wanted to tease her about the adorable look on her face, reach over and pull her finger out of her mouth, and hold her hand in mine to ease her anxiety.