“Well, I say we start there,” Annalise stated, sitting up in my lap and looking at Lanier. “I say we find these Angels. The mating bonds stopped around the same time, twenty-one years ago. Surely these Elite Angels have something to do with the bonds disappearing. And I’m positive that I’m not one of them, but if Lucifer thinks I am, then he believes that they do exist.”
“How are you so positive that it’s not you?” I ask her, knowing that she isn’t going to like what I have to say next. “These Angels would be capable of killing Demons, and a lot of them. A few Angels against an entire Demon army? They’d have to be strong.”
“Your point?” she sassed.
“You’re an Angel, a vampire, and by the looks of it, an elemental. Those creatures do not exist, Pup. Sounds pretty Elite to me.”
I refused to acknowledge Quint’s statement, not without significant proof.
Granted, they knew more about this world than I did, but that didn’t mean I had to accept their guesses as truth. Neither Lanier nor Cabe said anything in response but instead, we all just sat there staring at each other. I was still curled up in Quint’s lap, playing with my fingers and thinking about everything I’d learned, trying to make sense of it.
Hellfire was in danger according to an upper level Demon. It could be true or false, but rumors held no merit against facts. I just had to figure out the facts.
“Alright, we need to go to sleep,” Lanier stated, standing from the couch and grabbing a piece of pizza from one of the boxes on the table. It was nearly three in the morning. None of us had made a move to eat, but as soon as Lanier did, Cabe grabbed a slice too.
Quint smacked my thigh lightly. “Up, buttercup. I’m exhausted.”
I stood, stretching, pretending that I wasn’t freaking the fuck out.
Where was I going to sleep?
We just settled on an agreement, but I doubted that I’d be able to get away with sleeping in the same bed with one of them while the other two slept alone. Everyone was emotionally weak, and friendship would not be the true nature of our relationship, but I wasn’t comfortable enough to call it anything else.
It wasn’t actually real, what I was feeling, it was influenced by the bond, and I was hoping that once we found a way to complete the ceremony, everything I was feeling would disappear.
Quint walked around me and grabbed a piece of pizza in each hand. He lifted a slice, and I took it, a knowing smile on my face. He was seriously adorable, in a sexy Tasmanian devil sort of way.
“Thanks, Q.” I reached up and gave his cheek a pat, biting down on the cold slice.
I swallowed a few bites, watching Lanier as he moved around the open living space, putting the remote back on the coffee table, organizing the four black decorative pillows on the couch. He was cleaning up. I couldn’t help the smile that formed on my face. He was all alpha, the leader of his pack.
“So,” I said slowly. “What exactly are the sleeping arrangements?”
Everyone paused, looking at each other. A silent conversation went on between them, leaving me feeling left out until I remembered that I was in tune with their emotions.
No matter what they said next, all of them wanted to sleep next to me. Lanier’s emotions were dominating and final, he wanted me with him. Quint was quickly falling back into that anxious man who was afraid he didn’t fit in.
It was Cabe’s that stood out the most though. My heart hurt when I felt his emotions. I was causing him pain by not allowing him to express his feelings openly, but even still, he wouldn’t push me to feel them.
“Guys,” I interrupted, not liking the tension between them. I wasn’t here to tear them apart. If I was supposed to be their mate, and now their friend, I should be the glue that stuck us all together. Not the sword that drove us all apart.
One by one, they turned to look at me, each of them with a different kind of intensity.
“How about we all crash in Lan’s room? That bed is big enough.” Quint’s shoulders visibly relaxed, but the other two didn’t look convinced. “Look, I know this is weird, but I can feel all of your emotions, remember? I don’t want anyone to be put out. I don’t want negative shit. We’re bonded. I’m almost sick of saying it. The four of us are tethered together, and we should just accept it. All of you want me near, and I’m willing to admit that I feel better when we’re all together.”
I met Lanier’s eyes. The brilliant green was shining with argumentative determination. He wanted me with him. But I wanted the other two with me.
If he wanted me, the other two came as well.
His eyes read mine, searched, saw that I wasn’t willing to budge on this. He eventually nodded. “Fine, we sleep in my room.”
We were quiet as we finished eating, all of us pointedly not looking at each other. It wasn’t awkward though, it was charged. We were all waiting and wondering what it would be like to spend a night together.
Cabe was the first to leave, heading up the stairs with his head hung.
I followed, swallowing the last bite of crust and brushing my hands on Lanier’s joggers. I really needed to get my clothes over here.
He entered the room a few moments before I did and headed straight for the bathroom. I followed, not giving him the space he thought he wanted.
I felt bad, and I couldn’t handle his pain. I needed to give in, just a little, but keep my heart guarded. I wasn’t going to fall for him, I couldn’t, but I could still let him love me. If only for a little while, right?
He tried to close the door, but I was there with my arm out.
“Hey.” I pushed, staring into his scowling face. “Don’t do that, don’t look at me like that.”
“Anna, I’m really trying here.” He turned around and headed into the bathroom, taking a seat on the closed lid of the toilet. I shut the door and leaned up against the counter.
“I know,” I said.
“You fucked Lanier.”
“I did,” I replied in the same tone I used with Quint. I refused to apologize, because I wasn’t fucking sorry. I didn’t want to hurt him or Quint, but I wasn’t going to pretend like I didn’t openly want all of them.
“I don’t know what to do with that.”
I stepped away from the counter and moved toward him, trying like hell to keep my racing heart in check. I wasn’t used to this—comforting another person—but he needed it, and I needed him to go back to normal.
“Look at me,” I said softly. He did, lifting his head to meet my eyes.
God, he was so sad.
“Stand up,” I requested.
He did.
“Kiss me,” I whispered.
“No.”
“Cabe, please.” I was breaking. Which meant he was breaking.
I hated this, I hated this feeling, his torment, the fact that he loved a version of me that I didn’t even remember. I would never be that girl again, but I was in front of him, and if I had to show him affection to not feel this turmoil, then I would do it.
I lifted my hands to the sides of his face and gently pulled his head to mine.
He didn’t return my kiss, just let my lips brush his. I was fragile in that moment, and my defense mechanisms kicked in. I pulled back. “I’m new to this shit, Cabe! I don’t know how to do this; I don’t know how to make you feel better without leading you on and telling you that I can be the girl you used to know. I’m not that girl, but I am right here. I won’t be for long, so I need you to take advantage of this. I need you to stop making me feel this way.”