I stare at the artwork centered over Julia’s fireplace as I talk.
The crinkling of the packaging paper is all the response I get from the other side of the expansive room. It’s so loud that I’m not sure anyone but Maddie even heard me. We’ve been working in relative silence save for the soft sound of music flowing from the kitchen behind us.
“We should go on a girls’ trip,” I offer up and look over my shoulder at Maddie. I shift in my seat and wait for her to meet my gaze.
“Hell yeah,” she answers without hesitation. “What does the newlywed think?” Maddie asks and instantly Jules brightens.
She shrugs as if the word newlywed didn’t make her day and puts the attention back on me as she says, “I’m happy to do whatever you want, Kat.” I hate that Jules is holding back. Every response from her tonight seems muted. She’s happy and she knows I’m not. She’s a newlywed and my marriage is falling apart.
I get it, but she should be happy. She doesn’t have to hold back her joy because I’m falling apart.
“You’re glowing,” I tell her and wait for a response to the compliment, feeling guilty that I haven’t said it sooner. My chest feels tight and I shift into a cross-legged position on the plush carpet as I grab a plastic bottle of water, drinking it down slowly even though it’s room temperature now. The sweeping room of this new build is ridiculous. The entire house still smells of fresh paint. I can imagine they spent several million on it and the movers did most of the work carrying in all the heavy furniture. Jules didn’t trust them with these boxes, though.
Maddie quirks an eyebrow. “You already make a baby?” she asks Jules, her tone devious. I can’t help that my brow raises comically.
“Oh my God, Jules, are you pregnant?” I pile on and Maddie snickers as Jules pulls her tawny hair back and rolls her eyes.
“Shut up,” Jules says playfully and then goes to the granite counter behind us and makes a show of drinking from her glass of wine. Her simple yet chic rose dress flutters as she waves her glass in the air. She’s the epitome of an upper-class socialite.
We exchange amused looks, waiting for her to reply with a straight yes or no.
“Not yet,” Jules finally answers.
“Yet!” Maddie practically shrieks. “First comes love, then comes marriage—”
“Then comes a new home and a fresh start,” Jules says, cutting her off and Sue laughs from her spot in the corner of the living room where she’s been silent all night. Something’s definitely gotten to Sue too.
Although maybe it’s me, maybe I’m why everyone seems off.
“House first, then the baby,” Jules states and then switches the song playing to something more upbeat and less sad. I agree with that decision wholeheartedly.
“Love your house,” Sue comments, not bothering to bring up the idea of a child. “Or is it technically a mansion?” she half jokes.
It’s grand and spacious and much more like Jules’s style than her new husband Mason’s previous home. She got a deal on this property and the amount of space is making me regret buying a place so close to the park. It reminds me how tiny our townhouse is. At least compared to this. Location is everything and we paid handsomely for our little place.
This is also a family home, and I live in a townhouse that’s not meant for anything more than two people … potentially one child, but it would be cramped. I force my lips to stay in place and swallow down the frown and all the feelings threatening to come up.
Full circle I go, all day long. My thoughts always come back to Mason and what we had and everything we could still have.
With a bitter sigh I hope no one heard, I finish my water and get up to grab another drink, shimmying past the three opened boxes and paper sitting on the floor. I made this decision. I need to own up to it and deal with the consequences.
“I’m not sure I can do this girls’ trip,” Sue says seemingly out of nowhere. I’d nearly forgotten about the mention of a trip. I guess that’s how much it means to me.
“It’s just that work …” she adds and then pauses to chew the inside of her cheek. She braces herself on a polished wingback chair before rising and picking up her wineglass. “I’ve got a new boss and he’s a dick with a capital D. There’s no way he’s going to give me time off.”
“It’s not really his position to give it to you,” Maddie says skeptically. “Like, you earn your days. And we haven’t even set a date yet.” The aggressiveness in Maddie’s voice catches me off guard.
Sue stands, an empty glass in hand, meeting me at the small sink filled with ice and bottles of rosé and cabernet. With a glass of wine in her right hand and a ball of packaging paper in her left, she strides past a very young and not at all familiar with the corporate world Maddie, and responds with certainty, “He’ll give me shit.”
“So fuck him,” Maddie says, a little anger coming out. She doesn’t usually get worked up, so I’m taken aback. Everyone is off today … there must be something in the air.
“It’s fine, it was just a thought,” I say and try to smooth the tension flowing between the two of them. “You okay?” I direct my question at Maddie, who doesn’t seem to notice it’s for her, picking up her wineglass and throwing it back.
“I don’t want to set a bad precedent,” Sue states staring directly at Maddie, who refuses to look back at Suzette.
My gaze moves between the two of them and I’m only distracted by the loud clap behind me from Jules. “Who wants some charcuterie?” Jules says and we all turn slowly to see her lifting a tray of cut meats and cheese as if it’s the peace treaty between us.
Sue has the decency to laugh and the small moment of tension is immediately diffused.
I feel odd sitting in this room all of a sudden. Looking around the room, I’m surrounded by friends, but I feel alone. I take another sip of water. It’s all in my head, I’m more than aware of that, but it doesn’t change how I feel.
“Have you slept with him?” Jules regards me as she grabs a contraption from one of her drawers that she uses to uncork the wine bottles. The kitchen is all white. White cabinets and a sleek white countertop. The only color is in the ebony floorboards. It’s luxurious and would be fitting for an editorial photoshoot. Which I promptly told her the moment I stepped foot in this place. I am her agent after all.
“Who with who?” Maddie asks for clarification with a sly smile on her face. “Is Sue sleeping with her boss?” Her question makes Suzette tense and stare back at Maddie with daggers. But Maddie’s oblivious. The two of them should have their own show. If it was up to me, they would and the ratings would be through the roof. Maddie would probably go for it, Sue would never.
“Kat,” Jules answers and her tone is casual, not sympathetic or pushy, no motive apparent. “Have you slept with Evan since it all happened?” she asks again, but more directly and pops the cork from the bottle.
It fizzes as my face heats, knowing the other two women are looking at me, but I wait for Jules. The second she raises her eyes to mine, although it was only meant to be a glance, I nod my head.
I anticipate the scoff of disdain from Sue, the tilted head with a sympathetic look from Maddie, but I don’t know what to expect from Jules.