“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
She pressed her lips together. A smart comment was on the tip of her tongue, but she refused to spill it, not yet.
She stepped into the kitchen and looked into the fridge. There wasn’t a lot to cook with.
“I didn’t get a chance to go to the grocery store.”
“I can go,” she said. “Don’t worry about it.”
“I’ll drive you,” Devil said. “I need to … I need to.”
“I’ll let Simon know.” She made her escape. She’d rather Simon drive her to the supermarket but she had a feeling Devil needed to get out of the house.
Simon kissed her, and she left the main house, finding Devil already in the car.
Climbing into the passenger side, she waited.
Silence was often a comfort. With Devil in the car, it made her uncomfortable.
Devil drove past the supermarket and she looked back. “We kind of need to go there.”
She tensed up as he pressed his foot on the gas. He wouldn’t try to kill her, would he? It wasn’t her fault he was in pain.
Her heart raced. She felt sick to her stomach.
They cleared the town and the moment they got across the line, the worst sound she had ever heard came out of Devil’s mouth. He screamed. His hand hit the steering wheel. The dashboard. Anything he could hurt was there in front of him. He didn’t stop screaming or yelling.
They came to a stop near a beat-up-looking diner. Her lips were pressed together and she kept perfectly still.
Devil stilled. All the violence from a moment ago, gone, as if it never happened. She didn’t dare look at him.
Waiting.
He took a deep breath, followed by another. Then another.
“Time to go back,” he said.
Tabitha remained silent as he drove back, at the correct speed limit.
The music came on and Devil laughed. “Fuck, this hurts.”
She vaguely recognized the tune.
“You know, in the first few weeks of me knowing Lexie, I pissed her off. I was so angry and I said some shit. She’d been working as a stripper to help … with stuff, and, er, I said something mean, and she started dancing to this tune. Took her clothes off in front of the guys. I was so angry, but fuck, she was so full of life. So determined to show me how pissed off she was.”
He coughed, clearing his throat. “I married her because I loved her. Because I couldn’t live without her and I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else knowing that fire. With all the shit I caused in my past, I thought I’d be the one to die first. I deserve it. Not her. Yet, here I am. She’s the one with cancer.”
“She’s not dead,” Tabitha said. “She’s fighting.”
Devil breathed out. “I know.”
“Is this how you deal?” Tabitha asked. “You drive off and scream like that?”
“Yeah. Sometimes I’m on my bike,” he said.
“And it helps?”
“It does.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Simon’s going to piss you off. When you become a Chaos, you won’t always be able to go home to daddy. You’re going to need to learn to have an outlet. This is one of mine.”
“I won’t tell Lexie,” Tabitha said.
“She knows. You’re not keeping any great secret. She knows what I need to do to handle all of this.”
“I’m sorry you’re going through all of this. I wish there was something I could do.”
“There is. Treat my boy right. That’s all I’m asking you, Tabitha, and be honest with him, he deserves it.”
****
The days passed, as did the weeks.
Lexie had good days, bad days, worse ones, hopeful ones. Devil was always there. Christmas came and went by in a blur for everyone. When she was in Piston County, she decorated the house under Lexie’s supervision. She went back home for a couple of days, leaving Simon behind. Being back at home reminded her of how much she missed life there, her parents, Daisy, the guys, the girls. All of them. She missed them even without returning but now, being back on the ground, she knew it was the one place she called home. Determined to help Lexie and Simon, she went back to them.
Back in Piston County, Lexie got sicker. The chemo took its toll and Tabitha was there when she shaved her head rather than allow any more hair to fall out. Lexie hadn’t been able to cope, and so the decision had been quick. Lexie took the first cut, then Tabitha finished it for her.
Late at night, in Simon’s arms, she would sometimes sob. The memories coming at her in full force of the time with Darcy. She had never allowed herself to let go, to show too much, but now, with Lexie, she felt it. The woman went from being strong to weak. But, and this was the part that made her feel the most guilt, she cried sometimes because of missing home. She never told Simon the truth about her tears and he never forced the issue.
Lexie’s illness tore the club apart emotionally. Everyone felt it. Tabitha was there during New Year’s, when they had their clubhouse get-together. All of the club members, their old ladies, kids, family, they were all there and at the table, Tabitha sensed the tension. Lexie was loved by all. She brought everyone together. Being Devil’s old lady, she’d been the voice of reason to so many and helped make decisions as well.
Late January, Devil called her into his office and she knew why. Her bags were already packed. She’d helped out as much as she could, and even Lexie said it was time for her to go home to be with her family.
She sat down opposite him.
“You’re going to be seventeen soon,” he said.
Simon had already celebrated his birthday. They had a short age gap between them. Just a little over a year.
“I know. If I ask my dad, could I stay here?” she asked.
Devil rubbed the back of his head. “Look, Tabitha, having you here hasn’t been a problem. You’ve followed most of the rules of my house.”
“I followed all of them,” she said, interrupting them.
“Simon shares your bed every single night. That is not following all of them.”
“Oh, you knew?”
“This is my house. You think I don’t know what’s going on in it?”
She pressed her lips together, wishing the world could open up and allow her to sink right inside. “Of course.”
“But I believe that you and he have stuck to your promises. I’m going to trust in that.”
“Good. We didn’t break any other rules.”
“But I also know that with you guys getting closer to eighteen, you’re going to have to make a choice. Staying here will make that choice easier for you.”
“And you don’t want me to have it easy?”
Devil shrugged. “I don’t think you should cut off one part of your life just to make it easier for you. The Skulls is your family. Tiny and Eva are your parents. You have a life back in Fort Wills. The longer you stay here, you’ll have to enroll in school. This wasn’t supposed to be permanent. I’ve talked with Tiny. We’re in agreement. We know you and Simon are together, but there’s a path you both have to choose. We can’t make that decision for you.”
“So you’re separating us, again?” Tabitha asked.