Ignoring the downstairs, for now, I make my way up to my bedroom. Only, I don’t push my door open first. Instead, I walk into Sofia’s room. Her scent surrounds me and I look at everything she’s left behind. Her entire life is in this room. She’s got baby photos on the wall, toys from over the years, shelves full of books. I drop down onto her bed and pull one of her stuffed toys into my arms.
Tears burn my eyes as I think about the fact we’re now apart.
Should I have come here? Should I have stayed with them?
The decision to come here seemed so right when I was in Maddison and missing everything about this place but now I’m here, now I’ve already ruined whatever relationship I had with Zayn. I’m starting to wonder.
Am I just making a huge mess of everything?
Pulling my cell from my pocket, I find Auntie Trish’s number, swallow down my emotion, and hit call.
“Hey, sweetie. How is it being back?”
“I-it’s weird,” I admit, the emotion I thought I’d banished coming back full force and I fight not to allow a sob to erupt. “How are the kids doing? I miss them.”
“Would you like to talk to them?”
“Yes, please.”
“Hang on, I’ll grab them and put you on speaker.”
I wait as she calls for both Austin and Sofia and in only a few minutes I hear their sweet little voices through the phone.
“Poppy,” they both sing simultaneously. Their excitement makes my heart ache.
“Hey, you guys. How are you?”
“Good. Auntie Trish is taking us out to buy new toys later. How cool is that?”
“That’s very cool, bud. Do you know what you want?”
Austin chats away about this new game he wants and I’m pleasantly surprised it doesn’t involve killing anyone.
“Do you want me to send the console to you?” I ask, thinking of the old one they have sitting in Austin’s bedroom.
“No, it’s okay. Evan is beside himself at being able to buy a new one.”
“They don’t need a new one, you don’t need to spend that much.”
“It’s okay, Poppy. We’re not going to spoil them. But we want this place to be their home. Especially if it’s going to be long term.” She knows as well as I do that it’s going to be.
“What about you, Sof? What are you going to get?”
She’s silent for a beat. “I... I don’t know. I don’t think I need anything.”
My heart breaks for my poor little sister. “Aw, well, I’m sure you’ll find something once you’re there. What about that new baby that you showed me on the TV?” I ask, thinking of the one she excitedly pointed out a few weeks ago.
“Maybe. But I’ve got Sarah,” she says, referencing her beloved doll that is usually attached to her hip.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll figure it out. How’s Cooper?”
“Ugh, he doesn’t stop crying.”
“Why?” I ask, a little too quickly.
“It’s okay, sweetie. I think he’s just starting to teethe. He’s just had a bit of a temperature. It’s nothing to worry about, I’m sure. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment for them on Monday to get them checked out and registered here.”
“That’s good.”
“We’re really all okay,” Austin says.
“I know you are. I just miss you.”
“We miss you too. But we want you to be happy.”
“Aw, bud. I’m so sorry about all of this.”
Everyone falls silent and I can imagine Austin shrugging in the way he does when our parents did something they shouldn’t have and he just dealt with it.
“Are you excited to go and see your new school?” I ask, trying to turn the conversation to something a little less depressing.
“Yeah, Auntie Trish says it’s got this amazing playground.”
I should hope so for the cost of the tuition. I still can’t believe that Auntie Trish and Uncle Evan are willing to enroll them both into the prep school, but I’m equally thrilled for the two of them. They’re going to get an incredible education and great start in life despite the past few years. As shitty as this situation is, it could well be the best thing that ever happened to the three of them.
“That sounds awesome.” I can tell they’re starting to lose interest so I say my goodbyes and allow them to go back to whatever they were playing before I interrupted.
“They’re really happy, Poppy. You don’t need to worry about them.”
“I can’t help it. I’ve been the only one doing so for so long now that it’s kind of ingrained.”
“I know, and they will never forget what you did for them. You’re way more than just a sister to them. Anyway, how was the party last night? Was it good to see your friends again?”
“Ugh, yeah... it was good.” The party was... meh. I was desperate to get back and see everyone but I wasn’t expecting to be so nervous and that ruined it for me. I should have just had a drink and enjoyed myself, but being in the same house as Zayn turned me into a nervous wreck and I couldn’t relax at all. Then Harley and Ruby got trashed and that kind of ruined everything. “It’s nice to be with friends though. I think it might just take a bit of time to get used to this new normal.”
“That’s to be expected, Poppy. None of what you’re going through right now is easy. Just take each day as it comes. Hopefully, we’ll get news sooner rather than later and we can all try to restart our lives.”
“We can only hope. I should go, I’ve got a few things I need to do. I’ll get more of the kids’ stuff packed up for you soon.”
“There’s no rush, Poppy. They’ve got everything they need for now.”
“Thank you, Auntie Trish.”
“I’d do anything for all of you, you know that.”
“I really appreciate it. Just hearing their voices, I know how happy they are.”
“They’re going to have a good life here, and you’re welcome anytime. You’ve got your key. This house is your home too, Poppy.”
“I know,” I choke out. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Speak soon.”
We hang up and I spend a few more minutes with Sofia’s teddy clutched to my chest before I push from the bed and make my way to my room.
Opening my closet, I pull out a couple of old bags and place them on the bed next to the teddy before turning around and making quick work of rummaging through my things.
I don’t pack everything. I don’t need or want everything. I have no idea what’s going on, but there’s going to be time to come back and go through the rest over the coming weeks and months I’m sure.
The last thing I want to take with me is something I’m not sure I’m going to find. My parents have never been the kind of people to keep all our important documents in any kind of sensible place.
I’m sitting on the floor rummaging through the disaster that is the filing cabinet my parents abandoned years ago hoping to find a piece of paper to confirm everything that Auntie Trish told Jake and I last week.
I’ve never seen my birth certificate. I’ve had no reason to. I was brought up believing that my parents were my parents so I didn’t really need to go snooping, but now, I’m more than intrigued to see what it says.