I find the kids’ ones first in a nice folder before discovering mine right at the bottom of the drawer screwed up at the back.
Gently pulling it out, I smooth the paper out before looking down at what it says.
My breath catches at seeing it before me.
Poppy Anastasia Thorn
My hand flies to my mouth as I suck in a deep breath. I didn’t not believe Auntie Trish but there was a small amount of suspicion after that revelation. It all just seemed too good to be true. I’d always felt a deeper connection to Jake. I put it down to the fact that he was my family and treated like crap for no reason. I just wanted to help him, to save him. But it turns out it really was more than that.
Pulling out my cell, I snap a photo of the creased paper before sending it to Jake.
He reads it almost instantly and starts typing, only when a new message comes through, it’s not from Jake.
My hands tremble as I stare at the name on the notification sitting proudly in the middle of the screen.
This shouldn’t be happening.
She shouldn’t be contacting me.
Standing, I pace back and forth a few times as I try to decide what to do. I should delete it without even looking. That’s what I’ve been told to do should either of them try to contact me.
But can I do that?
She might be useless most of the time, but at the end of the day, she’s still my mom.
“Fuck,” I breathe, swiping the screen and tapping on her name.
Mom: I’m so sorry, baby. I’ve done nothing but let you down.
Shit.
My thumb moves as if I’m going to reply but then the little bouncing dots start and I halt, wanting to see what she’s going to say next.
I wait a few seconds but I soon get to find out.
Mom: I’ve screwed everything up. I’ve ruined your life. Your brothers’ and sister’s lives. You’re better off without me.
Every part of me wants to reply, to tell her that everything is going to be okay. But equally, I’m desperate to follow the rules of her bail and not contact her.
They didn’t allow her back here for fear she might not be able to stay away. Good move, it seems. I’d originally thought that she’d probably like the freedom, but then I guess she always had d-dad previously. Now she’s got no one.
Before I get to make a decision, another message comes.
Mom: It all ends today. Everything. I’m going back to where all this started and I’m going to end everything for good. I just needed you to know that I love you and I never wanted it to come to this. I’m sorry.
My eyes widen as I stare at her words. Thinking I’ve read it wrong, I read and reread her message but every time the same words taunt me.
It all ends today.
End everything for good.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I chant, spinning on the spot, not knowing what to do.
Without too much thought, my thumbs start flying over the screen.
Poppy: Where are you? I’ll come now. Please. Please don’t do anything stupid.
My hands tremble as I send the message and my eyes burn with tears. Surely she doesn’t mean it. She’s just being dramatic, wanting attention. It sure wouldn’t be the first time. But she’s never sounded quite this serious.
“Fuck,” I bark when I see that my message has been read but she’s not typing. “Oh my God. Oh my God.”
My ass hits the chair before I realized that I was going to sit down as I continue staring at my screen long after it’s gone dark.
I run her words over and over in my head but no matter how many seconds tick by, I don’t get any closer to figuring out what to do.
Poppy: Mom please, don’t do this. Let me help you. Tell me where you are.
This time when it’s read, the dots start bouncing and I breathe a sigh of relief.
Mom: I’m going back to where it all began, where the mistakes started.
“That’s not fucking helpful,” I scream into the silence of the house.
Screenshotting our conversation, I send it to Jake. I notice that he’s still not replied to my previous message and that this new one doesn’t show as read before I lock my cell, drop it into my pocket, and collect the bags I’d left in the hallway.
I’m throwing everything into Harley’s trunk when an idea slams into me.
Auntie Trish said that they all met at school. Her, Mom, Kate, our dad, Will.
“Fuck.” I race to the driver’s side and after fumbling with the seat belt, I turn the engine over and slam my foot down on the accelerator sending gravel flying into the air behind me.
My heart is in my throat as I pull the car to a stop in the school parking lot. There are a couple of others here, but I don’t see anyone.
Jesus. What the fuck am I doing? I’m probably way off the mark here.
I climb from the car and begin walking around the campus.
I check my cell again, despite the fact it’s not gone off and I find that I haven’t received anything else from Mom and that Jake’s still not read the messages.
My legs pick up the pace as I convince myself that I’m going to find something, anything that’s going to help.
I find myself breaking into a run as I come toward the gym building. Just like everywhere else, it’s deserted.
I come to a stop, place my hands on my knees, and drag in some much needed air into my lungs.
This is crazy. She’s not here.
Standing, I look up to the sky wishing that she hadn’t put me in this position when something on the roof catches my eye.
She wouldn’t. Would she?
I look around, not even knowing how to get up there.
I race around the building hoping to find the answer but there is no ladder or anything to climb on, I do, however, find the main door slightly ajar when I get to it.
Assuming it’s how she’d have gotten in, I pull it open and step inside.
Not being sporty in any way, I’m not exactly familiar with this building so my eyes flick from left to right trying to find the answer. And I finally do when I find another half open door.
Looking back over my shoulder, I pull it wider and step through.
My heart thunders in my chest and my blood races past my ears as I make my way up the stairs behind the door.
At the top, I find another door and after sucking in a long, calming breath, I reach out a shaky hand and push it open.
The sun blinds me for a second after the darkness of the building and I squint as my eyes water.
My vision might be blurry, but I don’t see anyone.
I almost laugh to myself when I realize that I’ve been drawn into this wild goose chase for someone who doesn’t want to be found. It must have just been a bird or something I saw. She’s not here.
I’m about to turn to go back to the car and return to the Hunter’s when something hard connects with my head and everything goes black.
31
Zayn
I shouldn’t have gone back to the party last night, and I really shouldn’t have swiped the first bottle I found and drunk it all before finding another.
I couldn’t help it.