A creak outside the door alerts me that someone else is in the apartment. I slip out of Dean’s room and quietly shut the door behind me, holding my breath and hoping the click isn’t too loud.
Turning around, I spot Michael coming out of my doorway. He gives me an edgy smile and runs his hand through his hair. It flops back down over his forehead as I approach him.
“What are you doing in here?” I whisper.
“Jackson was too scared to come in alone. We didn’t know where you were. He’s getting changed.”
I glance into my room and notice my bed has been made. The cover is pulled tight, wrinkle free… just the way I like it. My pillow’s even sitting at the perfect angle.
“Did you…?” I point at the bed, and he just smiles at me.
And I love him.
I wonder if my gooey smile tells him so.
“What were you doing down there?” Michael lifts his chin to indicate Dean’s door.
“I was checking that the beast was still out cold. I don’t want to be around when he wakes up.” I cross my arms, trying to hide the shudder quaking my spine.
“C’mere.” Michael pulls me toward him, wrapping his arms around me and kissing the top of my head. I look up, drinking in his sweet expression before rising to my tiptoes and kissing him.
His musky scent wraps around me, his warm lips taking me home.
“Eww. I don’t want to see that.” Jackson’s grumble pulls us apart. He eyes up Michael with a scowl. “Stop shovin’ your tongue in my sister’s mouth. That’s gross.”
I giggle and lean against Michael’s chest. My cheeks feel like they’re on fire.
Jackson’s still frowning, so I bulge my eyes at him, telling him to quit it.
Michael clears his throat, grabbing Jackson’s attention. “You know what, you guys? It’s a beautiful day. Let’s get out of here. Go do something in the sunshine.”
Jackson perks up immediately, his frown scuttling away behind an excited grin. “Let’s go for a picnic by the river. I’ll go get my soccer ball.”
He scoots away and I smile up at Michael, pecking his lips once more before going to get ready myself.
An hour later I’m sitting on a picnic blanket watching Michael, my brother and Billy chasing a white ball across the grass.
Franks pops a grape in her mouth while I nibble on a slice of apple.
“Even Mama can’t be mad at me for skippin’ church today. This is perfect.”
I grin at my best friend. “Thanks for comin’.”
“Thanks for callin’.” She sits up, wiggling her eyebrows at me.
She’s gonna start talking about Michael in a second. I can feel it. I haven’t told her about what he said to me last night, or the fact that we spent the night together. It’s not like it was a romantic thing, although before Dean got home… well, it was certainly hot.
I don’t know if I could have stopped myself. I felt how much we both wanted to go all the way, but a part of me is relieved we didn’t. It’d be my first time, and even though the thought of giving that to Michael is good, do I really want it to be this spontaneous, thoughtless thing? My body says yes, but my mind keeps ringing with Mama’s warning.
“Don’t have sex until you’re ready.” She was rushing out those life lessons near the end of her time, trying to gift me all she could. “Just because you love him doesn’t mean it’s right. You wait until you’re sure. Until you know he loves you too. You find a man who’s gonna treat you right, protect you, love you no matter what you say. Then you gift each other your all.” She gripped my hand real tight as she whispered those words. It kind of makes me wonder if that’s what she always wanted but never quite got. “You won’t regret waitin’,” she’d whispered, then drifted off to sleep.
I glance at Franks out of the corner of my eye and wonder if I should ask her about it. I’m pretty sure she and Billy have been sleeping together since Christmas. She told me all about it after it happened. She was floating high and giddy on love. I didn’t fully comprehend it at the time, but now that Michael’s in my life, maybe I’m starting to understand.
“So, how’s it goin’ with you two?” She points at Michael, and I can’t help but smile.
“It’s good.”
“You’re lookin’ a little loved-up there, Annie Bird.”
I try to squash my grin, but it doesn’t work.
Franks giggles and nudges my shoulder, tipping me over.
I right myself with a giggle.
“Well, are you?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I mean, I’m still gettin’ to know him. When did you know you were in love with Billy?”
“By our second date.”
“Your second date?” My voice pitches with surprise. “But that’s so fast.”
“I didn’t tell him right away. I just knew it in my heart. And then he just kept provin’ himself over and over again. He fills in all my spaces, Annie.”
I wrinkle my nose. “Do I even want to know what that means?”
She laughs and shuffles around on the blanket so she can face me.
“You know what I think when I see you two?” She grabs another three grapes, playing with them in her hand.
Sucking the sweetness out of my apple, I look at her, wondering if I even want to ask.
But her big eyes are begging me, so I say, “What?”
“He’s dusk. You’re dawn.”
“What does that mean?”
“Well, you know. He’s quiet and broodin’ like a night sky, and you’re a ray of sunshine, lightin’ up the day.”
My gut sinks and I toss my apple into the bush behind us. “So, you’re saying we’re opposites. We shouldn’t be together?”
“Uh, no! Of course you should be together. Don’t you get it? You’re a circle. Dusk ’til dawn, dawn ’til dusk. The day can’t function any other way. All the things he doesn’t have, you’ve got, and vice versa. You make a whole. A complete circle. Together.” She drops the grapes in her lap and threads her fingers to make a ball with her hands. “He fills in all your spaces. See what I mean?”
I blink at my friend for a moment, then finally manage, “Wow, Franks, that’s real deep of you.”
She raises her chin and looks out across the grass. “I have my moments.”
I giggle and lean over to kiss her cheek. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Annie Bird.”
We grin at each other, and I wonder how I’m ever supposed to leave her.
Then again, she’ll be leaving me soon enough.
And then what will I have?
I stare out toward the river, watching Jackson jump on Michael’s back and turn soccer into a game of Kill the Carrier.
Michael laughs, shaking Jackson off his back and starting to run.
Billy gives chase, and soon all three of them are piling over some imaginary score line and laughing like idiots.
I want this moment to last forever.
This right here… is joy.
33
A Better Man