His lips clashed with mine. We fought with our teeth, our hands, and our souls. I pushed at his chest, but he didn’t move. He never moved. That man was rigid in every sense of the word. He took what he wanted without care for the ramifications, and I let him.
I was almost worried about where we were. I almost cared that he was devouring me in his classroom and that at any moment, someone could walk through that door and destroy the secret we’d been harboring. But that was what I wanted, right?
So even though it hurt—even though it killed me to taste the mint on his breath and the hurt on his tongue—I caved into my body’s demands and kissed him back. “I don’t deserve you,” he whispered between kisses, so low I almost missed it.
“Is that why you let me go? Is that why you gave up on me?” I asked while unfastening the buttons on his pants. I hoped his groans filled the hallways of this damn school.
“You didn’t even give me a chance,” he growled before picking me up and placing me on the lab table. My legs parted, and he stepped closer to me. “We agreed to try.”
I yanked on his hair before lavishing his neck with more kisses, scraping my teeth along his sensitive skin before sucking on his pulse. I moved with the hopes of marking his mind, body, and soul. I wanted the evidence of my love for him branded on his rough skin. “I’m done trying. I’m done hiding.”
“What about my job?” Decker asked as I pulled his hard cock out of his pants. It was huge in my palm, throbbing at my touch.
“If you cared about your job, you wouldn’t be about to fuck me on this table, Decker.”
“Punk,” he groaned before thrusting his hand between my thighs. His fingers found my heat, and I threw my head back as he stroked my electric need.
“Admit it,” I demanded while aligning him with my center. He continued to tease my clit, and it was cruel how amazing he felt. “Admit it, Decker,” I said again when he wordlessly pushed my panties to the side.
“No,” he replied before sliding in me. I could have torn a hole through my lip with how hard I was biting it. My fingers clawed at his back. His hands dug into my hips. My heart was on fire with hate and energy and pain.
He thrust again and again, slamming the table against the classroom walls. Certainly, someone would hear. Was this his way of giving in? Of telling the world about us? I said his name, my voice growing louder with each syllable.
“Be quiet, Blakely,” he ordered before slamming his palm over my mouth. I whimpered at his silencing of me. I knew it was rational. I knew I shouldn’t want to be caught. But it was too symbolic of our relationship for it to not hurt.
Tears streamed down my cheeks and I didn’t let another sound escape my throat. If he wanted to say goodbye like this, I’d let him. I’d leave him in a way that honored our relationship: without a word.
A million lifetimes passed between each thrust. A million heartbreaks. I made peace with my broken heart in the silence of our fuck. I accepted his decision when we both came on the desk. We were nothing but writhing bodies. Only harsh gasps escaped our parted lips.
When he pulled out, it felt like he took my soul with him. He rested his forehead against mine as he calmed his breathing, his dark eyes never once leaving mine. “You’re mine, Blakely,” he promised, and it was the first lie I think he’d ever told me.
“Not anymore,” I promised before getting off the table and straightening my clothes.
Mama used to say that you could tell a lot about a man by the way they left you. She had enough practice being left to know what she was talking about. So I walked out of Decker’s classroom with my head held high, my fists clenched, and my soul on my sleeve. The day Mama died, I vowed to never be like her, and today I was the one that did the leaving.
30
Blakely
As I walked down the hallway and toward the lunchroom, Max called after me. I kept my feet moving, wishing this day would be over. “Hey,” he called out. “Are you okay?”
I briefly nodded and continued to walk, but he tugged at my shoulder and pulled me against the lockers. “I’m fine,” I choked out. The hall was mostly empty, as the bell had just rung, but I still felt crowded. The world felt too small.
Max looked left and right before speaking to me in a low voice so as not to be overheard. “You and Mr. Harris look like shit, babe. Did something happen?” he asked. “You can tell me. We’re friends, remember?”
I swallowed back emotions while trying not to give him a reaction. Everywhere ached. My heart, my sex, and my soul were battered by Decker’s touch. Sex with him in his classroom should have been hot and memorable, but it felt wrong. It wasn’t us; it was two fighting bodies trying to convince themselves that they belonged together.
Even though Decker and I were over, I wasn’t willing to out our relationship entirely to Maximillian. “I broke up with my boyfriend from Texas,” I finally admitted. It felt good to tell someone, even though it was veiled with a lie.
Max rolled his eyes. “We’re still saying it’s a boyfriend from Texas? All right, I’ll play.”
Against my better judgment, I smiled at his willingness to not ultimately call me out on my bullshit. “It just got too hard,” I admitted. “It was too much work. Too much risk. Too many secrets and hopes with no place to go.” Max took another step closer before bracing his hands against the lockers by my head. I felt caged in but comforted. “He didn’t even fight it,” I said with a choked sob. “I deserved a better goodbye, and I can’t even blame him. It happened over the phone. And then just now…” My voice trailed off. I couldn’t talk about what just transpired. “I’m the one that ended things, so why does it hurt so bad?”
“It hurts because he’s a dumb ass,” Maximillian replied simplistically. “Look, I’ve embraced the friend zone. Hell, I’ve built up camp here. But if I had a girl like you? There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you. I’d stalk you down, drive all the way from Texas, and demand that you stay with me. You need a man that shows up, and if he’s not willing to do that for you, then I’m happy to show you what it feels like to be properly chased.” His smile was warm, but I pressed at his chest with a pain-filled giggle. He remained firm and leaned close enough to rest his forehead against mine. It felt wrong to stand so close to him after everything that had happened, but I reveled in the comfort he offered.
The thing was, I’d never want Maximillian the same way I wanted Decker. Decker taught me how to breathe again. He helped me sail across an ocean of pain and loneliness. He carried me to a place of self-care and acceptance. Decker Harris bled truths from me like a cherished offering. Nothing would ever be the same. But I couldn’t love a secret, not when our relationship was built on raw honesty. I couldn’t love a lie.
“Shouldn’t the two of you be at lunch?” a low voice growled. It was a voice that haunted me. Decker.
Maximillian snapped his attention toward Decker, but I kept my gaze firmly on the ground as shame filled my cheeks. I knew what this looked like and didn’t want to see the pain I just knew was on Decker’s face.
“Sorry, Mr. H. My girl here has a broken heart, and I was just trying to help her out.” His tone was dripping with insinuations and insults, and Maximillian was glowering in Decker’s direction.