Kira's gaze fell on Finn as a dismayed look settled on her face.
"You don't seem pleased with this knowledge," Graydon said.
"I never want to be in charge of anyone else's life besides my own, again." Her words revealed much more than she intended, but she couldn't take them back now.
The truth of them reverberated in the air between them.
"You inspire loyalty in those around you," Graydon said as they approached the edge of the city before it dropped to the sea. A waist-high wall ran along the cliff, and Graydon leaned muscular forearms against the stone. "I doubt your fallen would appreciate you using their deaths as a reason to hide."
Kira couldn’t help her weary huff. "You're right about that—but then the dead don't get to choose."
That blessing and curse lay solely with the living.
A pair of youths, not much older than Ziva, frolicked along the wall's edge, catching Kira's attention. She watched the excitement and innocent joy on their faces as they played a game that looked like an energetic version of tag.
They held an innocence that was missing from her young friend. The horrors of life had touched Ziva and Joule, marking them indelibly and forever changing them. They'd tasted the dark parts it had to offer; they'd known loss, and there was no way to wipe away its sting again.
"Do you remember what it's like to be young?" Kira peered at the ocean far below and the lights that glittered and swirled under its waves.
"A little," Graydon said, allowing the shift in topic. "My parents were often busy, but I remember the games my father played with me and the way my mother laughed at the two of us."
"I don't remember ever feeling young," Kira confessed. "My childhood was pain and rage. The closest I came to joy was during the height of the war with the rest of the Curs."
They'd steadied her. For the first time, she'd felt like she belonged somewhere. She'd been good at something. There had been difficulties, sure, but it had felt worth it.
She missed that sense of purpose, even as she knew there was no returning to those days.
"Do you regret not ever having what they had?" Graydon asked, nodding toward the two.
Kira considered. "Regret isn't the right word. I wonder what it would have been like, to grow up assured of my parents’ love, to know they would do anything to keep me from harm."
A hum rumbled from Graydon. "I can't help but notice the distinct lack of questions you have regarding them." He slid her a look. "And I can't help but wonder if that is by design."
Kira allowed herself a brief smile. She should have known he'd see through that. "You can't exactly manipulate someone's desires if you never know what those desires are."
"And yet you'll never learn anything if the questions are left unasked," Graydon returned.
She leaned her chin on her fist. "Right now, I'm more interested in Wren's story."
The man held her immediate future in his hands. She needed to get through him for a shot at the trial and later the adva ka. It was all one giant stepping stone, and he was the gatekeeper.
"You remind him of painful things," Graydon said, shooting her a look that said she wasn't fooling him. For now, he was going to let her dodge the subject of her parents, but not always.
Kira waited, hoping Graydon would continue.
He sighed and shook his head as he gave in. "He and Loudon used to serve Harlow as oshota. Both men lost much in the same attack that took the lives of your parents. Wren lost a daughter; Loudon, a wife."
Kira's head lifted. "Obviously, they responded differently to tragedy."
Graydon grunted. "Loudon threw himself into studying the Mea’Ave and its will. It meant he could no longer serve as an oshota because no sword would ever eclipse his loyalty to the Mea’Ave. Wren became one of the best military commanders the emperor and Roake has ever had. He used his grief as fuel to ascend to the next level. It took him beyond being an oshota and made him more. Now, he's one of the most respected among the warrior class. He almost never takes apprentices."
"So, the fact he's here says something," Kira concluded, her eyes narrowed.
Graydon shrugged. "You'll have to ask your uncle or Wren about that. I had nothing to do with it."
For once.
"Why?" Kira asked.
"If I had to guess, it's because Wren is the best. Your uncle is many things, but I have never doubted his devotion to his brother—and by extension, you."
Kira cast him an arch look. "Is that why you sold me out to him?"
Graydon pressed a hand to his chest. "Such harsh words, but we both know in my position you'd do the same." He lifted a finger and pressed it into her forehead. "Like it or not, you contain the potential to be a devastating weapon. No sane person would allow that weapon to be turned against them. There was also the small fact of your health." He dipped his chin, staring at her from under lowered brows. "Or are you going to try to convince me, you're not using this opportunity to your advantage."
Kira avoided his gaze, staring stubbornly at the sea. Maybe so, but that didn't mean she had to be happy about the part he'd played in matters.
His shoulder nudged her. "You forget I saw you drop the initiates off that cliff. You had fun. I know you did."
Her answer was forestalled as one of the youths lost his balance. Kira jolted forward as they teetered on the edge, knowing she would never be in time.
Graydon remained motionless behind her as the youth plummeted. Several seconds later, a splash sounded, and then a voice shouted up at them.
Kira watched open-mouthed as the second youth laughed before backflipping off the cliff.
Two heads appeared in the waves below as they swam along the cliffs.
"The adal. Loosely translated, it means the reckoning," Graydon mused, joining her where she peered over the edge. "I remember doing something similar when I was their age. Tuann on the cusp of adolescence often challenge each other to dangerous undertakings. As challenges go, this one is relatively safe."
"Relatively?" Kira stared at him in disbelief.
Did he understand how far below the ocean was? If they hit it wrong, they could break a limb. At the very least, they could knock the air out of their lungs and make surfacing difficult. She'd known hardened soldiers who would have hesitated at such a jump.
Graydon grinned, his expression suddenly sly.
Kira took a step back. "Don't even think about it."
Graydon was already climbing onto the edge. "You wanted to know what it would have meant to grow up Tuann."
Kira lunged, trying to grab him. Too late as he tilted, letting gravity drag him over the edge. He dropped into a headfirst dive.
"You're still wearing your armor," she shouted after him.
It was no use. He was already gone.
Kira shot an angry glance at Finn and the rest of Graydon's oshota. They stared placidly back.
Kira growled before clambering onto the wall. At least she knew where she got her lack of fear about heights from. It seemed her species were nearly as crazy as her.
She stepped away from the wall, not allowing herself to second guess or think about all the things that could go wrong. Things like hitting rock instead of water, of getting sucked down by an undertow, drowning, breaking a limb. Nothing mattered except the thrill of falling.