“I’m supposed to be the one helping you.”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “You did your part. Now I’m grown. And that means we’re equals. You help me and I help you. It’s my turn. So let me help.”
“I’m fine.”
“Really? Is that why you’re freaking out that maybe Cam is coming back to stay? That he wants to? That you probably have a lot to do with that?”
He caught a glimpse of anxiety and panic in her eyes before she turned away.
“You’re afraid,” he realized. “Afraid to let anyone in, afraid to let anyone love you.”
She gave a forced laugh. “That’s . . . ridiculous. I’d have to be pretty damn broken to feel that way.”
“Ah, Piper. It’s okay to be broken. Broken can be fixed.” He stood just behind her, watching her carefully, not wanting to push her over the edge, but wanting to make her see that she was working with his own MO here—survivor’s guilt.
Finally, she huffed out a sigh and shook her head as she turned back to him. “What do you want me to say? That you’re right? That I am freaking out just a little bit?”
“Or you know, a lot.”
She rolled her eyes. “I don’t know how to make something like this work. Opening up and letting him see all the corners and the dust in the rafters and the shit I’ve hidden deep in the basement . . .”
He laughed. “Trust me, if I can do it drug free, then you sure as hell can. Just don’t be the you that’s, um . . .”
“What?”
“You know. A little anal.”
She went brows up. “Excuse me?”
“And don’t use that PMS tone either,” he said. “Oh, and while you’re at it, don’t not listen.”
“Hey, I listen.”
“You pretend to, but you don’t, not really. Instead you tell people what to do and how to think.”
Her eyes narrowed, but then she paused, chewed on her lower lip. “Dammit. I really hate when you’re right.”
“The good news is that knowing it is half the battle,” he said.
“Maybe you should try heeding your own advice sometime.”
At the knock on the front door, they looked at each other, Piper as on edge as he. It was anyone’s guess as to which of their current mistakes had stopped by. Piper rolled her eyes at the both of them and they moved to the living room and opened the door.
It was CJ, and Piper visibly sagged with relief. If Gavin hadn’t been suddenly so tense he’d lost the ability to breathe, he might’ve laughed at the stay-of-execution expression on her face as she vanished to leave them alone.
Gavin was having trouble drawing in air as he took in the sight of CJ standing there looking like the best thing he’d ever screwed up. “You come to twist the knife deeper?” he asked, with a calm he didn’t feel.
CJ shut the door behind him and came closer, but didn’t touch Gavin. Instead, he looked him in the eyes and said, “So Axel showed up at the station today.”
This shocked Gavin. Axel hated cops, and probably especially hated CJ, but he’d never say so. “Why would he do that?”
“He wanted to tell me that you’d told him I didn’t trust you, but that I should trust you because you’ve got your shit together. He said he’s a great sponsor, that he takes pride in it. He also said that you don’t really need him, and yet you still make sure to see him every week. Said it was important to you to stay on top of things. For the people you love.”
“He shouldn’t have done that. He probably got hives just walking into the station.”
CJ grimaced and ran a hand over his unshaved scruff that looked far sexier than it had a right to. “He said that he thought it was noble of you to not break confidences, but in this case, also misguided.”
Gavin crossed his arms over his chest. “Did he say anything else?”
“That he was flattered I was jealous, but he’d have to be more than a bipolar addict to date you because you’re too much for him to handle.”
Gavin snorted because that sounded like Axel, but his amusement faded quickly and he looked away. “Yeah, well, most people feel that way about me.”
“Not me.” CJ came close. “And I’m about as far from perfect as you can get.”
“You seem pretty perfect to me.”
CJ held his gaze, his own softer now as he shook his head. “You look at me with rose-colored glasses, you always have.”
“Maybe that’s because I have no idea what attracts you to me.” Gavin spread his arms. “I’ve got literally nothing to offer you. I feel like I get so much from you, and I can’t begin to return the favor.”
CJ stepped closer and took his hand. “For a long time, I’ve been nothing but the job. I need to be more than that. When I’m with you, I am. And I like that person. You asked why I never found the One. It was because it’s you, Gavin. It’s been you all along. You were right. You’ve done nothing wrong. I got scared, and I’m sorry. I’ve wanted to say this to you every day since, but I didn’t know how.”
Gavin felt a rush of something inside him, a mix of relief and hope. “Seems you said it just fine.”
“I love that you’re dedicated to being the best you that you can be. I’m in awe of that.”
“That’s not all I’m dedicated to,” Gavin said in a lighter, more playful tone.
CJ smiled. “The last time you were that dedicated was in my shower a few weeks back, and you bruised your knees.”
“My knees are as tough as the rest of me,” Gavin assured him. “And while I love where you’re going with this, it’s not what I meant.” He drew in a shaky breath. “I’m dedicated to you,” he said. “You once accused me of simply surviving and not really living, and you were right. When I came to Wildstone, I didn’t think I was good enough for the people I loved. That in fact, I hurt them just by being who I was. My parents. Arik. My sisters. You,” he said. “It made me keep myself emotionally distanced. And it’s an easy step from there to not feel connected enough to care. But there’s something about you that blasts away my walls and burrows in. I love you, CJ, I always have. It just took me longer than most to believe in myself enough for this. For us.” He tugged CJ in, intending to lay a long, soul-searching kiss on him that would hopefully lead to the rest of their lives, but CJ put a hand to his chest to stop him.
Gavin’s heart tripped. “What?”
“I brought food.”
Gavin nearly collapsed in relief. “The way to my heart.”
“It’s the makings for tacos.”
Gavin felt the last little pieces of himself fall into place. “A love story in five words.”
Chapter 27
“Well, that escalated quickly.”
A week after he’d left, Cam pulled back into his dad’s driveway starving, exhausted, and on edge. In the old days, that had meant he’d been looking for a fight or sex—he hadn’t been particularly picky. But with the dubious honor of getting older, he needed more than either of those things. He should’ve stayed away a few extra days to reacclimate, but he’d wanted to get back to Wildstone.