“Can you tell me what you do know?”
“I know I want you.”
“You’ve had me. Only a few hours ago, in fact,” he murmured on a small smile. “I’m sleeping in the wet spot. And you know what I mean.”
Did she? The kick of her heart against her ribs certainly suggested she did, that she knew exactly what he wanted to hear. He wanted more. And he wanted to know if she did too. “And if your transfer doesn’t come through?”
“Geography isn’t a hurdle. Not in my book. I can always leave the DEA and find something here. But I’m pretty sure they’ll transfer me.”
“You’ve heard from them then?” she asked.
“Not yet, but they said they intended to keep me, however they could. As for the Coast Guard, I was active duty for twelve years, and have two in the Reserve. I’ll be able to retire in two years.” He gave a small, dry smile. “Although I can’t tell if you’re more worried about my transfer not coming through, or that it will.”
Yeah, her either. She’d planned on him being nothing more than the fun-time guy to have a little thing with. That’s what her bullet journal had him down as. And that shit was in ink, which meant it was gospel. She’d never have done it if she’d known he planned on sticking around. “You’d really retire?”
He shrugged. “I’ve had my share of excitement. More than.” He paused. “So what are you afraid of?”
Only everything, not the least of which was that he could read her like a damn book. She was no longer surprised to realize that he was much deeper and more complicated than she’d ever imagined. So yeah, she was scared. Scared to go deeper, and even more scared to lose him, as at the moment, he was the only sane thing in her world. “I’m not sure afraid is the right word.”
“What is then?”
Good question. What if he decided that if she couldn’t give that mysterious “more,” would he walk away? It wouldn’t be the first time. But unlike with Ry, she was in too deep with Cam to not get hurt if he did. Freaking out a little bit, she slipped out of bed, busying herself looking for her clothes, which she’d been stupid enough—and excited enough—to strew everywhere last night in her hurry to get him naked. “I’ve got to get to work by seven, sorry.”
“Are you?”
She glanced over at him still in the bed, the sheet sunk dangerously low on his hips. His hair was tousled, his stubble delicious, and he looked like the very best thing she’d ever seen. “It’s work,” she said. “I don’t have any control over that.”
Cam slid out of the bed. “Are you going to tell me what you’re thinking, or keep me hanging while I’m gone?”
Where was her other shoe? Her bra? Dammit. She stilled, eyes closed. He was going to go on a mission. It was his job, his life, and yet . . . he was probably being shipped out to a place like where her parents had been killed.
He turned her to face him. He was holding her bra. “Playing games is unlike you, Piper. You’re one of the most direct women I’ve ever known. If you don’t want what I want, or if you’re not feeling anything, just tell me.”
Look at him, way overestimating her emotional ability. Had he not met her? In any case, she was feeling a whole bunch, thank you very much. But their needs were complete opposites. She’d been planning on going out and getting the life she’d been waiting years to get, and he was looking to sink roots and settle down.
If she gave in to what they had between them, it could mean compromising her life. Again.
Footsteps sounded on the deck, and then someone was knocking on the latched door. “Cam?” came Gavin’s voice. “Piper’s with you, right?”
Cam waited for her to hastily pull on the rest of her clothes before opening the door.
“Hey,” her brother said. He took in Piper’s state of dishevelment and then Cam in just the sweatpants and expansive bare chest. “I’m interrupting.”
“Yes,” Cam said at the exact same time Piper shook her head and said, “No.” Carefully avoiding looking at Cam, she shook her head again. “I’m going to work.”
“I know,” Gavin said, still looking unsure, clearly guessing he’d caught them at a bad moment. “Jenna called, said she needed a ride and you weren’t picking up. She wanted me to make sure you weren’t . . . preoccupied, and not looking at your phone.”
“I’m on my way out right now.” Piper grabbed her sweatshirt and accidentally made eye contact with Cam. She didn’t need a rocket scientist to tell her what he was thinking, that he was irritated because she was suppressing her feelings. And he’d be right.
But that was her only defense. It was all she knew, and she wouldn’t apologize for that. She bit her lip. Okay, dammit, she would apologize. “Gavin, we need a minute.”
When her brother was gone, she looked at Cam. “I’m sorry I’m so emotionally . . . challenged. I don’t mean to be playing a game or to lead you on. The truth is, I . . . like you. A lot. And I think we both know that’s more than a little terrifying for me, which I realize makes me a risk, and I’m sure, annoying as hell.”
“You like me.” He paused. “A lot.”
A small, disbelieving laugh escaped her. “Is that all you heard?”
“No, but that was my favorite part.”
“Good.” She went up on tiptoes and brushed a kiss to his lips. “Can we work on the more part?”
His hands went to her hips and held her still as he took the kiss deeper and hotter. “Absolutely,” he said when he was done rendering her stupid.
She kept her arms around him. “Good. Please be careful. Please come back in one piece.”
“To you?”
“To me. One piece,” she reiterated.
He gave her another kiss that curled her toes, and when she got home from work twelve hours later, he was long gone.
Chapter 26
It was anyone’s guess as to which of their current mistakes had stopped by.
A few days later, Gavin worked until late afternoon and then went for a run. He went hard around the lake, until his legs were quivery and rubbery, and then sat on the rocks facing the water, watching a thunderstorm move in. A raindrop hit him and then another. He didn’t care. He knew Piper still harbored nightmares in storms like this and he hated that for her. But he wasn’t afraid of storms.
He was afraid of loss.
And now that he’d looked into CJ’s eyes and seen the same sense of loss, loss he’d caused . . . Damn. He’d thought he’d created a shield to protect himself, that he’d be bullet-proof to more pain. But the truth was, life was fucking full of pain.
Feeling sorry for himself, he walked back in the rain, showered, and then made breakfast for dinner. And since he hadn’t figured out how to make up with CJ, and Piper was still at work, it was just him and Winnie. And speaking of his pregnant sister, her little baby bump arrived before she did as she came into the kitchen. She had a toolbelt slung around her hips just below her growing tummy, walking and watching a YouTube video on how to repair drywall at the same time.
“Yum,” she said, propping her phone up on the napkin holder, the one made of popsicle sticks, which they’d been using since Winnie had made it in kindergarten for Piper. She then began to pour syrup all over the waffles.