“Thank you,” I manage. “You—you look incredible too. I don’t think I’ve seen you in a regular suit since . . .” Wait. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in a suit.
“Since never,” he replies with a smile. “You’ve only ever seen me in service khakis or whites, or dress whites.”
“That’s right.” I nod, feeling a smile play at the corners of my lips. “You always did wear the hell out of a uniform.”
I swear I see his cheeks darken.
A server in an elegant tux comes to bring us a bottle of red wine. “Compliments of Miss Knight.”
Alex and I exchange a wry smile across the table. That sister of his.
Once the wine is poured and we’ve ordered our appetizer course, Alex leans toward me. “It’s sort of mind-blowing we’re sitting here right now, isn’t it?”
I nod, toying with the stem of my wineglass. “I can honestly say I never thought it would happen again.”
“I wondered if you’d . . . moved on these past few years.”
I lift my eyes to meet his across the table. The candle flame from the small arrangement between us reflects in his eyes.
“There’s no moving on from you, Alex.”
I can’t even blame that forthrightness on the wine. It’s just the truth.
His Adam’s apple moves as he swallows hard. Then he reaches across the table and slides his fingers around mine. His thumb strokes the back of my hand. It’s so familiar, but so different. I feel like there’s been a thick wall of clear glass between us the past few years, and now, he’s just reached through it to bridge that gap between us. I’ve missed the gentle touch of his rough, calloused fingers more than I realized, because tears spring to my eyes before I can stop them.
“For what it’s worth,” he says softly, “I’ve never moved on from you either, Dev. I know I destroyed things between us in the name of saving you when I didn’t think I could save myself. But I have never, not for one second, stopped loving you. And I never will.”
I’m powerless to stop the tide of emotion from pulling me in, and vaguely, I wonder if Casey knew things might get seriously emotional between the two of us, which is why our table is so removed from the main dining space—to give us privacy.
“Then why did you let me go?” I ask through my tears, even though it’s a rhetorical question. I know why he let me go. I just don’t know why he didn’t come back.
Alex’s jaw clenches as he holds my hand between both of his. “Because I wasn’t strong enough to keep us both afloat, and I wouldn’t watch you drown, too.”
“I know you suffered overseas,” I say, not caring about the tears flooding my cheeks. “I know you did. But why didn’t you trust me to love you through it?”
His face is tormented. “I know you would have. But I wasn’t in a place where I could give it back to you the way you deserved. Please understand, Devin, it had nothing to do with you. It was all me. Me and the demons I brought home.”
I suddenly realize it sounds like I’m blaming him for his PTSD, and that makes me feel awful. I scoot my chair closer to him and cup his face between my hands.
“It wasn’t your fault,” I whisper fiercely, gazing into his heartbroken eyes. “You did your duty. Nothing you did was your fault. And when you came home and suffered, that’s not your fault, either. You deserved better, more support.”
“I . . .” He swallows hard and shakes his head. “I didn’t know what to do, but all I knew was that I could not let you suffer with me.”
I stroke my thumbs across his cheeks to brush away the single tears that fall from each of his eyes. A strange sense of calm fills me. “All that matters to me is that you’re here. On this earth. Well. Whole.”
He reaches up to cover my hands with his. “I’m here. It feels like a stretch to say I’m well, but only because it felt unattainable for so long. I am well. I’m better.” His gaze drops to my lips before returning to my eyes. “But I can’t be whole with you, Devin. I’ve been too much of a coward to intrude on your life. I caused you too much hurt to feel entitled to ask to be let back in. But you’re the missing piece, baby. It’s always been you.”
I draw a deep, shaky breath, my head spinning. “So what happens now?”
His jaw flexes again as he traces the contours of my cheekbones with the tips of his fingers, sending tingles racing all over my skin and down my spine. “We enjoy a delicious dinner my annoying little sister arranged. I feast my eyes on the most beautiful woman in the world. And we enjoy each other’s company.”
My heart pounds as his fingers skim over my skin, from my face, over my shoulder, down my arm. “And then what? What happens tomorrow? And the day after that?”
His dark eyes meet mine. “If you let me, I’ll spend every single day after tonight showing you how much you mean to me.”
5
Knight
I’m sure the meal at Cristo’s is delicious. But I can’t focus on it. I can’t focus on the wine or the beautiful ambiance of the elegant old restaurant. I can’t focus on anything but Devin Powell, a living angel, sitting so close to me. I can’t focus on anything but how deeply in love with her I am.
The depth and power of my feelings make it hard even to concentrate on what she’s saying, but I manage. It’s as if all these years, my body went into a sort of self-defense mode to keep me sane. If I felt these feelings this intensely every day since I let her go, I would be in a straitjacket by now. But now that it’s safe, now that she’s here with me, I can feel them all and be reminded of how she’s my soulmate, my perfect one.
The candlelight illuminates her beautiful face, highlighting the light sheen of gloss on her plump lips and the slight dimple in her right cheek, brightening her blue eyes as they meet mine again and again across the table. Her long, dark hair cascades to one side, revealing the elegant lines of her neck as it flows into the curve of her shoulder. The dress, with its plunging slash down the front, pushes her round breasts up, flashing hints of their curves as she shifts and moves.
She’s talking, regaling me some stories of the bar, when she pauses, her head tilting. “Are you okay, Alex?”
I smile, reaching for her hand. I can’t stop touching her. “I’ve never been better. I love hearing you talk. I’ve missed it.”
Devin tucks a lock of hair behind her ear, blushing a little. “I always thought I talked too much in that last year we were together. You were so quiet, I felt like I had to fill the silence. I’m sure my jabbering didn’t help.”
“No,” I say, holding her hand tighter. “No. I’m sorry I made you feel that way. Actually, I just loved hearing your voice, talking about your day-to-day life. It made me feel like there was a normal life somewhere in the world. That maybe I could have one someday, too.”
“You aren’t abnormal, Alex.” Devin runs her fingertips along my jaw. The sensation makes me close my eyes. “You experienced trauma. But I guess that leads me to a question I’ve been wondering for some time.”