Mom tilted her chin up and inhaled. “My husband and Jack have done nothing to deserve this behavior.” Her haughty tone made me pause. “Apparently poor Jack has spent his entire life covering up Hamilton’s mistakes.”
I absorbed her words and shook my head absentmindedly. “I don’t know. He doesn’t seem—”
“You’re so naïve, Vera.” Mom rolled her eyes, making me cringe. “Maybe I’ve done you a disservice by protecting you from the evils of the world all these years. I didn’t want you to grow up too fast. I wanted you to enjoy being a child, something I wasn’t allowed. But you can’t live in la la land anymore, baby. Hamilton is bad news. He wants to bring down our family, and he sees you as the weakest link. You don’t think he actually likes you, do you? He’s ten years older than you, and according to Joseph, he could have any woman he wants. You’re just a stepping stone.”
There was a lot of cruelty to unpack in her statement. I might not have had a difficult childhood, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t exposed to the horrors of the world. What about all the times we had to split meals off the dollar menu because we were afraid that we wouldn’t make rent? What about Child Services constantly dropping in unexpectedly to check in on us?
And as far as being wanted by Hamilton, that was already an insecurity I was dealing with. I knew in my gut that someone like him couldn’t possibly want me. And hearing it from my mother made that wound fester deep in my soul.
“Do not talk to him anymore, Vera. I’ve asked you nicely, but now I’m telling you. I’m still your mother, and my husband is the one paying for your college. Joseph doesn’t like it when we associate with his brother. I mean, gosh, he works on an oil rig. He’s going nowhere in life. Jack resents him. Why would you want to spend time with such a loser?”
“Jack invites Hamilton to dinner every week,” I replied, my voice too loud. “That doesn’t sound like a man who resents his son.”
“Jack is too soft,” Mom replied. It didn’t sound like her, though. It felt like regurgitated words she was brainwashed to repeat.
“Is there a problem here?” Joseph asked. I hadn’t even noticed him approach. Mom rolled her shoulders back and held her stomach with her hand, smiling blindingly at him.
“Not at all, honey. Vera and I were just talking about your brother. I just think it would be wise for her to stay away from him, you know?”
Joseph nodded while tugging at the lapels of his jacket. He looked bright and handsome, his green eyes glimmering under the lights of the chandelier. My stepfather was put together, his suit tailored to perfection. But all that perfection didn’t feel authentic. It felt like a mask. “Ah. Yes. Hamilton is somewhat of a problem in our family. It’s sad, really. But it’s not a conversation for right now.” Joseph eyed me, his cold gaze sending shivers through my body. “I just want you to be safe. I’m glad your mother told you. Trouble follows Hamilton wherever he goes.” I felt it in my gut, that this didn’t feel right. It felt like a politician’s lie, a tool used to make his opponent look bad. But what was Joseph’s platform? What was he fighting for? Joseph let out a shaky exhale, then forced his face into a smile.
“I never got to tell you congratulations, Joseph,” I said, changing the subject. Mom beamed, happy to be discussing how fucking wonderful her husband was. I was starting to get a Stepford wives vibe from her, and I was not liking it.
He preened. “Well, thank you. It was too good of an opportunity to pass up. I’m very excited for this new role. I hope I can do it justice. Also, good luck with school next week. I looked at your schedule. I had some of the same professors as you. Be sure to sit in the front row of Doctor Bhavsar’s class and she’ll love you forever.”
“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” Why the fuck had he been looking at my schedule? It wasn’t really his business, was it?
“Also, I used to work at the library. I can put in a good word for you. Dad mentioned you didn’t like the internship opportunity,” he continued. I pinned my lips shut, thankful that Jack didn’t tell Joseph about our argument. “It’s a great job to have. I basically got paid to study. You wouldn’t imagine the things I saw on the night shift.”
I nodded and swallowed. “That would actually be great. I’d like to work for some spending money. I appreciate the apartment and everything else, but I still want to work.”
“I knew I liked you,” Joseph said with a grin. “You’re definitely a Beauregard. You could easily have everything handed to you, and yet you want to work. It’s admirable. This country was built by men and women like us.”
His words made me feel icky. I couldn’t put a finger on it. Maybe I just didn’t like politicians.
I knew that I needed to make more of an effort with Joseph. I still had a lot of questions and concerns, but it was important that I try. I took a step forward, my arms stretched open for a congratulatory hug, but Joseph held his hand up. “Hold that thought, can you hug me over there by the flag so we can have a photo taken? It’ll look great for the press release.”
“Oh. Um. Sure,” I whispered before swallowing anxiously. This was the problem with Joseph; his life was a stage, and everyone had a role to play. Something told me that Hamilton was cast as the villain to make Joseph look better. I just couldn’t prove it—yet.
12
I smoothed my skirt and twisted my long hair into a bun. Little Mama was snoring and snoozing in her brand new, plush dog bed in the corner of my bedroom. She liked her beauty sleep early in the morning; otherwise, I would have made her go on a jog with me to work off the anxious energy in my veins. I didn’t even like running, but I had all this anxiety with nowhere to go.
Today was the first day of school.
Babysitting Little Mama was good for dulling my nerves. Hamilton ended up catching an earlier flight to work, so Jess brought her by and gave me the rundown on all Little Mama’s quirks and needs. I probably took the poor dog on five walks yesterday just so I could get the buzz out of my bones.
I couldn’t quite figure out the source of my turmoil. Was it from my mistake with Hamilton in the storage closet, or was it from the fear of not fitting in at my new university?
Something told me it was both.
Everything about Greenwich University contradicted my vision for college. It felt like a fancy prep school with elite expectations.
My morning class was Philosophy, and I kept anxiously checking my messenger bag to make sure I had all the right textbooks for the day. I loved the feel of a fresh start. I loved the idea of being somewhere new and exciting, but this was tainted with the Beauregard legacy. Joseph jokingly reminded me that everyone who was worth knowing was well-informed that a Beauregard was now attending Greenwich. He made it sound like he expected me to wear the privilege like a fine fur coat. I wanted to blend, not be held to standards I didn’t understand yet. I was still Vera Garner—not Vera Beauregard. And I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to carry the burden of his name.
I laced up my combat boots and tugged at my black skinny jeans. My white shirt was simple and crisp. I tucked it into my jeans and finished off the outfit with a Gucci belt. I tied my hair up in a bun and swiped some mascara and blush on before deciding that it didn’t matter how I looked today.