She stops drying and watches me.
“Don’t,” I say, staring back. “That’s why I don’t tell people. They always give me that look. I don’t feel sorry so why should anyone else?”
“It makes since then,” she says after a pause and then she goes back to drying the dishes.
“What?” I ask, finishing the last pot and wishing I had more. I need something to occupy my mind, especially while Lo stands so close to my side.
“You, living here. Being a part of Tempest Elite. You’re used to being on your own, but you like the idea of family.” She finishes with the plate in her hand, throws the towel on the counter, and turns to face me. “Have you ever considered having a family of your own?”
Every time I walk into the restaurant and see her serving. I’ve dreamed of Lo pregnant with my babies. My cock jerks at the thought and I know I’m getting too close. If I don’t stop, I won’t be able to hold back.
“I’m sorry,” she says and backs a step away from me. “That’s too personal a question. I shouldn't have asked.”
There’s something in the way she pulls back that sets my body on fire, like if I don’t act right the fuck now, I will lose her forever. I step forward, closing the space she left, and I cup my hand round the back of her neck. When she doesn’t protest, I let go of my last strand of restraint and I drop my mouth to hers.
Fuck me. Lo is everything I imagined she’d be and more. Her mouth softens to mine and her lips part, allowing me to roam inside her sweet mouth. When her body moves to mine, her tits press into my chest hard enough for me to feel her stuff nipples. I am a complete goner. There is no going back. There is no saving my soul. In one kiss I’ve given it all away to Lo, and I’m powerless to ever get it back.
She’s perfection. Just like I knew she would be.
Chapter 5
Lotus
I’ve told Hawk everything about me by the time we finish with the kitchen and sit down in the living area with drinks.
Once the floodgates opened, I let everything spill. He already knew about my parents, but he had no idea about the things I’d done to keep a roof over my and my mother’s heads. Which included dating older men who’d pay our rent for a night out on the town with a pretty young woman at their side.
I feel Hawk tense up when I get to the days of dating to pay the bills, and I assure him quickly nothing ever went beyond a kiss.
I’m not sure if he was trying to make me feel better by telling me about his past, or if he was trying to move on from mine. But while Hawk told me about joining foster care at five with his two brothers and being separated soon after, my heart aches for him.
“My parents chose drugs over their children,” he says as if he’s reading his story from a book. “We were better off without them.”
“Where are your brothers now?” I ask before realizing that if he’d wanted to share, he already would have. I inwardly cringe and wait for his answer.
“One is dead, or so I’ve been told. The other, no one knows. His records were lost when they moved to a computer-based system.”
“And your parents?”
“Once I was old enough to realize they’d lost us to child welfare, I never gave them another thought.”
By the sourness on his face, I don’t believe him. It’s clear he’s given them a lot of thought over the years, and I’m willing to bet most of his hardness comes from the constant battle of pushing them away.
“I’d like to not think about my mother anymore,” I say, leaning my head back on the couch. “Since my father died, it’s been me against the world to protect her.”
Hawk shifts so his thigh rubs mine. He leans over me and takes my cheek in his calloused hand. “It should have been you both against the world. She failed you, Lo. But I won’t.”
I’m stunned into not being able to move for several seconds. Hawk does that to me. He’s so hard and closed off, then he swoops in with these soft declarations that make me want to believe he could feel the same about me as I do him. And it pisses me the hell off. How am I supposed to be around him nonstop for three days and fight my attraction if he’s going to throw out those affections?
“Ugh.” I drop my hand over my face and close my eyes. “Hawk. You have to stop doing that.”
He sits up straight again. His voice turns hard again. “Stop what?”
I’m up from the couch. I can’t sit next to him and feel the way I feel without touching him. “This. All of this.” I wave my hands around. “Hawk. If you don’t know how I feel about you by now, then you’re either blind or stupid. Bringing me here, knowing we will never be anything…” I choke on my next words, but I must get them out. “You’re not being fair.”
Hawk stands and hovers over me. “Lo.” He reaches for my cheek, but I pull away.
“I know about you and Camila,” I shout out. I mean for it to hurt him, but he only looks shocked.
He laughs, though it’s not a humorous sound. “You know about me and Camila what? She works for me, Lo. That’s all.”
He steps closer and I retreat behind the couch. I’m in pain—terrible pain—and he’s making me face it in front of him. I want to cry. I need to drop my walls and let the feelings all rush over me at once, but I don’t. I stand my ground just as life taught me to, and I face him.
“You and Camila were together the other night. She was upset and you took her to your office. Why do you think we’re all thinking about you two?”
“Christ, Lo.” He’s seething at me. His eyes are narrow and his mouth so tight I’m surprised he can make any noise at all. “It’s not what you think at all. Camila is dating a Devil. I called her back to my office to tell her what will happen once he becomes a patched member.”
He steps closet to me again, but I’m not ready to trust him. I lean back so I’m just out of his reach.
“I’ve kept Camila on at the restaurant to keep an eye on her, but once she becomes an official ol’lady to a patched Devils member, she can’t stay. I needed her to understand exactly what that meant. I wouldn’t be able to keep her on at the restaurant, but nothing more than that.” He pauses and steps around the couch. He has me backed between him and the living area wall. “I needed her to know my restaurant and the people in it mean too much to me to allow my place to become a Devils’ hangout. I told her she’d have to go because I couldn’t afford to lose you, Lo. You’re the only person I have any care for protecting.”
My body is frozen in place. I shake my head, disbelieving what I’m hearing. “You avoid me. You go out of your way to not have to talk to me.” I twist to my side and out of my spot pinned between him and the wall, fully aware that if he’d wanted to hold me there, he could have. “Hawk, I don’t understand. One minute you’re cold as ice to me and the next you’re saying things like I’m the only person you care to protect. You’re confusing the hell out of me and being a real asshole.”
I don’t have a chance to step further away before he has me up against the wall. This time my wrists are wedged in his hands, not tightly but enough to restrict my movement. His knee presses into my core so I can’t move and his large body hovers over mine until I’m scared breathing might make us touch.