“Who in the ever-loving hell is Max Stone, and why do you have his email on your phone?”
CHAPTER 22
Luke
Doesn’t everyone say your lies will find you out? Well, they’re exactly right.
I didn’t ever think Feeney would look into my email. I just didn’t think. Maybe this was my subconscious trying to tell me to do the right thing.
Feeney already looks betrayed. Her face is contorted with anger but also with confusion. The hurt is just starting to settle in, and I hate that. I hate this. I hate that I lied to her, and now she needs to know the truth. I hate that I promised her I wouldn’t hurt her, but I did. I hate that I was going to tell her, but I just couldn’t figure out how because I didn’t plan on there being any complications with the hastily devised plan. Once it was thought out, I couldn’t take it back. No, no, I could have. I could have, and I wanted to. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her each and every night she was in my bed, wrapped in my arms, and I came close more than once, but I just couldn’t.
And now she has to find out like this.
With rage, betrayal, and all the negative emotions that aren’t going to let her give me a chance to explain.
Her foot taps, the muscles in her forearms flex, and her jaw ticks—she’s waiting. She’s waiting, and I’m just sitting here like an idiot, still trying to find the words I don’t have.
“I…Feeney, it was real. All of it. Every moment for me. I didn’t plan that. I didn’t…I didn’t ever use you, and I never wanted to trick you. I just wanted you to get to know me, and then I thought I could explain. I thought we really could come to an agreement, and I thought I was safe. That there was no way we could ever care about each other because I was too far gone, and you were…I didn’t know what you were, but I doubted you’d ever…god.” I reach up and swipe my hand roughly over my face, dragging down my eyelids and burning my fingers over the stubble until the contact makes a sound that might as well be like a clap of thunder between us.
“What are you talking about?” She gapes at me, and her eyes are wide with horror. She already knows, but she hasn’t accepted it yet.
“I’m Maxwell Stone. I didn’t just use a different name for you. I mean, I did, but I do it everywhere. I use it to protect me and keep me anonymous. It was Britt’s idea after the publishing house blew up. Things took off, and suddenly, I was all over the place. My name was everywhere. She was pregnant with Shade at the time, and she didn’t want us raising our child like that, being always in the media. She wanted a regular house, a regular life, and our privacy. She was happy for me, but she wanted that piece no one else should ever have, and I agreed. I mean, not officially on documents, but when I had to sign those, it was kept quiet because breaches of privacy are a serious thing people can be sued for.”
“I know where I’ve heard that name before,” Feeney gasps out. “A few years ago. My father was ranting about some upstart publisher and publishing house that was stealing business. This kid wasn’t even thirty, and yet he stormed into the industry as if he owned it, giving everyone else a run for their money and publishing bestsellers left and right. My father hated it, and he never really hates anything.”
“Yes. Yes, he did hate it. He hated me, and we were never friends. And then, out of nowhere, he came to me a few months ago with an idea—a blending of our businesses. A powerhouse that would crush all competitors and make enough money so I wouldn’t ever have to step foot out of the door again. I wanted a gesture of goodwill, and he knew about Brittany. Everyone did. He’d heard from someone that I was going through a string of nannies. He was worried about you because he’d seen how those guys you dated used you and hurt you terribly. He didn’t think you’d ever find someone and be happy because of who you were, and he felt so guilty for it. He thought he’d ruined your life before you even got a chance to live it, so he wanted to know if I would be open to an arrangement. We’d meet and see if we liked each other. Shade needed someone there for him, which is something I want for him like you can’t even imagine. I was only thinking about him, so I agreed. It wasn’t a marriage. I don’t know why your parents said that. It was just…we were supposed to see how we got along and if we could come to an agreement to maybe make things work. Maybe, in time, we’d come to like each other, and maybe one day, we’d even be able to stand each other enough to make it official. I never thought…really, truly, I just wanted someone there for Shade. I wanted to talk to you and explain how I felt. I thought maybe if you knew you’d be looked after and have someone care about you, if not love you, and also maybe if you met Shade…”
Feeney’s eyes are huge, so large that they look like they’ve been drawn on by a makeup artist. It’s like those aren’t even her real eyes at all, except they are. They’re not only wide, but they’re also burning with fury and shock. “Are you insane? How could you just…just…I’m a human being! I’m a person with feelings!”
“I know that.”
“Except you didn’t even stop to think about it. No. You thought I was just some spoiled rich girl with rich girl problems. You might have wanted a type of pseudo mom for Shade, but you didn’t give a shit about me. I don’t know what agreement you thought I could possibly come to with you…”
“I know. It’s fucked up. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t in a good headspace. I was just totally shut down and out of it. I don’t know. I…god. Your father made it sound like it could work.”
“Don’t put this on him! How can you think two people can just have an agreement to live in the same house and act like they’re together when they don’t even really like each other? How could you think that after you were married before?! Do you think that’s what would make a good marriage?”
“I didn’t really think that—”
“No. You didn’t think.”
“I didn’t,” I freely confess, trying to diffuse her anger and get her to listen, but I can tell I’m just making things worse. “I didn’t think. I…I don’t know. I didn’t see it ending in marriage. I don’t know what I thought, and anyway, it was a terrible idea. It was just about your parents trying to protect you, and also about Shade. I’d do anything for him. You know that.”
“So, you would have used me and excused it because he’s a good kid, and he needs someone? What the actual fuck, Luke? Luke. Pfft, no. That’s not even your name. Your name is some rich person's name. Maxwell. I don’t blame you for changing it because it’s a dumb sounding name. You must be…you must…” Feeney’s hand flies to her forehead. “Oh my god. You’re rich too. You have tons of money, don’t you? You…this house, this suburb…it’s all just a cover—”
“Not a cover. I didn’t want to live that life. I didn’t—”
“It does matter! You’re…you’re lying! You’ve been lying to me this whole time! What am I even doing here? No! My parents! My parents called you after I left the house, and then they called Sam too. They must have! You had all of this arranged. I thought I was going to a safe place, and I thought my best friend was calling in a favor, that I was working and doing something I could be proud of, supporting myself. And then…and then us! I thought you cared! You…how could you sleep with me? Just as what? A trial period to see if you could stand it before you told me? As a way to get me hooked? As a way to keep me with you? Oh my fucking god, were you trying to really keep me with you?”