Prologue
Twelve years ago.
Ivory
I smiled up at Matteo, watching the way his eyes lit up with amusement as I giggled at him. He'd teased me, tormented me about the shyness I still felt when he touched me, although I'd given him my virginity a week prior. There was no way I could feel anything but shy, not with the way his stare had taken on a new brand of heat.
There hadn't been a repeat performance, even though I'd desperately wanted one. We didn't have a place to go, not without ruining my reputation, and Matteo maintained that I was too sweet for a backseat romp in his car.
I begged to differ, at least after what he'd shown me sex was like.
The humor in his eyes fled suddenly, disappearing to a cold mask I didn't enjoy seeing on his face when he stared over my shoulder. It wasn't unusual. That distant expression of his was what everyone else saw of Matteo Bellandi. When I turned his face back to mine and caught his eyes with my own, the smile slid from my face, slowly morphing to apprehension.
He stared down at me with the same cruel expression.
The one that he never used for me.
"We should talk, Ivory." Even his tone had gone cold. No life to it, his humor of only a moment ago a thing of the past.
I just didn't realize it would be the last time I felt like I mattered - like I was special.
Ivory.
Not his Angel.
But Ivory.
I flinched back, my hand leaving the smooth skin of his jaw as I stared up at him in confusion. I couldn't think of what I might have done to warrant such a change in behavior.
"What's wrong?" I whispered.
"Graduation is in a few days. It's time for us to go our separate ways." I would have sworn I knew Matteo - would have sworn I knew the boy I loved with every fiber of my being enough to recognize the tick in his jaw. The frustration eating at his face, even beneath the impenetrable coldness that he emanated.
I was wrong.
"Wh-what?" I stuttered, flinching when his arms released my waist and he stepped back to a more polite distance. I eyed the other students, hating that they were watching me have my heart ripped out. He blindsided me and judging by the whispers breaking out among the teens lingering on the front lawn of the school, I wasn't the only one.
"Come on, Ivory. You didn't really think I would go off to college in the fall with a High School girlfriend tying me down, did you?" He ran a hand through his hair, tossing a flirty smile over my shoulder at some unknown person behind me. He hadn't even finished dumping me, and he was already flirting.
"Why? Why did you-why did you fuck me if you were just going to dump me?" I hissed, steeling myself and trying to control the tears that threatened to make an appearance. No matter how shattered I felt, I couldn't let him see it.
"Have you looked in a mirror?" He smirked at me, as if taking my virginity and dumping me within a week was acceptable. "You're a hot piece of ass, baby. Getting in your pants was kind of the point of the entire year I spent getting you there. Now I've had it." He shrugged, and I winced.
I didn't know this boy.
I didn't know him at all.
"You don't mean that," I pleaded, my voice a hoarse whisper as I started to lose the battle with my own emotions. "You can't mean that," I repeated.
"Sweet, naïve Ivory. What world do you live in, so stuck up in that pretty little head of yours? The lion doesn't love the lamb, Ivory. Especially not just one of them when there’s an entire field begging to be eaten." He shook his head at me, pressing a thumb to my quivering lips, the lips he claimed to love so much. "You weren't bad...for a virgin." A startled sob broke free. "See you around, Ivory. Hey, Shauna! Wait up!" he called, jogging around my frozen body.
Shauna.
The girl he'd been screwing before he started dating me. The one who had spent an entire year tormenting me that he’d finish with me soon enough, and he always went back to her.
I stood frozen, only snapping out of my trance when Sadie appeared at my side. "Hey, sweetie. Let's get you out of here, yeah?" she asked, and I think I nodded. Tears streamed down my face, but I couldn't understand why.
I wasn't sad.
I didn't feel anything.
Deep down, I knew that wasn't normal. I shouldn't be numb.
It was only high school, only my first love. There would be others, I tried to remind myself.
But even then, I knew no one would ever make me feel the way Matteo did.
I turned to leave, but Duke invaded my other side, ushering me off the lawn and away from the direction Matteo had gone. It didn't stop me from seeing him, his arm wrapped around Shauna with one hand tucked into the ass pocket of her jeans.
Still there was nothing but a vibration in my ears, as disbelief coursed through me.
I loved him.
And I'd been nothing all along. Nothing but another notch on his bedpost.
Sadie murmured to me, letting Duke tuck me into his side as they led me to his car in the parking lot. Sadie climbed into the back seat, leaving me to be the passenger. Duke drove with a hand resting on my knee, making circles with his thumb that should have been comforting.
It wasn't until we got to my house and they guided me to my bed that I broke down in sobs.
The bed he'd made love to me on.
Well, apparently the bed he'd fucked me on.
"Shh, it's okay sweetheart," Duke soothed, wrapping his arms around me and tucking me into his chest. "You’re going to be just fine."
"I love him," I whined.
His body stilled, before he ran a hand through my hair. "I know, honey. I know you do. He's such an idiot." I vaguely knew of Sadie's sniffles behind me, where she ran a hand up and down my back supportively.
"I can never go back to school," I protested, realizing everyone had seen my very public humiliation.
"You will march your ass into that school tomorrow with your head held high and pretend you do not give the first fuck about him.” I nodded in response, but we both knew it was bullshit. I wasn't Sadie. I wasn't strong enough to pretend something like that.
We lapsed into silence, my heart hardening with every tear that fell.
I would never be heartbroken again.
No man was worth this.
One
Ivory
With the tenderloin smeared in dijon mustard and wrapped in duxelle covered prosciutto cooling in the fridge, I set to laying out my puff pastry in preparation. I rolled it, needing that perfect quarter of an inch thickness so I wouldn't overcook my beef while I waited for the pastry to bake to golden perfection.
"You're insane, you know, that right?" Sadie asked.
"And why am I insane today, my darling?" I teased her, thanking the sweet baking gods that her sense of humor had never changed.
"Why are you making a Beef Wellington again? Your food isn't usually so pretentious, even with that fancy culinary degree of yours that didn't see much use." She raised her brows at me, as if daring me to contradict her.
I used my degree.
Just not in a restaurant or catering business.
"I'm doing a new series. Kind of a food bucket list, I guess. I'm torn between calling it Food to Eat Before you Kick It or Famous Last Meals. I had readers submit the best foods they've ever eaten and made my own recipes from what they submitted." I trimmed the edges of my pastry to what I knew I would need to wrap up my beef.