“What could you possibly know about how I feel?” Suspicion was venom on her tongue.
“I used to think my mom loved me. I did anything for her, because she was my mother, and I was certain she would do anything for me. I did…” I took a breath.
Lottie’s brow furrowed.
“I did horrible things because she asked.”
Her eyes found mine, uncertain, untrustworthy. “What could you have possibly done?’
“I lied. I ruined lives. We blackmailed the men she conned into loving her, so she would have money for her vice of the month.”
Lottie didn’t look at me with disgust, but eager eyes. “How did you fix it? All those lives you ruined?”
“You can’t take back what you’ve done, you can only try every day not to become her.”
“It’s not just me this will ruin, it’s my entire family. They didn’t even think to ask when they put everything on me because…why would they? Lottie does everything she’s asked. But then I did what Lottie never does. I made a mistake. I broke the rules. I did something for me. And I ruined everything.”
I knew I would never get this moment ever again. So I stole it. But I stole it for me. No one else.
I sat beside Lottie as my first night with Grayson came rushing back. That girl I once was, a thief stealing moments that didn’t belong to her, because she didn’t have the courage to demand a moment of her own.
I thought I’d ruined everything, too.
“Did you ruin everything?” I asked.
She glanced at me.
“I mean, maybe it needs to be ruined. Broken. Maybe it shouldn’t be fixed.”
Her gaze traveled back to the dress. “I want this to be over, I want this nightmare to end. I don’t want to become my mother. I know what I need to do, but I can’t do it. I’m so afraid.”
I looked at the dress, casting a gaunt shadow along the hardwood. I didn’t have any idea what Lottie was going through, what secret had bound itself across her chest. But I knew the feeling.
The fear.
“Stop looking at their shadows.”
Forty-Eight
STORY
I stayed up all night waiting for West to come to bed, but he never did. Now it was the morning of the long-awaited baby shower and my gaze kept slipping in the mirror, over my shoulder to the double doors. I think I’d worked my bottom lip raw with nerves, waiting for them to open, my heart on fire with simultaneous anxiety and excitement.
Today could be the day Grayson and I were both free.
My girl had come to ready me and was fastening the diamond pendant at my neck, when the doors finally creaked. I jumped off the vanity stool, and my girl let out a startled yelp as the necklace fell from my neck.
She dropped to the floor to grab the diamonds, and I spun to see West. He leaned in the doorway, his head lolling to the side.
My heart pounded painfully against my chest as I waited for him to speak. This was the first time I actually wanted to see West, that I wanted him to speak first, and he was silent.
As the seconds dragged on in silence, I finally spoke first. “You didn’t come to bed last night.”
“Do you fucking care?” he growled.
I chewed my bottom lip. “Yes.”
His eyes narrowed.
West seemed off. Unhinged. He was always so perfectly put together, his bow tie even, his suits tailored, his smirk perpetual.
Now the bow tie hung off his neck, his suit was wrinkled, the jacket lay somewhere I couldn’t see. He only wore a dress shirt, rolled up on one sleeve.
I stared at the phone in West’s hand.
Songbird.
So close to our happily ever after.
I let out a shaky breath, trying to rid myself of nerves, and closed the distance between us. The cloudy blue fabric of my Grecian empire dress trailed as air across the hardwood.
“I wanted to tell you something last night, but you weren’t here. I…” I worked my bottom lip harder between my teeth. “I choose you. I’m finally choosing you, West.”
He eyed me suspiciously, then gripped my waist viciously, dragging me flush against his body. The smell of alcohol came off him in burning waves.
“My songbird, do you think I’m a fucking idiot?” His head fell between my neck and shoulder. “You’ll never choose me.”
He lolled from side to side, and I gripped the doorframe to keep us both steady.
“I do,” I said. “I choose you. It’s always been you.”
He lifted his head, searching my eyes. For a moment, his softened and I saw the walls crack.
Then he shoved me off him with such force, if my girl hadn’t caught me, I think I would have fallen.
She held my elbows, helping me to stand up. I felt her presence linger at my back, oddly comforting, as West closed the distance between us.
He eyed me from down his nose, his sharp jaw a shadow.
“I could lock you in this tower for decades and you still wouldn’t choose me.”
He was right about that. It took him months, but at least he finally fucking figured that out. And still, I don’t think he’d let me go.
I think West would rather me trapped and miserable, but his, than free. Wasn’t that the difference? Grayson Crowne would rather me safe and happy, even if it meant not with him, as long as I was free.
“Then what’s the point of all this, West? If you won’t even let me choose you?”
A vicious shadow fell across his face. “So then, you won’t give a shit if you tell me all this downstairs, in front of that boy you’ve spent months pining over?”
I schooled my features, fighting back the hard swallow. “Of course not.”
He laughed. “Because if you really wanted me, you would do this in front of your prince.”
I placed my palm on his chiseled cheek. “You are my prince.”
He placed his palm over mine, enveloping my entire hand. The pounding in my chest grew with his inscrutable glare. He slowly pulled my hand from his cheek, keeping our hands locked tightly together.
A cruel, cold smile twisted his soft rose lips. “We’ll see about that, Angel.”
He dropped me, leaving me to finish getting ready as he slammed the doors behind him. A dreadful knot tightened in my gut, and I stared at the double doors until my girl snapped me out of it.
“Miss?” She called to my back, and I turned to her.
She held up two variations of shoes, one silver and the other blue. Both looked fucking uncomfortable.
I chose silver.
In this fairy tale, we all started with the wrong people. And in order to correct that, I’d have to choose the wrong prince for a little while longer.
I had to fight for West. I had to fall for West. I had to bleed for West.
So I could have my real happily ever after.
Forty-Nine
GRAY
The morning of the baby shower, I knocked on Lottie’s door, pushing it open when she didn’t answer.
Something had felt off for a few months now, and some of that came from my relationship with Lottie. I’d been trying to ignore it, but that only made it worse.
If I wanted to be different—better—then like Snitch had said, I had to be better.