I was so close to losing that last bit of hold I had over myself. My eyes were welling up, and I knew the second I blinked, they’d spill over. And I still couldn’t breathe right. The air wouldn’t come, and then it’d come too fast, too much. “It’s not just you. I’m not him either.”
Jeremy considered me for a moment, staring hard, seeing everything, so much more than I’d ever given him credit for. Then he snorted. “I’m the older brother—the oldest brother now. I’m supposed to keep you in line and have your back. I’m supposed to be the one you can come talk to when stuff gets messed up.”
“And I’m supposed to talk you down, have your back. I’m supposed to be someone you can talk to, too.”
“Yeah.” Jeremy scoffed and he pulled off the near laugh far better than I had. “Except you’re an arrogant little punk most of the time.”
A sound came out of me, more a surprised exhale than anything, but the sound that followed on its heels lifted my mouth on one side. I glanced sideways at him. “And you’re a short-tempered idiot.”
He laughed. So did I. True laughter. Some of the tightness loosened in my chest.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m not ever gonna be him, but I’ll try to be better than I’ve been.”
“Yeah?” He lifted an eyebrow. “’Cause you sucked a lot this past year.”
I made sure Jeremy saw me rotate my jaw in annoyance and he cracked a smile.
“I guess I have to. You’ve been a little better here lately. I don’t want you to think I don’t see that, but that crap last night?” He shook his head. “Greg would have torn you a new one, too.”
Remembering why last night had happened, my jaw stayed tight. “No, Greg would have gone with me to kick someone’s ass.”
Jeremy frowned. “Who, Dad?”
“You think I’d have risked ruining everything good that’s happening with all of us to start something with Dad? That Jolene would let me if I tried?”
His frown started to smooth and then drew sharply back together as he turned his head to the wall that divided our apartment from Jolene’s. “She said something happened...” His face was perfectly smooth, almost scarily so, when he turned back to me. “To her? Somebody... Do you know?”
My hands clenched into fists. “Yeah, I know.”
He nodded. In less than a heartbeat, he was on his feet, cracking his neck from side to side. “Well, all right.”
My gaze followed him up. “What, just like that? You’re not gonna ask...?”
He extended a hand to me. “Do I need to?”
The last bit of pressure in my chest left as I realized he didn’t. I needed him to have my back and he had it, no questions asked. Because he was my brother. Not the one I lost, the one he could never replace for me any more than I could for him, but the one I still had. He didn’t need to be Greg. I didn’t need to be Greg. It only took us two years to understand that sometimes, more than sometimes, it was that simple.
I drew in a deep breath and took my brother’s hand.
He only raised an eyebrow at me when I walked out into the hall and stopped in front of Guy’s apartment.
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
My one-word answer was good enough for Jeremy. Together we pounded the door until it opened.
Guy’s look of confusion lifted when he passed over Jeremy and saw me. Something of my intent must have been clear on my face, because Guy held both his palms up toward us.
“Oh, hey, Adam, right? Listen, I don’t know what Jolene told you, but she’s a little messed up and—”
I cut him off with my fist. I didn’t have the mass that my brother did, but Guy hadn’t been expecting me to deck him, and he staggered back. I didn’t advance, but Jeremy did. He landed a solid gut punch and Guy went down to one knee. I didn’t hesitate before kicking him in the nuts so hard that Guy nearly threw up.
I’d thought we’d beat him to a pulp, but now that I was standing over him while he whimpered on the floor, the urge left. Instead I went down next to him and lowered my voice so that my brother wouldn’t hear. “Stay away from Jolene. Don’t ever touch another girl, you sick piece of rat filth. And you need to find another place to live.” I stood up and walked to his massive shelf of movies. As soon as Jeremy saw what I intended to do, he went to the other side. Together, we knocked it onto the floor with a crash.
Guy was still gasping and trying to catch his breath when we left.
“You good?” Jeremy asked in the hallway.
“Yeah,” I said. “And thanks.”
Jeremy glanced back at Guy’s apartment. “You sure we hit him hard enough?”
I shook out my hand, trying to bring the feeling back. “I don’t think hard enough exists.”
FOURTEENTH WEEKEND
March 26–28
Jolene
Adam was wearing a sleeping bag the next time I saw him, like, literally wearing it. Winter had finally started to admit defeat, but it was still more than cold outside.
“That’s a good look,” I told him as we stood on our respective balconies. It had been the longest two weeks I could ever remember.
“How are you?” he asked.
I wished he hadn’t. I didn’t want to talk about it and had been racked with regret ever since I told him. Knowing that Adam knew made everything with Guy feel more real.
“I’m fine. Do you have any idea how boring these last two weeks have been?”
“I missed you, too,” Adam said. Sometimes Adam’s bald statements made me uncomfortable. I could never come right out and tell him I missed him like that.
“Are you still persona non grata with your family?”
“Ah, no, not exactly. Jeremy and I are actually good. Better than we’ve been since my parents split. I think he may have said something to my dad, too, because he and my mom decided I’m only going to be grounded for the month. Next time I’m here, we won’t have to freeze to death to talk.”
“Really? Your brother went to bat for you?”
“And he said I can get a onetime use of his phone, so if something important comes up, we can talk. He’ll text you from his phone so you have the number.”
“It’s disgusting how much people like you. When I last saw Jeremy, he was practically making the sign of the cross at me. How do you do it, and can you teach me?” I had to lean farther out to catch Adam’s smile. His expression shifted into something else, like when you see the sunrise.