“I’m sure we’ll have them sometime.” Fake smile.
I recognized it because I invented it.
Equal parts fright and elation filled my chest. That was a yes. Even fake answers held a spark of truth. What I saw inside earlier, the two of them interacting with Franz and Anya, was real. At least, it felt real. Lila would be a great mom, and Graham would pull his head out of his ass and be a great dad. The thing with Graham was his competitive spirit wouldn’t allow for anything less than greatness. I knew he’d feel the need to be as great of a dad as Ronin and far superior to his own father.
My nose wrinkled. “I know this sounds terrible, but I needed to hear you say that. I needed to know things would be okay between you and Graham. It’s your life, but I’ve never been able to fully separate your lives from mine, and when you’re not doing well, I’m not doing well. Not in the sense of Ronin feeling you, but just because I still feel responsible for the success or failure of your relationship.”
“I’m glad.” Lila tipped her head back in the beach chair. “I feel responsible for your happiness too.”
Ouch …
That felt wrong. A gut punch of reality. Was that how it sounded when I said it to her?
“Wow …” I exhaled a breath of reality. “That’s not good. How did I not see it until you said it back to me? Being responsible for someone else’s happiness is a lot of pressure.”
Lila rolled her head to the side. I couldn’t see her eyes behind her glasses, but I imagined them filled with deep thoughts. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“For what?”
“For finally seeing that.” She straightened her head again.
Ouch … just … ouch …
A few minutes later, the rest of the paddle boarding crew trudged up the beach with their boards in tow.
“Mommy! Mommy! That was so much fun!” Franz tried to run toward me, getting tripped up in the sand.
“That’s great, babe. I knew you’d like it.”
“Where’s my hat?” He stabbed his little hand into the bag, coming up empty.
“Did you leave it on the counter?” I frowned at him, knowing that was exactly where he left it.
“I’ll run and get it.” Ronin slipped his feet into his flip-flops.
“I’ll go with you.” Lila stood. “I need to use the restroom.”
They took one of the two golf carts parked at the end of the path that connected the house to the beach. Franz plopped down in the sand, sorting through the beach toys.
“Will you put more sunscreen on my back, Franz? I think I’m burning.” To leave plenty of room in the shade for Anya to play, I sat halfway in the sun, my back taking the brunt of its rays.
“Okay,” he mumbled as I slid the lotion from the side pocket of the bag.
“I’ve got it.” Graham plucked it from my hand and dropped to his knees in the sand behind me.
“I see people with serious zoom lenses on their cameras, just over the hill. I don’t think you should lay a hand on me. It won’t look good in the tabloids tomorrow.” And … I didn’t want him spreading lotion on my back. Not since he’d made it clear that making me uncomfortable was his favorite game.
“It’s a well-known fact that you’re my best friend. The kids are right here. Our spouses were just here too. I’m not worried about the tabloids.”
That was bullshit and he knew it. The photos wouldn’t have the kids in them, and the gossip articles wouldn’t mention Lila’s and Ronin’s presence either.
I stiffened when his hands, slathered with lotion, moved along my back. “It doesn’t have to be a lot, just get some on my shoulders really quick and that will be good,” I squeaked before clearing the trembling frog from my throat.
“It won’t. Your whole back is pink.” He made the slowest fucking strokes along my back. Thoroughly covering every inch of it.
Slipping his hand under the straps to my top, then sliding lower until his fingertips just barely breached the inside of my bikini bottoms. Every move so very slow as I held my breath and smiled at my kids. Smiled for the cameras.
“Graham!” I seethed as his hands slid around to my abdomen. “I can reach that area just fine.” My hands covered his hands to stop his motion.
“Sorry, I just had some extra lotion on my hands.” He chuckled, climbing to his feet and brushing off his knees before claiming Lila’s chair and tossing his hat over the front of his board shorts.
He had an erection. I didn’t see it, and thank god, I didn’t have to feel it that time, but I knew it. And I hated it.
CHAPTER TEN
Ronin
“I’m not going to say anything to Evie … yet.” I broke the silence after a wordless ride to the house.
Lila opened the front door and glanced over her shoulder, giving me a slow inspection followed by a single nod. “Thank you.”
“Some people live a long time with leukemia if treated promptly and managed properly.”
“True,” she slipped off her sandals and padded toward her bedroom.
I kicked off my flip-flops and headed to the kitchen to find Franz’s hat.
“Hello.” A brunette, maybe in her fifties, glanced over her shoulder as she poured some sort of batter into a pan.
“Hi. I’m Ronin.” I grabbed Franz’s hat.
“I’m Margo. It’s nice to meet you. Are you enjoying your stay in the Hamptons?”
“Yes. So far it’s been good.”
“Can I get you anything?”
I smiled. If I needed something, I’d get it myself. They lived a much different life than I had ever experienced. It wasn’t that my family was ever poor. My parents did well, but there was a huge difference between “well” and the top one percent.
“I’m good but thank you.” I headed back to the foyer to wait for Lila.
I waited.
And waited.
Concerned, I ventured toward her bedroom, tapping the door several times. “Lila?”
She opened the door. Again, she gave my whole body a long inspection. So much sadness resided in her eyes. Nothing like the Lila I met in Vancouver. “Right now, can you feel me?”
“I don’t know. Some days it’s hard to separate my own feelings, my own aches and pains, from yours. I attribute the inexplicable to you.”
“So you feel what I physically feel?”
Twisting my lips, I thought about the right answer. I wasn’t sure I possessed it. “Well, I thought my connection to you was purely physical but now I think it’s more than that.”
“More how? You know what I’m thinking?”
I chuckled. “I can’t read your mind, if that’s what you’re asking. It’s still just a feeling, but I think it’s emotional. So if you’re depressed right now, then yes, I feel you. I think I feel you when you’re so …” I shook my head. I didn’t need to go there. This part of me felt a strong need to crawl into her head to know how much of her I really felt.
“When I’m so what?” Her head canted to the side.
“Nothing.”