Nick drove me home. Having Nick be my personal chauffeur had been an easy concession to make. After the incident with the reporter, I would have made myself crazy watching my rearview mirror for trailing cars if I’d been the one to drive.
I chewed on Gemma’s confession all the way home and was disappointed when I entered my house to find it empty. I wanted to talk to Sean about what had happened. He would let me scream and be mad and then he would make me feel better.
I walked out the back door, crossing our lawn so that I could knock on his back door, but as I passed his bedroom window I stopped.
“—a great opportunity, Randy, but I can’t do it. Not right now.”
Randy’s voice reached me as well. He was on speaker phone. “Right now is the only time it’s happening, Sean. This benefit concert is the perfect venue for you to come back into the public light and show people you’re still relevant.” I winced at the implication from where I stood leaning against the wall beside his window.
“Still relevant?” Sean’s tone was unconcerned. “I think I’m plenty relevant, thank you very much.”
“Sean, you gotta do this. The longer you’re not performing, the more people are going to move on.”
“Sorry, bud. Not this time.”
“It’s one week. You commit to one week.” Randy made it sound like no big deal. “Are you telling me you can’t even do that?”
“I really am.” Sean’s lack of concern was impressive.
“This is a mistake of career-breaking proportions.”
“I disagree. Thank them for the invite and give them my regrets. Bye, Randy.”
I stayed put, fully prepared to confess to my eavesdropping once he came out. But instead of heading over to my place like I assumed he would, I heard him turn on his shower. Randy must have called as Sean was finishing his workout.
I turned and went back inside my house, pulling out a can of nuts so that I could snack on them as I mulled over what I’d just heard. Sean had turned down a benefit concert. On the one hand, it had been nice to hear him so confidently turn it down, with no regret in his tone. But on the other hand, I was pretty sure he should have taken the gig. It wasn’t a huge tour for months on end. It wasn’t even a solo concert where it would be nothing but him and his screaming fans. A benefit concert with multiple artists would be much more low key. And it would be good for his image. Especially since people thought he and I were having a secret love child.
Or maybe it would just give the hyenas more fodder.
As I settled into the couch, my phone rang. The name “Randy” flashing across the screen made my stomach drop. I’d added his contact information back to my phone when Sean had flown to New York to allow some “accidental” photos to be taken. “Hello?”
“Libby!” He sounded excited or relieved, I wasn’t sure which. “Thank you for picking up. We need to talk about Sean.”
“Okay…”
“The record label is getting nervous, and I mean really nervous. They’re talking about dropping him.”
“How can that possibly be? His album sales are ridiculously high.”
“Sure, sales have been great, when he’s been working. When he’s made appearances and reached out to fans and all that other stuff. But he hasn’t. It’s one thing to stop touring. We could deal with that. But giving his fans the silent treatment?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure he’ll be forgiven the moment he decides to come back.”
“And when will that be?”
“I…don’t know.”
“Before the baby is born?”
It was a punch to the gut, having him throw my baby into the equation. My mouth just gaped.
“After it’s born? After the two of you get married? When is it going to be time for him to go back to work, Libby?”
“He is working! He’s writing every day.” My vehement defense of Sean surprised me.
“You know just writing the songs isn’t enough.” His tone was condescending and I was tempted to hang up. “It’s not just the record label. It’s him. He needs this, Libby. He thrives on it. He loves what he does. Especially now that he isn’t touring, now that he’s had time and space. He comes alive when he meets the fans. The few concerts he’s done have energized him instead of wiping him out. This is his passion and he needs to get back to it.”
I couldn’t respond, because I was fairly certain he was right.
“Just, think about it. And when you realize I’m right, you have to convince him to do the concert. I need a solid commitment in seventy-two hours or he misses his slot. He’ll listen to you.” He paused, probably waiting for a response, but I had nothing to say. “It was good talking to you, Libby. Congrats on the baby.”
And he hung up.
It was good talking to me? Congrats on the baby? Were his platitudes meant to make up for the fact that he was trying to steam roll me and Sean?
I resented his heavy-handed efforts. Yet his words kept tumbling through my head, circling and circling, and each circuit seemed to make them more true.
Sean had to go back to his public life at some point. If not now, then when?
I didn’t want him to go, but it wasn’t just because he was a great friend who took care of me. I didn’t want him to go because…because I wanted him to always stay. I was falling for him—maybe I already had. And if I was going to do this—if I was going to let myself fall for Sean Amity—I had to do it with my eyes wide open. I had to do it knowing that he would choose to come back to me as many times as I would choose him. I was terrified to let him go back to that life. But I would never get over that fear if I never let him go.
I hated that Randy was right.
♪♫♪
I was chewing my thumb when Sean walked in a few minutes later.
“Hey, Libs.”
“Hey, um…can you come talk to me?”
He looked to the clean kitchen in confusion. “Did you already eat?”
I shook my head.
“Aren’t you hungry?” he asked with a smile, knowing that I was always starving when I came home from work.
“I had some nuts, but I won’t be able to eat more until we talk about this.”
He eased a few steps closer. “That sounds…ominous.”
“Not ominous, I promise.”
He came and sat down. “Okay. What is it?”
“I overheard you talking to Randy.”
He relaxed a little. “Ah.”
“And then he called me.”
His brow furrowed and he frowned. “Why?”
“To explain to me why you need to go do this benefit concert.”
He was still confused. “I’m sorry he tried to drag you into it. I’m not going though.”
“But you should.” The words came out stilted and insincere, but they were the words that needed to be said.
That took him by surprise. “I should?”
“Yes.”
“No. I don’t want to do it. There’s no reason for me to leave right now.”
“You have to start performing sometime. If not now, then when?”
His face fell a little. “Do you not want me here?”