“Fine,” I griped, pushing the comforter off me begrudgingly.
An hour later, my spiked heeled boots clicked the concrete floor as I walked into the living room. The formfitting black sweater dress was sexy, the black nails were dramatic, and my silk pressed jet-black hair was sleek.
“You’re dressed in all black,” Kia pointed out.
“Like the omen,” I replied.
She laughed and hugged me. “You look great. Tell me where you want to go, and we’ll go.”
“We should just go to Black Lotus. It’s tradition.”
She punched something into her phone. “Our ride will be here in five minutes. How do you feel now that you’re dressed?”
I nodded. “I feel fine,” I told her. “Not great, but fine.”
“You will get over this and you will meet someone new—”
“I’m not doing this again,” I promised with a shake of my head. “I’m not letting any man sneak his way into my feelings again. That should’ve never happened.”
“But—”
“What’s meant to be will be,” I acknowledged. “But I don’t see myself putting myself in this position again. No way. I fell for him and he just… walked away.”
“Well…” She looked down at her phone. “That was fast. Our ride is here.”
“Oh, okay, let me grab my bag.”
We walked out of my place and climbed into the back of the sedan waiting for us.
“What did you mean earlier?” I asked five minutes into the drive.
“What?” Kia asked.
“I said he walked away you and said well…”
“I don’t know if you’re in the place to receive my well-intentioned advice and I just want my best friend to be in a good emotionally healthy place.” She reached out for my hand. “Because I love you.”
“I love you, too. Now tell me what you were about to say.”
She let out a huff of air. “Well… you told me the whole story on Friday night when I came over, right?”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t really hear where you fought for the nurse. It kind of felt like you walked away, too. Don’t get me wrong, he should’ve believed you. But just like you felt angry and hurt when you thought a woman was in his place. He had the right to feel angry and hurt when he hears that you actually went on a date with another man. You got the satisfaction of knowing it was his sister. But what if it was an ex picking up her stuff? What if it was someone who really wanted to be with him? How would you feel?”
My stomach turned at the thought. “Oh, I know. I thought about that. I never disputed his right to be mad at me and hurt by the action. But if the man doesn’t want to be with me, he doesn’t want to be with me.” I lifted my shoulders in defeat. “And I refuse to beg or chase a man to be here. If he doesn’t recognize that this is a good thing, that I’m a good thing, that’s on him.”
“This is true,” she said gently, squeezing my hand. “But in that last conversation, I don’t remember you telling me that you told him that he was your choice. I don’t remember you saying that you told him how you felt about him. I know you explained why you needed to talk it out with Jordan and why it was a hard decision, but I don’t recall you ever saying that you told him that you’d been on his dick since day one.”
Staring out the window, I thought about what she said. Didn’t I tell him how deep my feelings ran for him?
“I don’t think I said it in that particular conversation,” I admitted, running back through the conversation we had. “I could’ve said more. I wanted to say more. But honestly, I was one emotion away from falling apart so I couldn’t.” I was quiet for a moment. “Because of what he went through with his ex, I get why he said he couldn’t do it again. That’s the thing… I get it. I understand where he’s coming from. I understand why he would think what he thinks. I get it.” I let my head fall back against the headrest. “I get it. I’m just sad about it.”
I took my hand from Kia and dabbed the corner of my eye. It was starting to water.
“You should tell him that,” she whispered. “What would you tell someone who emailed you about the exact same situation?”
I looked at her. “I would tell her that you can’t make someone be with you or love you back.”
The word love slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it. She smiled at me before looking away.
When we arrived at Black Lotus, we sat down and ordered a round of shots and our usual drinks. When they arrived, Kia lifted her shot glass. “You fell in love in a week and I’m single. Here’s to change looking good on us.”
I clinked hers with mine and we took the shot. The alcohol burned all the way down.
“Next to the stage, we have Gunner and his guitar.”
We clapped, but Gunner was new, so we went back to talking.
“You should call him,” Kia suggested. “But not tonight. You don’t need to drunk dial him and we are going to get drunk.”
“I’m probably not going to drink that much.”
She pointed at my empty shot glass. “We are about to hear some good music while drowning in man drama… you are going to be drinking.”
I snickered behind my hand. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“Can I bring a friend out?” Gunner asked as we talked to the waitress for another round of shots. “Give it up for my man, Saint!”
My head almost flew off from the velocity of me turning.
My Saint? Well… what used to be my Saint.
There weren’t many people with that name. I waited with bated breath for the person to come to the stage. I closed my eyes because my heart was racing. The catcalls confirmed it was him before I even opened my eyes.
“Zo, is that…?” Kia’s voice sounded as stunned as I felt.
I nodded, but I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He was wearing the suit he’d had on at my release party and he looked good.
“Hi, my name is Saint and I’m going to keep it short,” he announced into the mic. He looked over at Gunner and he started playing. “I met a woman a few weeks ago and I knew she was different. I had to know her better. And once I knew her better, I had to have her. And once I had her, I knew I didn’t want to let her go.”
He paused and scanned the crowd. The way the guitar sounded with his tone of voice made it seem like a spoken word poem even though it wasn’t.
Saint let the guitar riff swell before he continued, “But I let something get in my head and I made the mistake of letting her walk out of my life. I let this beautiful, smart, sexy, funny, talented woman go and I’ve regretted it every second of every day. I’m man enough to admit that I fucked up.”
He searched the crowd until he found me. His light brown eyes stared into my soul from that stage and I was unable to do anything about it.
“I’m man enough to admit that I let the past make a decision for me in the present…when all I want is a future with you.”
The cooing echoed throughout the room as the guitar rift punctuated his words. My heart was beating so hard as he left the stage area and made a beeline to me. Everyone was watching but once my eyes focused on him, the rest of the audience faded away.