AK47 told me to sit up front, so I sat on the seat next to AK47.
“And wipe your hands on this.” She pulled a piece of Kleenex from the box between her steering wheel and the big glass window. “That sweaty motherfucker creeps me out.”
Hamsa and Yoda both wished me happy birthday. They didn’t get up from their seats, since getting up while the bus is moving is against the RULES OF THE BUS.
“Happy birthday!” Yoda shouted, and I yelled, “Thank you!” and then Hamsa yelled the same thing, and then they wished each other happy birthday, even though neither of them were born on the same day I was.
I didn’t mind that. Part of a good birthday is sharing it with the people you like, members of your tribe, and so I did not mind sharing my birthday strength with them.
“Yes, it’s everybody’s birthday,” AK47 said. “Whoopee.”
“How was it?” she asked. “Good?”
I told her that Gert got me the Viking, who was actually a stripper. “But he didn’t take off any of his clothes when he came to my birthday.”
She shook her head and said, “That idiot brother of yours.”
The bus started rolling down the street. Another car came around the corner and AK47 didn’t even slow down to go around it. She is a better driver than anyone I have ever seen, even Gert, who can drive fast and never gets into accidents.
AK47 said, “Okay, are you ready for your gift?”
I said I was. She told me to look under the seat. There was a box and I pulled it out. The wrapping paper had Christmas trees and Santa Claus on it.
“Sorry. Ran out of birthday paper.”
“It’s okay, I like Christmas a lot.”
She told me I could open it any way I wanted, and so I opened along the taped parts, since I don’t like tearing things.
“Did you get a present?” Hamsa said from the back.
“Mind your own beeswax,” AK47 said.
I took off the Christmas paper. The box wasn’t very big. That didn’t mean it wasn’t a powerful gift, since small things can be strong, like AK47, who was only a little bit taller than me.
“Holy crap,” I said. Inside the box was a Viking sword.
“I know it’s not very big, but I figure it’s a start.”
She stopped the bus in front of the Community Center. To go with the sword, she handed me a piece of paper that had RULES OF THE VIKING SWORD on it.
“Since I know you like having rules, I thought this would help.”
I read the paper.
RULES OF THE VIKING SWORD
You are not allowed to use the sword for evil.
When you’re not using the sword, it must be put in its box and left there.
Nobody else is allowed to use the sword.
AK47 said that the exceptions to that rule were her and Gert.
“But I’m going to hold on to it for you today. And when we hang out, you can play with it.”
“Vikings don’t play,” I said. “Especially not with weapons.”
AK47 nodded and said that was true, that weapons were not toys. Yoda and Hamsa ran to the front of the bus.
“Holy crap,” Yoda said. “Is that a real sword?”
“It’s real metal,” I said.
“Can I see?” Hamsa said.
I told them it wasn’t allowed out of the box until AK47 said it was okay. They looked at AK47, who had turned off the engine and took out her key.
“Everyone but Zelda off,” AK47 said.
Hamsa and Yoda got off. AK47 gave them both fist pounds. They had seen AK47 and I do the fist pounds and had started doing them too.
“Have a good day, you goons,” AK47 said.
That was another thing they liked. They liked the weird things AK47 called them, like goons or critters, which means something small, even though they are bigger than her, and bigger than me, and adults and not small animals too.
“Can I have a sword?” Hamsa said when AK47 and I shuffled off the bus.
“Or a lightsaber,” Yoda said, meaning a sword made of light from the movie Star Wars.
“Those don’t exist,” AK47 said, patting him on the back.
I took the sword out. It was not very big. I held it in my hands, trying not to touch the metal of the blade. I didn’t want to cut my hand. Viking swords are always really sharp. Kepple’s Guide to the Vikings says warriors spend a lot of time sharpening their swords before a battle.
The little Viking sword was shorter than a ruler. I held it in my hand in front of me and imagined that the bus was moving quickly toward a tribe of Vikings. Their swords would be bigger, but it isn’t how big your sword is, AK47 is always saying, it’s how you use it.
“I asked them to make sure the stuff on the handle was Viking,” she said.
The markings on the handle were runes, which are small symbols that have a lot of power.
“They’re supposed to be authentic. Pur, or whatever, is on there. I guess that means Thor. It’s a replica of this Thurmuth sword,” she said.
The sword had some very powerful runes. According to Kepple’s, those two runes combined to make the person using the sword a gargantuan warrior.
My favorite rune is called Dagaz, only you say it like “thaw gozz.” It looks almost like an H.
Dagaz means to become awake or to transform. That is what I want to do in my legend: I want to go from a normal Viking to a hero.
I asked AK47 if we were going to battle, if that was why she gave me the sword.
“Every day’s a battle, sweet pea,” AK47 said. “It’s not full-size, but be careful.”
I gave it to her. Even though a Viking is not ready to defeat villains without a weapon, I knew AK47 would keep it safe, and she said she would give it back to me at the end of the day.
Because AK47 had given me a sword, I realized that I could now cross that off of my list of THINGS LEGENDS NEED. I now had three things that all Viking heroes need: a fair maiden, a powerful weapon, and a wise man.
chapter five
Every day the Community Center has two hours where everyone like me and Hamsa and Yoda and Marxy can talk and play in the gymnasium if they want. These are people who are “retarded,” which is a word I do not care about, but is one of the words that nobody is allowed to say, like the n-word Gert used to say before he and AK47 got together, and which I cannot even say out loud, even though this is my legend.
Sometimes at the Community Center we use the art room and do paintings. At night, twice a week, there are also literacy classes where we practice reading and writing and making sure our brains get exercise.
I go to the Community Center for half the day and eat lunch there, and then AK47 drives me home on the days that Gert can’t pick me up because he’s at school.
“The birthday girl,” Big Todd said when I walked into the Community Center. He gave me a high five instead of a pound.
“Big Todd, my man,” I said.
“Did you have a good birthday?”
I told him about the Viking stripper and the sword AK47 gave me. He asked me if I had it with me, since weapons weren’t allowed in the Community Center.
“Having a special weapon is one of the most important parts of being a hero,” I said.
“It’s not a weapon,” AK47 said, coming over. “And I’ll be holding on to it for today.”