“I’m just glad she found out when she did.” Hayley’s touch is protective, just like the fierceness in her voice.
I know her heart’s in the right place. Truly, I do.
That doesn’t stop me from feeling slightly irritated. “I’m okay, we didn’t make each other any promises. It doesn’t matter. Not for my sake. I feel sorry for him. Not for me.”
“I’m always going to worry more about you than I do about anybody else. That’s just how it is.” She shrugs.
Looking at Zack, I feel guilty for ever having believed the story Kellen told me about him. But I still wonder why he lied about it all.
I don’t know what hurts more, honestly. I never gave him any reason to make up a story. I never asked anything from him.
Except for him to be truthful with me.
Sure, I never came right out and spoke those words aloud, but did I need to? Isn’t it sort of implied?
Zack ducks back into Kellen’s room, and I hear murmuring coming from inside. I know what Zack’s doing. What I don’t know is whether or not I want to see Kellen. Especially if he’s banged up badly. I’m not sure if I can handle it.
There’s too much going through my head and my heart. I’m not sure what to think or whether I need to think of anything at all.
He doesn’t owe me anything. I don’t owe him anything.
Actually, that’s not quite right. He owes me an explanation.
But I’m not so sure I need them right this very minute. The man’s in a hospital bed and just got through surgery. The last thing he needs to do is explain himself.
Clearly, he feels otherwise since, when Zack sticks his head out the door and into the hall, he murmurs, “Briggs wants to see you.”
“You don’t have to,” Hayley whispers. “You really don’t.”
“I know.” But I stand just the same and throw my shoulders back.
If nothing else, he needs a friend right now. I can do that much.
I think.
CHAPTER TWENTY
The first thing I notice when entering the room is the number of machines all around. That’s not such a surprise. I saw them when I was here with Grandmother.
The second is the mass of swollen flesh that used to be Kellen’s face.
I mean, it’s still Kellen’s face. But now, it has stitches in it. A swollen eye. A split lip.
I can barely breathe. I wish I hadn’t come in here. I wish I hadn’t come to the hospital.
I wish I could’ve let this entire thing go—from Kellen and his promises to everything that happened at the resort.
But of course, that’s not how life works. We can’t go back, and there’s no way of knowing how things will turn out. All we can do is the best we can do.
His good eye opens. “Hey.” His voice is weak. I guess that’s understandable.
“Hey,” I say, taking a seat next to him.
“You’re still as pretty as you were back there.” He tries to smile, but it’s not easy with his face the way it is. I see pain in his eye, the way he winces. “I wish I could say the same for myself.”
“You don’t look that bad.”
“You’re a terrible liar.”
“You would know. You’re better at it than I am.”
He slowly blows out a long sigh. “I deserve that.”
Whether or not he thinks he deserved it, I feel like garbage for saying it. “I’m sorry. It was uncalled for.”
“No, it was called for. And more than that. But maybe you can have a little sympathy for a guy after he had his insides opened up today.”
I touch his hand. “Kellen, I’m so sorry.”
“No more than me.” He looks away, up at the ceiling. “I knew I wasn’t good enough for you the whole time. I should’ve discouraged you. I should’ve acted like an asshole and driven you away. I was wrong. I was weak, the way I’ve always been.”
“Don’t say that. You aren’t weak.”
“You don’t have to be nice. You don’t owe me anything.”
My fingers close over his anyway. “What I don’t understand is why you made up that story about Zack. Why go out of your way to lie like that?”
“Don’t you get it?” He snorts. “No, I guess not. I wanted to see how you’d react. What you would say. You don’t know what it’s like to have something like this inside you. Carrying it around all the time. Knowing people wouldn’t think about you the same way if they knew the truth.”
“So, you pretended the situation was reversed and Zack was the one with the problem in order to test me?”
“Don’t put it that way, please.”
“But you were. I guess I must’ve passed, huh?”
Another sigh. “You’re tough.”
“You already knew that.” I won’t apologize this time.
“I can only ask you to forgive me. Don’t hate me too much.”
“I don’t hate you. I’m sad for you, more than anything.”
“Shit, that’s worse.”
I know he’s trying to joke, but I hear the truth underneath just the same. Nobody wants to be pitied, especially somebody with a lot of pride. “Sorry. That sounded bad.”
“Nah. You’re a good person. You only want to do what’s right. That’s one of the things I like best about you.”
I wish he wouldn’t say things like that. It only makes me feel worse. I guess my feelings aren’t all that’s important right now though. Not when he’s practically in pieces.
“Can I ask what happened?” I whisper, holding his hand a little tighter. “As a friend. I’m only asking as a friend.”
“What do you want me to say? I owed them money. I didn’t have it to them in time. If anything, the wedding was a way to get out of town for a little while and breathe easier. I ducked them for a few days, but it wasn’t enough. They were waiting for me when I got back.”
“Wow.”
“And the whole time, I knew you were waiting for me. I got your message, and I wanted more than anything to—”
“You don’t need to explain.”
“I have to though. I need to say it, so you understand. I wanted to get back to you, so you wouldn’t think I was lying.”
“But you were lying.”
“Not about wanting to see you though.” He turns his head enough to look at me. I wish it wasn’t so hard to look back at him. I can hardly do it without wincing. “I didn’t lie about that. About anything I felt for you.”
“You mean, it didn’t matter at all that my grandmother’s rich?”
I regret it the second it’s out of my mouth. It’s a low blow. But darn it, if I don’t at least get confirmation from him, I’ll always wonder.
“God, no. You don’t honestly think that, do you?”
“Honestly? How am I supposed to know? I haven’t had a lot of time to process this. But I can’t help but remember you bringing her up after the reception. It seemed so out of the blue even though I’d told you about her on the bus. I should’ve listened to my instincts then. Something didn’t seem right.”