“Three years. That’s how long it’s been since I let anyone in.” That’s how long it’s been since I’ve wanted anyone. I grit my teeth. “He’s my goddamn brother, Adrienne. Of all people.”
She takes another step. “I know.” The very sound of her voice gives me goosebumps. “I just met him yesterday. He wants to sponsor our house. I don’t know why or how. I just know that’s why he’s here.”
What the fuck? Levi wants to sponsor House of Hope? Why? When did he become the Good Samaritan?
I believe her. Maybe that’s me being stupid. Maybe I’m falling for the same old shit, different pussy. But I believe her.
Adrienne reaches for something on the front of my shirt. Lint. Grass. A bug. I don’t care. I just know her gentle touch sends me reeling. “I was introducing him to the boys. Showing him their rooms.” She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. I look down at that lip and think about how badly I want to be the one to bite it, how much I want to taste her. Just once. “And I haven’t called, not because I didn’t want to, but because I haven’t let anyone in for a long time either. You scare the shit out of me, Blaze Abbott.” She flicks whatever it was she plucked off my shirt into the air then rests her hand on my chest.
She wasn’t blowing me off. She was protecting herself… From me.
Her voice is gentle and calming. Her touch is soft and subtle, the complete opposite of everything that I am. If this is how she handles the boys in this house, it’s no wonder they love her so much. She’s a motherfucking angel in the flesh, a goddamn immortal sent here to shake me to my core. She’s good. Too good. The kind of good that a man like me would ruin for anyone else.
A beat passes. Then two. Three.
I swallow. “You should say no to my offer. As a matter of fact, I should say it for you.” I hook a finger under her chin and force her head up, but her gaze falls somewhere over my shoulder. “Because I’m not good for you, Adrienne. I’m not good for anyone. I don’t give. I can’t. It’s just not something I’m capable of.” She makes eye contact with me, and I almost fucking break. “I take. That’s what I do. I take and take until there’s nothing left.” Memories of red and blue flashing lights and sirens and stretchers keep coming in, one after the other, until my lungs burn and my chest feels tight—memories that remind me exactly why this is a bad idea. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Her hand slides up over my shoulder then to my cheek. She leans in and whispers, “I want you to hurt me.”
Awwww fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck.
Yeah, she just said that.
I rake my fingers through my hair then rub the nape of my neck with one hand. “Don’t say things you don’t mean.”
She drops her hand and squares her shoulders. “I mean it. How’s that for an answer?”
Good God, this woman.
“You should go back inside.”
“Is that what you really want? For me to go inside?” Her voice is low and soft as she takes a step back.
My eyes take in the way her legs look underneath her light pink sundress and the way the swell of her breasts rises and falls with every breath she takes and how one of the thin straps is starting to fall off her shoulder. I want to reach across and pull it back in place, but I know the minute I touch her, I won’t want to stop.
Seconds pass.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
Dread curls and twists in my stomach. I want to kick my own ass for what I say next.
“Yes.”
“Then I guess it’s settled.” She smiles, and I smile back as though the look in her eyes isn’t tearing me apart.
Unrequited.
That’s what they call it when you want something from someone, and they don’t want it back.
Forsaken.
That’s what it feels like to be alone inside, to be rejected.
Defeated.
That’s one thing I refuse to be.
I walk back inside the house with a smile on my face. It’s the same smile I wore when my uncle, my only living relative, told me he was sorry but they just didn’t have room to take in another child. The same smile I wore when I told Gavin it was okay that he cheated on me with Jane, that they belonged together. The same smile I wore when I saw Travis at In-N-Out three weeks after he changed the locks… with a beautiful blonde on his arm. It’s the smile of a motherfucking warrior. It’s my shield, my F-U to the world when the world tries to bring me down.
Brody was right. Nothing about what just happened felt casual. When I saw the look on Blaze’s face after he saw Levi, all I wanted to do was fix it, fix him. Until that moment, I’d been terrified of how being with Blaze would make me feel. I was worried that I would lose control, that he would consume me. But in that moment, I knew I’d been wrong. He needed to escape his pain, and I needed to be the one to take it from him. Whatever he needed, I needed it too. In that moment, I knew Blaze wouldn’t just consume me.
We were already consuming each other.
Levi and Brody are standing next to the kitchen. Mirror images facing each other with one hip leaned against the island and arms folded across their chests. They both turn and watch me as I walk by.
Brody straightens first. “Everything okay?”
I begin layering the lasagna noodles in the pan. “Everything is great. He was just dropping Liam off.”
Levi unfolds his arms and turns to face me. “How do you know my brother?”
Brody and I share a look very close to that of a student caught cheating on a test. Part of me was hoping Blaze was the reason Levi and his family wanted to sponsor HoH. That would make explanations like this easier. According to Kai, we have the racing circuit to thank for our newest sponsor. I still haven’t figured out whether I believe in happenstance or not, but if I did, this would be one hell of a coincidence.
“There was an accident at Blaze’s brewery, and Liam was involved.” I’m not sure how much more detail I can go into without making Liam—or the house for that matter—look like an episode of Shameless. This man is about to invest a lot of money in our mission. I need him to know it’s worth it.
Levi raises a brow. “The fire?”
“Yes. But it wasn’t…” I feel myself stumbling on my words in order to not unleash the Mama Bear and get defensive. “Liam is a good kid. That’s not normal behavior for him.”
“So, what happened to him? To the boy?”
“Blaze was very understanding. He said he wouldn’t press charges as long as Liam helped clean up the mess he made,” Brody says as he starts taking plates out of the cabinet.
“My brother, the saint.” Levi chuckles to himself. “Lucky for the kid.”
I layer the shredded chicken over the noodles to keep my thoughts where they need to be and off of Blaze. “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. This kind of thing doesn’t happen often. It’s the first time ever, actually. And Liam isn’t a troublemaker. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it all, still hoping one day he’ll talk to me about it.”
Levi reaches across the counter and rests his hand on top of mine. “Relax, Adrienne. I’m not judging you or the boy or this house or your organization. I was just curious. I thought maybe you and my brother were… well…” He shakes his head. “Anyway. I’m glad we got that out in the open.”