“That would never happen.” The confident smile hit every inch of her body like a velvet glove, stroking her imagination, and the gravelly tone of his words sent heat flaring even in this cold.
Bother. She didn’t or couldn’t parle words with him, not on this topic. He was far too experienced for the likes of her.
“Is that everything on your list?” His question surprised her. “Because if it is, I can confidentially state that I meet every requirement.”
Drat. She wished she knew what else was on his list. “Before I share more, what would be on your list?”
He laughed and the sound made her lips curve up. She loved how open he was with his emotions. She could always tell when he was happy, sad, angry, or that special posturing only dukes portrayed.
“I don’t have a list.” His laughter died as she frowned. “That’s probably not true. I have an image in my head of what I am looking for in a wife.”
An image in his head? Wasn’t that a lie? She’d found his list. Now her assuredness was under threat again. “So, no list on parchment?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Why would I need to write it down?”
Liar. “What is it you are looking for? Or why me?”
He dismounted and tethered his horse, reaching up to help her down. With no thought, she fell into his arms and couldn’t hide the shudder through her limbs as he purposely let her slide down his muscled chest.
When her feet finally found the ground, he leaned down and whispered in her ear, “Mainly it’s because my thoughts, when I look at you, are not gentlemanly or honorable. And given your breeding and family connections, that makes you more than perfect for the role of my duchess.”
His warm breath in the cold air wasn’t the only thing causing a mist over her eyes. Goodness gracious, why did he affect her so? She wished he didn’t affect her because marriage was for life and surely it should be built on more than mere physical attraction? What happens when she grew older? If there is only physical attraction, what happens when beauty fades?
“There are many beautiful young ladies with more than suitable family connections,” and she pushed out of his arms and walked towards the croft with her mind whirling.
When she heard the loud sigh she swung round to face him. “I know I should be flattered. I know I should view your intentions as every woman’s dream. But… ” She turned away and cursing into the wind, she stamped her foot. How impossible to make a man, let alone a duke, understand what a woman, well, a woman like her, really wanted.
Love.
All her life she’d been consumed by Blade. Each time he’d visited, or when her family visited London and she saw him at family gatherings or balls, she’d not had eyes for any other man. Now here he was. About to give her what she’d always wanted. For some reason she could not bring herself to say yes.
He’d have his work as the duke, and all the obligations that came with his position, House of Lords, governmental issues, tenants, family—she’d hardly see him if her father was anything to go by. She wanted to matter. For once in her life, she wanted to matter. Her chest heaved with the power of the emotions boiling below the surface. She should be the perfect young lady and not let her emotions overcome her, but marriage, for a woman, was a serious business. There was no escape once wed. The wrong man and her life would be over.
Was Blade the right man for her?
To think he’d simply made a list and her name came out on top was no basis for the marriage she wanted.
She sensed him at her back. He didn’t touch her, but his presence was all-consuming.
“What are you afraid of?”
His question caught her by surprise. How had he guessed she was afraid?
She turned and his arms wrapped around her. She leaned into his chest. “I hate that you’ve organized this betrothal without even pretending to court me. It’s as if I should be grateful and yet,” and she pushed out of his warm hold, “I’m a catch too.”
“I know you are. You’re beautiful.” And he ran a gloved finger down her cheek.
She looked into his eyes and reminded herself to stay strong. “I could have married this year. What would you have felt if I had?”
“I don’t think I would have liked that.”
“Then where were you when I had my come out?”
He looked away. His silence was unnerving. So she spoke, anger goading her to reveal more than she wanted to. “Turning up this Christmas, with betrothal in mind, makes me feel like an afterthought. And I refuse to be an afterthought for any man.”
With that, she walked to Brandy, her gelding, and swung up into the saddle.
He didn’t stop her.
“When you can tell me why you want to marry me now, and give me a reason why I should consider marriage to you outside of duty and family, I’ll consider your offer.” She walked Brandy past him and gave one last comment. “I’m not a woman who marries any man who has to make a list to know what he requires in a wife.”
With that she kicked her horse and took off at a gallop, his words muffled by the wind, but she thought he’d said, “What list?”
Chapter Four
Harriet didn’t have long to mope over her situation, because a few hours later her friend, Lady Ariane arrived. Her father was hosting a ball tomorrow, the night before Christmas Eve, when her betrothal was supposed to be announced, and Harriet had invited Ariane to stay. Mainly for moral support.
The two young women had been friends for a few years and had had their first season together in May. Ariane had found her Prince Charming. She had accepted an offer from George Fogel, Viscount Kingsley. He was the Earl of Southerby’s eldest son and heir, and Ariane loved him with all her heart. It was an excellent match. Their wedding would be in the spring.
As Harriet waited for Ariane to ascend the stairs, she could not help the small stab of envy. Why couldn’t Blade have swept her off her feet this season too? The ladies had often giggled about having a double wedding. But Harriet’s dreams of a love-filled marriage with Blade were now burning into ash.
The ladies embraced on the top step, and Harriet quickly pulled her friend toward the drawing room. Her younger sister, Diane, was in the village gathering last minute Christmas items. Her father, brothers, and Blade were nowhere to be seen, and she wanted to take the opportunity to talk with Ariane before the men in her life descended. It was times like this, since her mother died, that she felt the vast hole in her life. She didn’t realize how much she craved female company.
Oh, she had Diane, but she was a few years younger than Harriet and until she matured, the conversations shared between them were not very enlightening as to affairs of the heart.
The ladies had barely taken their seats when Ariane asked, “So, were you right? Is His Grace here to ask for your hand in marriage?”
Harriet smiled and pressed her finger to her lips while pointedly starring at the servant who was just leaving, having deposited a tea tray on the small table between them. She waited until the door was firmly closed before admitting, “Yes.”
Ariane’s eyebrows rose. “I see. You don’t seem to be overjoyed. Did he tell you why he didn’t court you this past season?”