Just then a sneeze tracked up his nose, and he knew it was time to take his leave. It was him or the cat. “I shall see you all at dinner.” With that, he bowed and left the room, Trello following behind.
“I hate to say this, Blade but somehow you have really angered Harriet.” He clapped Blade on his back. “Let’s go play some billiards and drink brandy while you explain to me what you’ve done to upset my sister.”
He had a suspicion he knew exactly what she was angry about. She was angry that he’d ignored her most of the season, and she believed the rumors about him and Lady Jane, and yet he was turning up at Christmas expecting her to agree to a match.
He would talk to her tonight whether or not she liked it. Getting her alone was the issue. He could hardly visit her room. The cat would see him break out in hives or worse, sometimes he could barely breathe. He would have to get her to come to him. No easy feat when she was avoiding him and it was too cold at night to venture outside.
Chapter Five
Dinner had been a trying affair with her father’s obvious matchmaking efforts making her want to plead illness and flee. To Blade’s credit, he had not gloated or played into her father’s innuendo, and that had bothered her more. What was he up to?
Now Harriet had escaped to the library, while her brothers and Blade had made their way to the billiard room once again. Ariane had retired early, tired after her long journey, but Harriet couldn’t sleep. She should go to bed and rest. It would be a long tiring night tomorrow, having to smile and take all the knowing looks from their guests. They knew why Blade was here. Her father had not been discreet, it would appear. Everyone would expect an announcement tomorrow night.
She rubbed her temples and tried to fight off the pounding headache about to set in. She pushed her slippers off with her toes and lay down on the settee. Every time she closed her eyes, all she saw was the image of Blade’s naked chest as he’d stood with water sluicing over every defined muscle in the hot pool. Was it only a day ago? Now, her body seemed to be aflame each time she saw him, knowing what lay beneath the clothes. She wondered if he dreamed of her naked and in his arms?
She hated that she longed to be naked and in his arms, even if she was second best and merely met requirements on a list.
As if he’d sensed her thoughts, she looked up and Blade was standing in the doorway. His face was shadowed but she could feel the heat in his gaze. She swung her legs off the settee and sat up. She wanted to say don’t come near, but her throat closed as he sauntered towards where she sat near the fire, as if he owned the night.
“We need to talk.”
She didn’t want to talk. Not here in the firelight where the shadows caressed his face and made her want to do the same.
“I’m not sure we have anything to discuss.”
An audible sigh filled the air as he took the large wingback chair across from her. “I have some explaining to do and an apology to make.”
That caught her attention.
He carried on. “You want to know about Lady Jane.”
“I’m sure I am not in the least bit interested in your—affairs.”
“If you expect honesty, then you must be honest with me too.” Her face flushed with color. “Lady Jane meant nothing to me. I was in her company a great deal because Prinny gave me a task I was honor bound to fulfill. I cannot reveal what that task was, but it was to do with Princess Charlotte and Lady Jane is her lady-in-waiting.”
She watched his eyes and saw no flicker of deceit. “So, you were not enamored of her, desiring a match.”
“Good lord, no. If I had not been following Prinny’s orders I would have courted you this season.”
“Since you are speaking of honesty, why did you wish to court me?” His mouth opened, but nothing came out. She continued. “Do you want to know what I think?” She didn’t wait for his answer. “I think you find me attractive, interesting even, and we are friends. We have known each other most of our lives and Trello is your best friend.”
He nodded. “All true.”
“I think I’m the easy choice.”
He looked like he was about to choke. “Easy? I hardly think I’m so lazy I’d take the easiest option to find a wife.” He moved to sit beside her before she could react. Taking her hand, he whispered, “You forgot one important component of why I want you as my wife. I desire you,” and he lifted her ungloved hand and pressed a kiss to her palm, making shivers cascade over her skin. “And you are not immune to me either.”
She could not deny his words, but she still pulled her hand free. “And do you believe desire is the correct basis for a marriage?”
This time he ran his finger gently over her cheek. “It’s the perfect place to start.”
“But where would a marriage based on desire end up? From what I have seen, men burn with desire and then over time, like a starved fire, the flame dies out.”
He tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear and she wished he’d stop touching her; it confused and excited her, and there was too much at stake here.
“You’d have our children and the house, or houses, to maintain, and I’d have my responsibilities. We would get along famously.”
So, he agreed with her that the desire would fade. “Would that mean you’d take mistresses to find new desires?”
“No. I just believe that if we stoke the fire regularly, the flames, though they might not burn as ferocious, will fan the embers and glow bright. A warm, comfortable life.”
She sucked in a breath. That all sounded fine except…, what if he found a woman he could love? And how would it feel to marry a man you loved with all your heart, but that love was never returned? Both of them would be trapped in this ‘comfortable’ life. She drew in a deep breath before saying, “That is not enough for me. I want love. I want to marry a man who loves me, and I him.”
She felt his absence by her side immediately as he stood and paced. “You said you wanted honesty,” she explained.
He nodded. “Well love, like desire, fades and usually takes any semblance of friendship with it.”
He sounded as if he spoke from experience. “I guess that means you don’t love me.”
He swung round to look at her. “And you don’t love me… Oh, God. You do.” He looked horrified as he sunk into the nearby chair.
“Why do you think I’ve turned down so many offers?”
“I need a drink. I never assumed…” He stood and walked straight to the sideboard and poured himself a large brandy and drank it in one gulp. He hung his head and heavy silence blanketed the room.
This time she sighed as she stood to take her leave. “I know father is expecting an announcement at the ball, but I won’t be allowing it. When you can profess your love for me, then I will agree to marry you. Your love would make a splendid Christmas present.”
“What if I can never declare that love you want?”
Interesting. He didn’t say what if ‘I could never love you’. He merely said declare it.
“Then I hope for your sake that one day you are brave enough to find that special woman and realize love is not something to fear. I hope you open your shuttered heart to her. I don’t know who hurt you, but they were obviously not worthy of your love. Next time don’t give your heart to someone who will trample it into the dust.”