Gaira watched him pull out a stack of carefully-tied letters. James’ question was one with a complicated answer. She was afraid if she didn’t tell him everything, and tell him quickly, that she would lose him to the excitement and relief of finding his brother’s haversack. He might even chase her away so he could be alone with his brother’s memories. Already, she could see that he was distracted with it.
Taking a deep breath, she summoned her courage.
“The haversack was brought tae Carrie by a man who was scavenging the battlefield for metal,” she said steadily. “Carrie put it in her chamber with all of the other things she had collected, and as I had done with others, I looked through them. Only this haversack was different. Ye asked me if I knew yer brother, m’laird, and the answer is that I do. I know ye, too. Did ye know he kept the letters ye wrote tae him since the time ye were a young lad until recently?”
James’ hands were still trembling, but his initial shock was being overtaking by some confusion. Bewilderment. He fingered through the stack in his hand only to realize something.
“B-But… but some of these are very old,” he said, peering at one. “M-My God, these are all from me.”
Gaira knelt down beside him. “They are,” she said softly, looking at his face as he unfastened the hemp string. “M’laird… I read through every single letter. Everything ye wrote tae yer brother. Because of the catch in yer speech, ye wrote him letters when ye quarreled because when ye became upset, the catch grew worse and it was difficult for ye tae speak.”
He stopped pawing and looked at her. “H-How did you know that?”
Gaira found herself staring into eyes that were as beautiful as a new day. “I told ye,” she said, a hint of a smile on her lips. “Because I read every single letter. Did ye know that yer brother replied tae every letter ye ever wrote him?”
James’ gaze was riveted to her. “H-He did not,” he said. “H-He never wrote to me.”
Gaira’s smile broke through as she reached into the haversack and pulled out another pile of letters. She held them up between them.
“He did,” she said. “I dunna know why he never gave them tae ye, but for every letter ye wrote him, he wrote one in return. They’re all here, in order. I put them in order of the date, or at least as close as I could get.”
James’ mouth opened in astonishment as he took the stack from her, looking at it. It was a shocking revelation. After a moment, he swallowed hard.
“Y-You read all of these?” he asked.
Gaira’s smile faded. “I did,” she said. “Believe me when I tell ye that when I first found the haversack, I only intended tae read one or two, tae find out who the sack belonged tae. That was my original intention and I swear that tae ye. But the more I read, the more I wanted tae read. I’ve read those letters so many times that I’ve nearly memorized them.”
James set down the stack of the letters he had written so that he could focus on the ones Johnathan had written to him. But he made no move to untie the string. He simply sat there and looked at them.
“I-If what you say is true, they were not meant for you,” he said after a moment.
She averted her gaze, ashamed. “I know,” she said. “I dinna mean tae intrude, but I couldna help myself. There’s such a beautiful story in those letters.”
He snorted. “I-I am not sure that’s possible,” he said. “A-Anything I wrote is drivel. I-I don’t even know what my brother’s letters say.”
“Ye need tae read them.”
“I-I am not sure I can.”
“Why not?”
He glanced at her. “I-I am not sure why I should say that to you,” he said. “W-We are strangers, you and I. This is a private family matter and you surely would not care.”
Gaira laughed softly. “We are not strangers,” she said. “I know ye better than I’ve known most people in my life and I’ve never even met ye until now. Do ye want tae know what I know of ye? I know that ye’re brilliant and witty and sensitive, things ye thought yer brother believed were weaknesses, but I tell ye it’s not true. He dinna think that.”
“N-Now you’re making up lies.”
She shook her head firmly. “Indeed, I’m not,” she insisted. “Ye can read them for yerself. There’s a letter yer brother wrote tae ye six years ago after ye attended a fete given by a family named Summerlin. There was a young woman ye had yer eye on but when ye spoke tae her, she shunned ye. Ye ran off and no one could find ye for two days and when your brother finally found ye drowning yer sorrows at a coach inn, ye scolded him and told him tae go away. Do ye remember that incident?”
James was looking at her dubiously. “I-I do, in fact,” he said quietly. “T-The young woman was A-Amy Summerlin.”
“Of Blackstone Castle.”
When he realized she really did know the situation, he became less doubtful. “S-She pretended to be interested in what I had to say when, in fact, I later heard her mocking my speech with her friends and laughing. I-I was humiliated and left the party.”
Gaira nodded her head in the direction of the letters he held in his hand. “Ye never let yer brother tell ye that he had avenged ye,” she said gently. “In one of those letters, he tells ye that he corresponded with Amy for six months after the incident, pretending tae be a great duke, and promised he’d call upon her. On the appointed day, he never showed up and left Amy greatly humiliated.”
James looked at her, incredulous. “I-I think I heard of that,” he said. “M-My mother spoke of Amy Summerlin being made a fool of and how she was the laughingstock of her social circle. A-And you’re telling me that my brother did that?”
“He did.”
“For me?”
“For ye. The man had a naughty streak in him tae be sure.”
James had known that for the most part. But the fact that his brother had avenged him in a situation where he’d blamed his brother for his problems was astonishing. But that astonishment was coupled with growing remorse.
“H-He tried to speak to me about it, a few times, but I shut him off,” he said, thinking back to that time. “I-I never let him speak of it, so he never told me what he’d done.”
Gaira watched the regret ripple across his face. “He wrote ye a letter about it instead,” she said. “Ye wrote tae him because ye couldna speak, and he wrote tae ye because ye wouldna let him speak. I think ye should read the letters, m’laird. I think yer brother was a different man than ye knew.”
James sank down to his buttocks, still clutching the stack of bound letters. There was so much remorse and angst in his heart to realize that Johnathan had written him so many letters he never gave to him.
The question was why.
He suspected he knew.
“W-Was I really so difficult to communicate with?” he muttered aloud. “W-Why would he write all of these and never give them to me? Was he so afraid of my reaction?”
Because he sat down, Gaira sat down. “I dunna have the answers ye seek, m’laird, but I’ll tell ye what I think,” she said. “Yer brother was a proud man. As his younger brother, ye’re supposed tae look up tae the man and believe him perfect. Isna that what younger brothers do for the older ones?”