She looks at me with a soft smile, but also confusion. “Girls, could you give us a sec?” she ask her sisters.
“Come, I'll buy you two pretty girls lunch.”
Nonna helps me out by taking them away with the promise of food. She just wants to feed everyone, all the time.
When I’m sure they are gone, I pull the door shut and sit on the bottom of the bed. We just look at each other for a minute. I want to remember every single thing about her.
She has her hair piled up on top of her head in a mess of curls, and her face is completely clean of the usual sparkly makeup. The only thing she’s wearing, that I notice, is the happy glow that radiates from her.
“When you say you need to go, you aren’t coming back are you, Rat?”
I look at Renato, not her. “Not for a while at least. I’m sorry, Chelsey, but I had to make sure you and him would be safe.”
I touch his little head. He has her blonde hair, and his tiny hand is curled around her pinky finger while he drinks from the bottle. He makes small noises and I feel them inside me, pulling me to stay.
“It’s better that way.” She makes the first wound. “We can’t do this, Rat, as much as we love each other. It was too late. You found me too late and that’s all there is to it.”
Another blow. I took too long to let her know how I felt. I couldn’t steal her from him, and even if I did it wouldn’t change that she was carrying his child.
“The house is yours. It’s the reason we made him marry you, so my mother couldn’t kick you and Renato out.” Ice starts to work its way through me. The warm feelings and love slowly turn to cold indifference, so I can protect myself. “You can move your mom and sisters in to help you. I’ll be gone later today.”
I move away from her. I see her teary eyes as she tries to stay strong and hard. “Rat, don’t be like that.”
She reaches for me and I see his ring still on her finger. “Don’t, Chelsey, this is so hard already. I had this picture in my head. He’d be gone and you and I would be happy, my arm over your shoulder with the baby in the front for family photos. I saw my life with you, and know it’s wrong, but I wanted it so fucking badly that I let them kill my father to get it. I am not a good person. I’m just like him. Do us a favor and raise the next one right, so that Sal doesn’t live on in him.”
I swallow the pain. I take it like a man, like my father taught me. Even though this time I can feel it killing me. None of his punches or kicks hurt like this. Chelsey is crying. She holds her son tightly to her chest, taking comfort in what she still has left.
She will be an amazing mother, and an even better one if I just go and never come back.
“Fuck you, Rat.” Her voice breaks and cracks, with anger and agony. “You don’t think I had that same picture in my head every night when he came to bed beside me? Every time he touched me or kissed me? You think I don’t wish it was different? You didn’t even blink, you stood there and watched the bullet hit him and you did nothing! You are wrong. You aren’t just like Sal, you’re worse.” She leans over and puts her boy down in his bassinet beside the bed. “But, the difference is I love you. I didn’t see your flaws. You hid them from me. At least Sal was who he was from the first time he chased me around and called me Bunny. Rat suits you, because it’s what you are. Just go. Leave.”
She points at the door, but I’m not leaving like this. I stand up and move to stand right next to her. She is sitting cross legged on the bed with a thousand pillows all around her. Panting with anger and looking down at her shaking hands, she doesn’t want to look at me. Lifting her chin so she has no choice, her eyes are gray with the sadness that I put there. This is supposed to be a happy time, the best time, and I destroyed that. Selfishness, and hatred that I couldn’t keep in, stole her joy.
“I still love you, Chelsey.” I remind her that won’t change.
Wiping her teary cheeks with my thumbs I hold her hand so I can take a proper last look at my first love. She nods. She knows, that’s why this is so hard for both of us.
Bending down I steal one last kiss. Just like our first one I put all my unspoken words into it. I taste her tears. The bitterness of her heartbreak is on her tongue and she gives it to me.
A final peck on her cheek and I step away, and let her go. I saved them and that has to be enough.
“Bye Chel’s.”
I don’t dare wait, or the strength to leave will be gone. I walk out, close the door, and cry like a baby all the way to my car.
THE END
You can keep learning about the stylists at Cut & Blow in Book 3, which is Vivianna and Romi’s story. We might even see what happens to Chelsey, will the Rat return? Make your next appointment to find out.
Acknowledgments
This series is all for fun, from the cover to the story and the characters. And I have had an enormous amount of fun.
Each book takes a team, this one had a special team. The thank you’s are always the hardest and I hope I haven’t left anyone off. You are all so amazing.
My husband Rick, who supports me through it all — the tears, the joy, the frustration, he is always there with love. Thank you for understanding how much my writing means and being by my side all the way. Thank you for taking me away from it all, so I could come back and write a better story.
Poppet, my editor, cover ninja, and special friend. Thanks is never enough, you are so special to me.
Jamie Johnson, what would I do without you? You keep me together, pick up the slack when I’m falling apart and most of all you are my friend through it all. Thank you for being the adult, so that I can just write. This one is for you!
My Beta’s for this book, we went on a learning journey, doing things a new way and what fun it was! Thank you Michelle, Charlie, Vanessa, Sian, Misty, Culine and Karen. I can’t wait to do it all over again My beta team has been amazing through this book, you guys are the best! I hope we have many more hashtags and laughs together.
To my special book friends who are there when I want to quit, who kick my butt, and encourage me to follow this crazy heart of mine, Di Covey and Karen Mandeville-Steer I know I wouldn’t be here without you two. Thank you, for being the best friends a writer could ask for.
My Assassins, Thank you for coffee on Tuesdays and all the support you guys show me with every release. I hope that you all enjoy the new style ;)
To the people at home, Monique and Winnie and everyone in our little household that tolerates my crazy, reminds me to eat and helps make sure I have the time and space to write, thank you. I’d be dead or dehydrated without you <3
To the bloggers, PR teams and book-pimpers all over the interwebz thank you for supporting and sharing my books with the world. You guys rock!
Lydia from HEA and Kellie Montgomery from Eye Candy Promotions, for being PR guru’s to this disorganized sometimes crazy author. As always it’s an absolute pleasure to trust you ladies with my work.
My readers, old and new. Without you my stories would have no home, you are the reason I keep going. Thank you, each and every one of you.
About the Author