“You’re—you’re giving up everything?”
Lidon barked a harsh laugh and shook his head, as if Osopa had disappointed him. “I’ve received the greatest gift a man can ask for—a Matara who returns my adoration. I’m giving up nothing to have everything.” When Osopa continued to gape at him, he shrugged. “You’re young and still discovering your true purpose. Many men your age think that means their job.”
“If not career, then what?”
The corner of Lidon’s mouth turned up. “Indeed. That is the question to ask. No one else can tell you the direction your path goes. It’s your task to find out.”
Osopa had the feeling the conversation had taken a left turn, going far afield of where he wanted it to be. “Tina needs me. But I don’t know who I am except what I’ve built for myself. And what I hope to make of myself.”
“What do you hope to make of yourself?”
“A fleet officer like you and the captain. A warrior others look up to. A leader.”
“That’s a start, but what’s next after you accomplish that?”
“I don’t understand.”
“What remains when you at last stand on the bridge of your vessel, as either weapons commander or captain? What happens afterward, once you have thousands of enemy kills to your credit? When you have all the rank and success you sought?”
Osopa couldn’t summon an answer to that. “I’m not sure.”
“No? It seems worth considering. Do you drop dead at that point because there’s nothing else to do?”
“Of course not.”
“Excellent. Seems rather meaningless to me otherwise. And a waste of a worthwhile Nobek. Good night, Osopa.” Lidon turned and stepped into his quarters. The door slid shut behind him.
Osopa stared at the closed door, confused and frustrated. Lidon had acted as if he’d told him something of significance, but he’d only battered him with question after question.
What the hell just happened?
* * * *
Tina woke, noting the loss of another’s warmth. As she roused to acknowledge a new day, she wondered at herself. How did she get used to being snuggled between her clanmates so quickly? She missed feeling someone next to her.
She opened her eyes and started to see Tukui’s head and shoulders poking up from the edge of the bed. He was sitting on the floor, watching her sleep. His smile was tentative. “Good morning, my Matara.”
“Hi.”
Then she remembered. Loss hit her all over again, and she began to cry.
Tukui crept up on the bed, sitting on its edge. He tugged at her carefully. When she offered no resistance, he scooped her up in his arms. After settling her on his lap, he rocked her, stroking her hair and cooing nonsense sounds.
Tukui let her grieve. He didn’t offer useless platitudes or tell her things would be fine. He held her until she calmed and the flood of tears dwindled to a trickle.
“I’m sorry. Your people didn’t deserve what happened.”
“Not at all.” Yet Tina understood her clan wasn’t to blame. They were merely soldiers who hadn’t been given all the facts of their mission. They’d done what they were told, trusting their superiors to make the best decisions, as had the Earthers fighting them. Only those who’d started the war in the first place could be held responsible for the atrocities that had been suffered.
“I’m not mad at you,” she whispered, hoarse from the yelling she’d done the night before.
“You can be, if it helps. No one else is available to scream at, so let me have it.”
“I refuse to vent my anger on one of the three blessings left to me. You don’t deserve it, and I’m grateful you’re here.”
That brought on a fresh bout of crying. What if she lost her clan too? She couldn’t. She just couldn’t.
Maybe that was why she was eager to absolve them of guilt. If she were a stronger person, Tina would have examined her motivations more carefully. Nevertheless, she couldn’t keep from clutching close her sole source of family. Her clanmates had to be innocent, because she needed them to be. That’s all there was to it.
“I’d give anything to help you feel better,” Tukui murmured when the latest storm had passed.
“That’ll take time, I’m afraid. Where are the rest?”
“Osopa is on duty, and Yorso was called to a meeting.”
“You don’t have to work today?”
“I was excused to be with you since the others were called away.”
“What’s going on with Yorso? He’s usually able to meet on the com.”
“With the fighting over, his skills as a cultural liaison are in high demand beyond what Captain Tranis usually requires. Especially now, when there’s talk that Earth might have to be evacuated.”
Tina sat up, searching his face. “Why?”
“With so many blasts—the radiation is proving hard to contain.”
He left it at that, but Tina saw the tightness of his jaw. There was more, and she intuited that inconceivable as it was, it was worse than the blasts themselves.
“The radiation—is it bad enough that life can’t continue there?”
“I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s too much after losing your family. Maybe it’s not as grim as it seems. Maybe it can be stopped.” He looked away, exposing how unlikely that was.
The news kept getting worse. She wept again until the tears ran out.
She wished she could be angry again. It was better than the sadness that crushed her, but she didn’t have the strength to lash out. All she wanted was comfort and warmth and love.
She looked at Tukui. He returned her gaze, reflecting her feelings of desolation. She sat up, straddling his thighs. She tugged at his one-piece uniform, opening the resealable seam to expose his chest.
Tina kissed between his pectoral muscles, her lips forging a trail to the hollow of his throat before he pushed her back. He searched her face with confusion.
“Tina?”
“Hold me. Give me some hope that it’ll get better. Fuck me so I can feel something good again, something besides misery.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
He did his damnedest to obey her. If he missed kissing an inch of her, she couldn’t have pointed to where the neglect had occurred. He did the things he’d learned excited her, ripping a towel into strips to tie her helpless to the bed. He mauled her breasts, the stubble on his chin abrading her pale flesh before sinking his fangs into each mound. He injected his venom until sorrow retreated into the distance.
Her senses soaring from the intoxicant, she moaned with every thrust of his fingers in her pussy and ass, cried out when he brushed her clit. Tukui took his time with her, stretching the play until she begged his permission to come.
“You can’t until I say so, can you?”
“No. Please, my Dramok.”
“I’m sorry we did that to you.”
“I’m not. Please, please, say I can come now. Please!” Need clawed at her, making her fight the bonds holding her prisoner.
“Yes, my love. You may come for me.” He licked her clit, setting off the detonation.