“Why would you want to erase them?” he asked and cocked his head to one side. Reaching up, he pushed a wet strand of hair from my forehead. “They taught you so much. You’re stronger because of it—stronger than anyone I know. You picked yourself up off the ground and began anew. That takes more strength than you’re giving yourself credit for. I said as much last night but I’ll say it again now. You’re the face of a true survivor.”
Emotion choked me.
“Derek, I…I want to try again.”
He stilled and looked at me with cautious eyes.
“What do you mean?”
“A part of me may always be broken, I’ve accepted that, but I also know there’s life after Ethan, and I believe you’ll be a part of that life. Everything is so messed up, and there are so many unknowns, but if there’s one thing I can be sure of, it’s you. I want to be with you. I can do this. I just need you to remember my limitations—not from behind and no hands near my throat, okay?”
He reached for me and pulled me against his body. His hold was steadfast, pinning me to his torso, eyes never once wavering from mine. My cheeks flushed crimson, and his striking hazel eyes darkened. I felt my heart rate accelerate even faster as I returned his gaze. I couldn’t think beyond this mesmerizing moment. He was so close, his broad, wide palm pressed against the small of my back while the other cupped my chin. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed deeply.
“Sparky, I need to make sure I understand you correctly. Are you saying you want to try having sex again?” His words were slow and deliberate.
“Yes,” I whispered and brought my hands up to his chest. His shoulders were solid beneath the thin cotton of his t-shirt and I longed to touch his flesh.
“You don’t need to prove anything to me. I can wait. Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?”
I smiled softly. He was almost too perfect—a boy scout in every sense of the word—always more concerned with my well-being than anything else.
“I’m sure.”
I tucked my head down and stepped back, hiding from the scorching heat of his gaze. Without another word, I began to open the towel.
“Wait,” Derek said, stopping me by placing his hands over mine. “Hold that thought.”
Moving faster than I’d ever seen him move, he ran to the side of the bed to where Maisie was still chewing on her toy, scooped her up, and left the room. I heard the sound of a zipper and I could only assume he had put her in her crate in the living room. When he returned, I started laughing.
“Don’t want an audience?” I teased.
“Not particularly. Now… where were we?”
His eyes were dark and full of promise. My heart pummeled me from the inside, rattling against my ribs. Bringing my hands back to the edges of the towel, I didn’t hesitate as I let it slip from my body. The morning sunlight, filtered by the curtains that were drawn closed, suddenly seemed brighter than it had a moment before. The light made me feel exposed in ways I hadn’t considered the previous night. In this light, he’d be able to see the imperfections on my body—the scars marking the evidence of former injuries, each one telling a story of where I’d been.
“Derek, let me—” I began, feeling the need to explain the marks.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on,” he interrupted as his eyes traveled down every inch of me. His large hands reached out to splay over my hips and wrap around to my lower back. His touch was reverent as he pulled me close and allowed me to take the lead. Stepping backward, I guided us to the bed. The fabric of jeans brushed against the bare skin of my thighs as we lowered to the mattress. Propped up on one elbow, he used one hand to cup my face while the other journeyed south to grab my thigh and loop my leg around his hips.
“Sparky, I don’t want you to be afraid,” he murmured against my lips. “I might unknowingly do something wrong but I don’t want it to spook you. I would never intentionally hurt you. So please, tell me again. Are you one hundred percent sure you’re ready for this?”
Any reservations I may have had fell away at his words.
“I want you, Derek. All of you.”
With a slight nudge to his shoulder, I coaxed him onto his back and straddled his legs. Slowly, I pulled his jeans down his thighs and exposed his growing length.
“What are you doing? You don’t have to do th—” he began to protest.
“Shhh… I want to.”
Not wanting to give in to a single moment of hesitation, I leaned down and ran my tongue around the smooth crown of his erection.
“Holy mother…” he groaned, giving me encouragement to take in a little more of him. I wrapped my lips around his head, circling my tongue around the tip. Opening my mouth wider, I took more of him inside. He was thick and soft on my tongue as I sucked, his ridges sliding back and forth over my lips.
He reached around and entwined both of his hands in my hair, thrusting himself deeper and forcing a steady rhythm. For a split second, I froze. Images of Ethan and the sick gratification he’d get out of forcing his cock into my mouth flashed in my mind. I glanced up at Derek’s face, desperately needing to remember that the hands tangled in my hair were not the hands of a monster.
When my eyes met his, I saw nothing but pleasure and awe as he watched my mouth slide over his sleek shaft. His fingers moved to tenderly push my hair out of my face. This man wasn’t a monster, but someone who was kind and gentle—someone who cherished me.
Suddenly filled with an overwhelming desire to please him, I opened my throat to further accept him, sucking and twisting my tongue around him. I pushed my head forward, taking him deep with my swallow, and held him there. I pulled back and did it again, but this time I adjusted my throat to take him even deeper.
“Shit! Gianna, stop!” he hissed, pulling back. His breathing was ragged, coming out in short successions. “I need to be able to last for you.”
Without warning, he rolled until I was on my back. His mouth came down on mine, his tongue plunging deep as my hips reflexively rocked into him.
“Oh, God. Derek, I need you more than you know. I need this. Make me feel whole again.”
He answered with a groan and worked his way down my neck. His teeth grazed over my nipples, nipping and suckling on the hardened peeks until I thought I might combust from the pleasure. Moving down my body, his tongue traced small circles over and around my belly button. His fingers lingered on a scar on my side, evidence of where a hard boot had once connected with tender flesh. I tensed briefly but relaxed when he reverently kissed the area as if he was trying to kiss my horrors away.
“Mother of God, you’re gorgeous. The things I want to do to you… the things I want to make you feel…” Moving his lips, he placed open-mouthed kisses over my hips and the top of my thighs. “Open your legs. I want to see you… all of you.”
After a brief moment of hesitation, I dropped my knees apart. He took them in each hand and raised them up, so I was completely exposed to him, staring hungrily for what seemed like an embarrassingly long while before moving down to position his head between my legs. His hands slowly slid over my legs, spreading my thighs impossibly wider before coming to rest just inches from my throbbing clit. Parting my folds with two fingers, he exposed the throbbing nub of desire. Drenched, I arched my back up in longing.