“No, I am not!”
“You are,” Gray told him firmly. “Either that or you go back to your apartment and I hire the most unattractive nurses I can find to take care of you. Your choice.”
Benjamin glowered at him. “Go away and let me get some rest.”
“I will be back later.” Gray told him with a grin.
*****
“Mama?”
“Shelby, how are you?”
“I am well and you?”
“I am blessed, thank the good Lord.” She hesitated. “How are you feeling?”
“Not bad. The morning sickness comes and goes. How was your holiday?”
“Very good. We had a series of prayer meetings and went out to give food to some homeless people.” She hesitated again. “I have been talking to Pastor and he said we should make amends.”
“Make amends? I did nothing to make amends for. What are you talking about Mama?”
“It means that I want us to try and work it out. I have to try and accept your type of lifestyle. Getting pregnant without a wedding ring on your finger and living in sin with a man- “
“Are you making amends right now?” Shelby interrupted her dryly. “Mama, I do not want you to do anything you do not feel comfortable doing. I am fine with my life and it is my life. It is up to you if you want to accept it or not.”
“Doesn’t he think you are good enough to put a wedding ring on your finger?” She demanded.
“I do not want to get married to a man because I happen to be carrying his children.” She said firmly. “Mama, I have work to do so if you have called me to reprimand me again over something, I have no regret doing, you are wasting your time and mine.”
“I know you think that I was not a good mother- “
“I never said that.”
“You think it though. Do you have any idea how hard it was to bring up a child all by myself? It was pretty darn hard, and I did the best I could. But you probably do not appreciate that. You probably blame me for everything that went wrong in your life. I took you to church and made sure that you had the teachings of the good Bible to guide you through life. I did it with the help of the Lord and I think I did a very good job, even if you do not believe that.”
“What do you want me to say Mama? That you deserve a medal for every single night you dragged me to services even when I had homework to do? That I would sit on those hard benches while you were there in prayer every single night? That I was not allowed to go anywhere except over to Monica’s or Barbara’s homes? That I had no social life except for the one you picked out for me? Do you want me to thank you for that? I am sorry but I cannot do that. Because it had to take your pastor to tell you to make amends with me. This is not something that I can accept. Come back to me when it is you who is talking. Goodbye Mama.”
She hung up the phone and closed her eyes wearily, hoping that she would not call back. She could not deal with her right now. She was feeling lousy. Her stomach was queasy, and she didn’t get enough sleep. The Christmas holiday was over, and sales of her designs had gone very well- so well in fact that she was being asked to supply more. On top of that, she had been asked to design an entire wedding party outfits, both males and females and the wedding party comprised of fourteen people in total. She was tired and sick all the time and needed at least a week worth of sleep. She placed her hands over the bulge of her stomach and felt the babies move inside her. She was going to be a mother! Something that she had wanted to do but had been afraid of being her mother- of exercising the same rigidity that she had over her own life. She still had fears, fears that she would mess up, but she knew that there was no chance of that. Her friends’ had told her that she was not her mother and she was starting to believe that. “I love you babies. I also promise that I will be the best mother I can possibly be, and I will be there for you, to listen to you and guide you the best way I know how. I also promise not to force you to do anything you do not feel comfortable doing.”
She jumped when her phone rang and she picked it up warily, sighing with relief when she saw who it was.
“Hi.”
“Hi, yourself. How is Ben?”
“He is almost back to normal. Almost got out of bed when I told him he was coming to stay with us for a few days.”
“I hope it is not because of me.”
“No. My uncle loves his freedom, wants to do whatever he pleases and will have to cut back on a few things from now on. He is not too happy about that.”
“When is he leaving the hospital?”
“They will run a few more tests and then he will be released. Sure, you won’t mind?”
“Gray it’s your place- “
“Don’t do that.”
“I am sorry.”
“It’s your home for as long as you want to be there.”
“Thank you.”
“There is no need to thank me. Are you okay?”
“My mother called earlier.”
“Oh. I see. How did it go?”
“She wants to make amends.”
“Isn’t that good?”
“On the advice of her pastor.” She added.
“I see. What did you tell her?”
“Can we talk about this when I get home?”
“Of course. I will be there after I go back to the hospital.”
Chapter 9
The place was dark when he got there, except for a single light in the passageway to guide his path as he opened the door. He hung up his coat and frowned at the silence. He saw her car parked just outside the doorway. He asked her time and again to park in the multi cars garage, but she ignored the request every time. He closed the door behind him and secured the alarm before heading upstairs. Her door was open, and he went into the bedroom to see her lying on the bed in complete darkness. He hoped to find her in his suite and was wondering what she was doing in hers.
“What are you doing in the dark?”
He saw her jumped as if he had scared her.
“I had a headache and thought I would ride it out in the dark.” She moved to turn on the lamp to illuminate the room. “How is your uncle?”
“Giving the female medical staff grief and getting quite a few numbers.” He walked into the room. “It’s a sight to see.”
She nodded and closed her eyes briefly.
He came and sat on the side of the bed. “The headache still there?”
“A little bit.”
“What brought it on?”
“The conversation with my mother,” she eased herself up against the pillows. “You know, I have told myself repeatedly that I am over this. I am over the horrible childhood I had. I have made my peace with the way she raised me. I am an adult. Hell! I turned twenty-nine in June and I have become this independent woman with her own business. I have my own You tube channel and it is doing terrific but one call from my mother and I am back in my room, waiting for her to come in and demand that I tell her what I read in the Bible chapter she ordered me to read. And to spend the next hour praying until my knees hurt. I told myself that I am over all that and then I would speak to her and realize that I am back to square one! Still the little girl who wished that she was someone else- “she broke off and placed her hands on her belly, smiling a little as she felt them moved. “They are moving around. We were listening to Chopin. I have mixed it up with some of my own because I am not exactly a fan of classical music. I added a little of the mellow sound of Luther, Jeffry and John Legend. “she added with a smile as she looked at him. “What’s your taste?”