I stare at his chest, replaying his words. A small shudder escapes me. I’m beginning to realize that as the sun falls, so do Livingston’s walls. He becomes the man I’ve chased after my entire life.
Weeks ago, in a dark theater, I played the write hand game with the wrong man. Which led to a kiss I couldn’t stop thinking about. And tonight, I gave him my virginity.
And now I know, I’m in love with the king of the South.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Livingston
I have experienced many things in my life, but nothing paralyzes me more than children.
Specifically, little children.
They highlight the lack of progression in my life.
When Alexandra was first born and I held her, she opened her eyes and promptly let out the loudest wail known to man. It’s as though she knew she was being held by someone who not only couldn’t feed her, but who’s happiness hinges upon people’s approval.
Only hours old and my niece knew I reeked of failure. What would my nephew see in me? My God, after war the options were endless. This morning, I shaved and made sure I wore my finest suit as though I was meeting the king. In a way, I was. I was meeting the prince, soon-to-be king to carry on the Lacroix name. And if he’s anything like Étienne, he’ll learn to execute a firm business-like handshake before he’s five, build an empire as tall as the sky before thirty, and have the perfect family before forty.
Upon entering Belgrave, the energy is alight with tangible excitement. The staff all have an extra pep in their step. I don’t have to wonder why. The beaming smile stretched across Étienne’s face is infectious. As he greets me, I find myself smiling back and embracing him. “I hear congratulations are in order.”
Étienne pulls away and gives me a blunt nod, although he smiles broadly.
“Ton bonheur m’apporte de la joie.”
My brother appears momentarily surprised. “Je vous remercie.” He gestures to the second floor. “Would you like to see him?”
“Umm … of course,” I say although it comes out more as a question.
We’re quiet as we walk up the stairs. Once we reach the second floor, Étienne looks over at me. “I’m truly surprised you’re here today.”
“Did you think I would cancel?” I ask.
“That’s exactly what I thought would happen.”
“Well, I would never miss the chance to see the newest addition to the Lacroix family,” I reply when, in fact, that was precisely the case. I was informed of my nephew’s birth the moment he was born. And I used every excuse I possibly could until the excuse well ran dry.
Once we reach Serene’s private quarters, I pause in front of the closed door. “Are you sure it’s proper for me to go in there?”
“The baby was born yesterday morning. Serene’s been restin’. She’s in good spirits if that’s what concerns you.”
No, that’s not what concerns me. Nonetheless, I dip my head as if that’s the direction of my thoughts.
“I just want to make certain mother and baby are comfortable.”
“Trust me, mother is the most comfortable she’s been for the past nine months,” Étienne replies wryly and then opens the door.
Étienne walks in front of me and lightly knocks on the wall as we step into the room. “There is a visitor for you.”
Serene is sitting up in bed, holding my nephew. Her hair is pulled back, and she’s wearing a nightgown with a dressing gown over it. She looks exhausted, but there’s a radiance about her.
“Hello,” Serene whispers so lightly I can barely make out the greeting.
I clear my throat and shift from foot to foot. “Good afternoon.”
Serene rolls her eyes and gestures with her free hand for me to come closer. “I thought you got lost on your way here,” she says as I kiss her cheek.
“Nonsense. I’ve had some business that needed attendin’ to,” I say with a grin.
Serene’s eyes twinkle. “Oh, I bet you did,” she replies smartly, as though she knew exactly where I’d been last night.
Impossible. Unless … she’d spoken to Rainey. Had I narrowly missed Rainey today?
I shake my head of all thoughts of Rainey, and with my hands behind my back, I lean my body forward and peer closely at my nephew. Thankfully, his eyes are closed. No inspection from a newborn.
“Livingston,” Serene whispers, her eyes never leaving her son’s face. “I’d like you to meet your nephew, Julian Trace Lacroix.”
The baby squirms. His face scrunches and turns red. I can’t tell if he’s soiling himself or is preparing to cry. But thankfully, all he does is yawn with one of his tiny hands curling into the tiniest fist and resting out of his swaddled blanket. I breathe a sigh of relief. I remember Alex’s cries as a baby. She was capable of breaking the windows at Belgrave if she tried hard enough.
“Hello Julian Trace, you’re quite strappin’.” I carefully scan his small face. Overall, he looks quite similar to Alex when she was an infant. “Lacroix chin and frown. You have your mother’s nose, thank God.”
Étienne snorts.
“I cannot tell, but I presume you have blue eyes?”
“Gray,” Serene inserts.
“Gray. Gray eyes,” I quickly correct. “Which is unexpected, but perhaps they’ll change.” I pause momentarily and nod. “You will do, good sir.”
Étienne steps forward. “My God, Livingston. He’s an infant, not an elderly man.”
“I will not do that cooin’ and awwin’ you and Serene do.”
“I’ve done no such thing,” Étienne fiercely protests.
“You do,” I say.
At the same time, Serene says, “You really do.”
“Would you like to hold Julian?” Serene asks, holding the small bundle out to me.
For seconds, my eyes move back and forth between Serene and my nephew as though he’s a bomb that could explode at any moment.
“Right now?”
“We went through this with Alex.” Serene laughs.
“I know, and I’m not entirely certain she’s not an adult trapped in a child’s body. The words that she says … I’m concerned.”
Serene shakes her head. “It could be because she spends time with you.”
I give that theory some thought and shake my head. “No, that’s all Alex. I wish you the best of luck as she grows into a young adult.”
“I refuse to think about any of my kids growing,” Serene says as she stares down at the baby. “Not right now.”
Even though I just arrived, I begin to think of a reasonable justification to take my leave. Étienne chooses that moment to take his son from Serene and place him in my arms. “Here. Hold your nephew.”
I do just that but in the most inelegant way. It’s as though I’m carrying heavy sacks of potatoes.
Serene watches me and laughs. “I can’t wait to see you with your own kid.”
“I don’t think that will happen, Considerin’ the two of you mate like rabbits, you’ll have enough children for a village.” The mere thought of being in my brother’s position, standing beside my faceless wife and staring down at our newborn baby, brings about a wave of panic inside me. There’s a fleeting moment, though, where my faceless wife suddenly has features and looks remarkably like Rainey. I become so nervous I’m going to drop the baby that I abruptly shove him into Serene’s arms. “That’s enough for now.”