“The nightmares keep getting worse,” she admitted. Gwen sat quietly waiting and then Vivienne started talking. It all seemed like a dream now, seemed so unreal. She didn’t know why she’d drunk the tequila with them or why she’d stayed. And she was so drunk when Rick forced himself on her, and it was so unexpected, that she didn’t even know how to react. She remembered someone pulling him off her. And Jamie punching Rick in the face, and then everything went black when she passed out from the tequila. The whole night was a blur now and she was sorry she’d ever been there. She’d felt dirty ever since the rape. It made her feel sick whenever she thought about it, and Rick’s face on hers.
It all sounded so banal now, and so stupid except for the rape. One night had changed all their lives forever. Vivienne wondered if she’d ever feel the same again. She told Gwen everything she remembered. It was all very disjointed. The boys had all been nice to her, except for Rick. And when she finished, Gwen knew she had told the truth. They were just kids breaking the rules and doing something stupid. It was Rick who had changed everything, for all of them, and Vivienne most of all. She felt grown up now, but not in a good way.
“I wanted to go out with Jamie, and we probably would have,” she admitted. “But Chase is so hot and so good-looking. I was flattered that he liked me. Maybe I even wanted to make Jamie a little jealous. I never even looked at Rick. I heard the others shouting at him when I passed out.” Whatever had happened, the whole dynamic had been spurred on by the tequila. It was Rick who turned it into something evil and dirty. He had a violent streak none of them had ever suspected. And she had paid the highest price of all.
“I hope he goes to prison.” She felt guilty saying it, but was honest with Gwen.
“I’m sure he will,” Gwen said quietly. “Would you sign a statement about what you told me today?” Vivienne nodded. There was no point lying anymore. They’d all been arrested. And what happened next wasn’t up to her. A judge and jury would decide.
“At first, I wondered if it was my fault, if I did something to make it happen.”
“You didn’t,” Gwen reassured her. “Alcohol makes people do stupid things, but it doesn’t turn a good guy into a rapist, and neither did you. Rick had that in him. The other boys didn’t. It was just very bad luck for you that you crossed paths with him. But you can be sure of one thing, what happened wasn’t your fault.”
“I wasn’t sure at first, but I believe that now.” Vivienne looked peaceful when she said it. She wanted to put it behind her. And it was a relief to hear Gwen say it. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth in the beginning. At first, I thought they’d come back and kill me if I told you. Then I started to feel sorry for them, and I didn’t want to ruin their lives and send them to prison. After that, for a while I believed it was my fault.”
“That’s a classic female response to rape,” Gwen said quietly, “and all of those reactions you had are normal. But the bottom line is that Rick did a very, very bad thing to another human being and committed a violent crime, and he has to be accountable for his actions. I’m sure his parents don’t want him to go to prison, or the others, and they’ve got the money to hire good lawyers for them. But in the end, none of that changes what he did to you. You did the right thing telling the truth now.” What she said also made the other boys’ actions seem more benign. Their big mistake had been lying about it afterward, and not turning Rick in. It would have been different for them now if they had. They had tried to stop Rick, it was just too late. They were watching Chase and Jamie fight and didn’t see him do it. “I have my computer in the car. If I write this up, and you look at it and agree with it, can we print it and you can sign it for me? You’ll be done with it then. You don’t have to keep running it through your head, wondering if you ‘made’ him do it. You didn’t make him do anything,” Gwen reminded her. Vivienne nodded in answer to her question.
“You can use my printer,” she said softly. She didn’t feel guilty about telling the truth now, or wrong. She didn’t feel elated, or suddenly free, but some part of her felt relieved, as though she had gotten a jagged rock off her back that had been crushing her. She couldn’t breathe whenever she thought about it, and now she could, like the boy with asthma Gwen had told her about.
Gwen was back in a few minutes, wrote it up quickly on her computer, and showed it to Vivienne.
“See if that looks right to you.” Vivienne read it, and when she did, she realized how terrible what he had done to her was.
“That’s what I said,” Vivienne said simply.
“Did I forget anything, or did you?” Vivienne shook her head. They went to her bedroom then and used her printer, and then Vivienne signed it. “Do you want me to leave a copy with you?” she asked and Vivienne shook her head. She knew the story. She didn’t need to read it again, and didn’t want to. “Thank you for doing it,” Gwen said. “It’s the right thing to do.”
“I know it is. Thank you. I’m glad I did it.”
“Something tells me you’ll sleep better tonight.” Gwen smiled at her and they walked slowly to the front door. They both knew that they had done what they were meant to do, and then Vivienne looked at her.
“Did you really come out here to see me and not on some other case?” Vivienne asked her with eyes full of innocence. Gwen didn’t like lying to the kids she worked with, especially not the victims, who had to learn to trust other humans all over again after what they’d been through. It was the ultimate abuse of trust, particularly if they were raped by someone they knew.
“Yes, I did come to see you,” she said truthfully, and Vivienne looked impressed.
“I guess it really is important.”
“It is. Very important, for you, for us, and for them. It’s another piece of the story, like a puzzle.”
Gwen hugged her before she left, and then Vivienne went to her room and lay down on the bed. She felt lighter somehow, as though a great weight had been lifted from her. She told her father about Gwen’s visit when he came home, and he looked at her seriously.
“I’m glad you did that, sweetheart. I was hoping that you would.” They’d been wanting a statement from her since it happened.
“I’m glad I did it too. It sounds like Rick is going to prison anyway, and he should.” She could see that now, and say it without remorse. And she was glad her father thought giving a statement was the right thing too. That meant a lot to her. Then he turned to her with a smile.
“I have a surprise for you. Kimberly is coming over for dinner tonight. I’ll order some Mexican food from our favorite restaurant. She’s dying to meet you.” Vivienne wasn’t sure if she was ready to meet Kimberly or not. She felt slightly disloyal to her mother doing so, but she didn’t want to disappoint her father.