Matteo shook his head with a small laugh. “No chance in hell. You won’t slip out of my hands again, Gianna. We will marry today. Nothing will stop me.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Gianna
After my lip was taken care of, Aria and I were allowed to go to my old room while the men discussed how to proceed with the wedding. Two bodyguards were ordered to keep watch on me. One waited in front of the door, the other below my window, in case I decided to climb out of it. The moment the door of my room closed I leaned against it and let out a shaky sigh.
Aria touched my cheek. “How’s your lip?”
“Okay. Matteo stitched it up for me.”
“I’m so glad he decided to marry you.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Not you too, Aria.”
Aria pulled me toward the bed and made me sit down. “Father would have given you to one of his soldiers as punishment, Gianna. And you can be sure he would have chosen the least appealing option. Someone really nasty. He’s really mad at you. Matteo isn’t a bad choice. He must care for you if he went to such great lengths to find you.”
“He’s a proud man. Pride made him pursue me, nothing else.”
“Maybe,” she said uncertainly. She picked up a brush from the nightstand. Everything was still as I’d left it six months ago. I was surprised Father hadn’t burnt all of my things. I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. It was almost seven in the evening. It would have been past midnight in Germany. I couldn’t believe how much had happened since I’d woken in Munich this morning.
“Was it worth it?” Aria asked softly as she combed my hair. I couldn’t remember the last time she’d done it. Her fingers felt good on my scalp and I had to resist the urge to burry my face against her stomach and cry.
I met her compassionate gaze, and for some reason her understanding infuriated me. “Was the chance at freedom worth pissing off Father and being called a whore and slut? Yes, absolutely. But was my silly wish for something more worth the life of an innocent guy? Then fuck no. My entire existence isn’t worth that much. Sid paid the ultimate price for my selfishness. There is nothing I can do to redeem myself.” Tears sprang into my eyes.
“Luca told me,” Aria said. “I’m so sorry.”
I brushed the tears off my face. “Maybe I should let Father marry me off to one of his sadist soldiers. It would serve me right.”
“Don’t say that, Gianna. You deserve happiness as much as anyone. You couldn’t have known what would happen. It’s not your fault that they killed Sid.”
“How can you even say that? Of course it’s my fault. I knew who was hunting me. I knew what Matteo and Father’s men were capable off. I knew I was putting anyone whom I let close at risk. That’s why I never dated any guys in all the other places I stayed. I flirted and kissed, but then I moved on. Your words from long ago always echoed in my mind. That being with another guy when you’re engaged to a man like Luca would mean that guy’s death.”
“I wasn’t talking about you. That’s been a long time ago.”
“But Matteo is just like Luca and I knew that. I knew that he’d kill any guy he would find with me, but I still went out with Sid. I might as well have pulled the trigger myself!”
“No. You didn’t think he’d catch you. You wanted to feel at home and start a new life like you deserved after being on the run for so long. You felt safe and wanted to give love a chance. That’s okay.”
“No. No, it isn’t. You don’t get it, Aria. It wasn’t even about love. I didn’t even really have a crush on Sid. I didn’t even like him all that much at the end because he could be a jerk, and that makes it even worse. I risked too much for sloppy kisses and awkward groping, and Sid died because of it.”
“Please don’t blame yourself. Blame Father and his men. Blame Matteo. I don’t care, but don’t blame yourself.”
“Oh, I’m blaming all of them, don’t worry, but that doesn’t change that, without me, Sid would still be playing his crappy guitar and flirting with Munich girls.”
“You can’t change the past, Gianna, but you can make the best of your future.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “I missed your optimism.” I rested my head in her lap and closed my eyes. “I missed you so much.”
She stroked my hair. “I missed you too. I’m so happy that you’ll live in New York with me.”
“First I have to marry Matteo. How am I going to be a wife, Aria?”
“He and Luca work a lot. You won’t have to see him very often.”
“But still. I’ll have to sleep with him and share a bed with him and try to be civil to him for God knows how long. It’s not like he’ll give me another chance to run.”
“You’re thinking about running again?” she asked in a small voice.
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Maybe it won’t be as bad as you think. Matteo can be funny and he’s good-looking, so on a physical level at least it shouldn’t be too bad. I’m sure he’s a good lover considering how many girls he’s had in the past.”
I cringed. “Right. If we return to New York tonight, he’ll probably expect to sleep with me.”
Aria searched my face. “Are you worried he’ll let his anger out on you for sleeping with other guys before him?”
“I never did.”
Aria blinked. “You never did what?”
“I never slept with any guy. I would have if I’d had a bit more time to get to know a guy but that was never the case.”
“Why didn’t you say anything? Father treated you horribly. Maybe he would forgive you if you told him the truth.” She moved as if she wanted to head downstairs to tell him herself, but I pulled her back down on the bed.
“Don’t,” I said firmly. “I don’t want anyone to know. I don’t care if they call me a slut. I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing.”
Aria gave me a look that made it clear she thought I’d lost my mind. “You have to tell Matteo at least. You have to.”
“Why? So he can pride himself on being my first? Fuck no. He’s already acting like he’s my savior. It’ll be only worse if he finds out.”
“No, you have to tell him so he can be careful.”
I snorted. “I don’t need him to be careful. I don’t want him to know.”
“Gianna, if your first time is anything like mine you’ll be thanking your lucky stars if Matteo is careful, trust me.”
“I’ll survive.” But Aria’s words were starting to make me nervous.
“That’s ridiculous. If he thinks you’re experienced, he might take you without much preparation. That’ll really hurt.”
I shook my head. “Aria, please. I’ve made my decision. I don’t want Matteo to know. It’s none of his business.”
“What if he finds out anyway? There would have been no way I could have hidden it from Luca.”
“I’m good at hiding pain. Maybe I’ll bite into a pillow.”