Matteo shook his head. “Oh, I will fuck you, don’t worry.” He crashed his lips down on mine and I kissed him back just as fiercely. “Feel, don’t think” became my mantra. His hands roamed my body until they found their way between my legs. I forced myself to relax despite my nerves. When his fingers brushed over my folds, I gasped against his lips. The sensations were delicious. His thumb found my bundle of nerves and started rubbing. Two of his fingers slid back and forth the length of my slit while his thumb pressed down on my clit. Maybe my mind didn’t want Matteo, but my body was so eager for him it was ridiculous.
My toes curled as he drove me higher with his fingers. I gripped his neck, bringing him even closer, wrangling his tongue with mine, as my orgasm crashed down on me. My nails dug into his skin but that seemed to turn him on even more judging from the growl deep in his chest. Suddenly two of his fingers moved lower and brushed my opening. Fear spiked. Clamping my legs together, I shoved at his chest and wrenched my lips away from his.
“Stop with the foreplay,” I said breathlessly. What if he could feel something with his fingers? I doubted his cock would be as sensitive as his fingertips.
The hint of a frown crossed Matteo’s expression but then he slid off the bed with a wicked grin. He stood tall in front of the bed. The bulge in his pants was unmistakable. He didn’t give me much time to wonder what lay below the fabric. His hands made quick work out of unbuttoning his shirt and then he slid it off his strong shoulders and let it drop to the ground. This was the first time I saw him without a shirt. I’d caught glimpses of his six-pack through his white shirt before but it couldn’t compare to seeing him bare-chested. My core tightened with desire. Even if Matteo’s personality grated on my nerves, my body definitely reacted to his looks. His hands moved on to his pants, and in one swift motion he dropped both his pants and his boxers on the ground. When he straightened, it took all my acting skills to mask my embarrassment and nerves at the sight of him fully erect.
I really should have listened to Aria, but even as the thought crossed my mind I knew I was too proud to tell Matteo the truth. My eyes took their time taking in every inch of him, not even caring that he smirked at my obvious admiration.
And, boy, was he gorgeous. Everything about him was, his chiseled chest and six-pack, even his cock. I hated him for it. Hated how my body reacted to him so quickly and easily when it had never reacted to Sid or the other guys I’d made out with. He advanced on the bed, every move lithe and calculated. Every move aimed to show off his muscles and strength. God, I wished it wasn’t making an impression on me. He put one knee on the bed, fixing me with a gaze that made me shiver.
“Stop playing around,” I hissed because my nerves were getting the better of me and that was the last thing I needed.
And he did as I asked. He moved onto the bed and climbed between my legs, grabbing my hips with a dark smile. “I’m going to make you forget every fucking guy you’ve ever been with.”
I glared, and was about to give him a nasty comeback, when he pulled at my hips sharply and slammed into me in one hard thrust. I arched up with a cry as pain shot through me. Damn it. Aria hadn’t been kidding. This was fucking painful. So much for keeping it a secret. I sucked in a few quick breaths through my nose, my eyes clenched shut. “Oh fuck,” I gasped out when I could speak again. This was much worse than I’d thought. I opened my eyes slowly, dreading what I would see. I should have bitten into a fucking pillow, or even my stupid tongue.
Matteo had frozen above me as he stared down at me in surprise. “Gianna?”
My face turned hot. “Shut up,” I muttered. I loosened my fingers, which had clawed at the bedsheet.
Matteo’s eyes were soft. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I decided to play dumb. Maybe I could convince him this wasn’t what it looked like. “Tell you what?”
A sly grin twisted his lips, and I wanted nothing more than to wipe it off his face. Of course he didn’t buy my lie. He wasn’t an idiot. He was a master manipulator and I obviously had a lot to learn before I could trick him.
“That I’m your first,” he said. Did he have to sound so…relieved and proud?
If I hadn’t been worried that getting his cock out of me would hurt as much as getting it inside had, I would have shoved him away. Lying beneath him made a fair argument difficult.
I narrowed my eyes. “I thought we were going to fuck? I’m tired of talking to you.”
Matteo braced himself on his hands, bringing us closer. I tensed at the twinge the movement caused.
“First I want you to answer my question. Why? You could have spared yourself a lot of pain, if you’d told me,” he said calmly. He looked like this was the easiest thing in the world for him, being buried deep inside of me, and having a chat.
When it became clear that he would wait until I gave him what he wanted, I said, “Because I didn’t want you to know.”
His grin got even cockier. “Because you didn’t want to admit that you waited for me.”
“I didn’t wait for you. Now stop talking and fuck me, damn it.” This was getting too personal, and I hated how vulnerable I was, naked inside and out. How was I supposed to stop feeling if Matteo kept asking me things I didn’t want to think about?
Matteo didn’t take his eyes off me. They were dark and possessive, and seemed to stare right through me. If it hadn’t felt like a defeat, I would have looked away. He pulled out slowly before sliding back in and I tensed from the pain. My body was a horrible traitor. At least, I managed to hold back a gasp this time. Matteo moved slowly and carefully, his muscles flexing with every thrust.
I hated that he was being considerate. I hated that he wasn’t acting like a total asshole, hated that hating him wasn’t as easy as I’d thought. If he wasn’t an asshole, then somehow Sid’s death was even more my fault, because my running away was unnecessary and selfish and unfounded.
I gripped his shoulders. “Stop holding back.”
Matteo’s brows drew together but he still didn’t move faster.
I dug my fingers into his skin and jerked my hips despite the soreness between my legs. “Stop holding back!”
This time he listened. His eyes flashed and then he slammed into me harder and faster. I closed my eyes as I held onto his shoulders. I probably left marks with my nails. I didn’t care and Matteo didn’t seem to mind if his quick breathing was any indication.
The pain felt good, gave me something to focus on beyond the crushing guilt. But there wasn’t only pain. Soon the stretched feeling turned into an exquisite pressure, a low hum of pleasure I’d never felt before. Matteo lowered himself, changing the angle in which he pushed into me, hitting an amazing spot deep inside me. Matteo’s mouth found my throat and then he bit down on my skin lightly. A moan slipped out of my lips. My eyes shot open, meeting Matteo’s intense gaze. I couldn’t look away. I wanted to pull him closer and push him away at the same time, wanted to hide and open up to him, wanted and not wanted. “Are you going to come?” Matteo rasped.
I shook my head “no,” not trusting my voice. Maybe I could have come. It felt increasingly good, but I needed to bring space between Matteo and me, needed time to get a handle on my emotions before they overwhelmed me. I was confused and tired and sad.