He nods, his hands pushing my jeans down my legs.
“I want to hear you say it.”
He wets his lips like this lie won’t come easy. “This doesn’t mean anything,” he repeats, tossing my jeans into the floor.
I reach for him and pull his mouth back to mine. Now that it’s settled, I can enjoy this. It’s been entirely way too long. I feel a ping of guilt when I think about Paul, so I push him from my brain completely. I mean, is it really cheating if you’ve never even met the guy? After all, he may not even be real. I’m so lost in my thoughts that I’m suddenly brought back by the crinkling of a foil wrapper. I look up to find him rolling the condom over his impressive length. At seventeen, I was inexperienced and just thought that was the average size. But now I’m older and have been with men who pack less. My mouth waters as he brings his lips back to mine, the head of his cock sliding between my folds. I lift and lower my hips, enjoying the sensation of him sliding against me.
“In a hurry, Jay?” he whispers, lowering his hand between us to place himself at my entrance.
“Shut up and fuck me, Memphis,” I whisper, pulling his mouth to mine. He pushes into me, filling me in ways I haven’t been filled in years. It’s like his body was made for mine. Every inch of him fits every inch of me perfectly. We’re like a finely made puzzle, neither of us whole without the other.
Eight
Memphis
I know she says this doesn’t mean anything, but I’m desperate to prove her wrong. I’ve ran from her for almost ten years. I’ve come to learn that running does no good when you’re made into a pair like we were. Being here with her, getting to touch her and feel her, it fills me with excitement, nervousness, and fear. I don’t want this to end. I don’t want to watch that curtain she hangs in front of her real self come back down. I don’t want to watch the cold take over her face as she tells me to leave. I’ll do anything for just one more minute with her.
Her hands are like fire as they roam my body, scorching me. She may as well be branding me because I belong to her and have for years. With each thrust, I’m only losing time with her. Each thrust is one more second to this being over and one minute closer to her pushing me away. I can feel my release rising. I’m teetering along the edge of it. Instead of giving into the powerful sensation that’s overtaking my body, I roll onto my back, bringing her with me.
She places her hands on my chest as she grinds against me. I watch her breasts as they bounce, squeeze her ass as she gains speed, but I can’t look away from her face. Her eyes are closed with her long, dark lashes fanned out across her cheeks. Her plump, pink lips are parted, and her brows are pulled together in concentration as she works to achieve her release. She’s fucking beautiful. Breathtaking.
I feel her muscles begin to tense around me as her panting and whimpers become louder. My hands fall to her hips, gripping her and rocking her against me faster, harder until she falls from the edge she’s dancing along. When her body goes limp and she slows against me, I roll us onto her back and pound into her with determination. Watching her ride me has me harder than I’ve ever been. I can’t hold off any longer, no matter how long I want this to last.
I pump into her until she’s screaming my name beneath me. My release rises to the surface and bubbles over. My thrust become more erratic as I spill every last drop. I rest my head against the pillow between her head and shoulder, trying to calm my breathing and rapid heartbeat. She squeezes me, holding me tight as we both calm our bodies together. When I feel like I have control again, I pull out of her and roll to her side, removing the condom and dropping it into the trash can beside the bed.
I’m not sure what to do or say now, so the two of us just lie flat on the bed, staring up at the ceiling tiles. Should I get up and leave, or would she think I was just taking what I wanted and running? Should I stay, or would that mean that I didn’t mean the words I agreed to earlier? My head is a mess of confusion. I take my chances and look over at her. I can see the same confusion written all over her face. I lift my hand and smooth away the worry line between her brows, and she looks over at me.
“Do you want me to go?” I ask quietly, fearing her answer.
“I don’t know what I want anymore,” she breathes out, rolling to her side to face me. “What do you want?”
I shrug. I know what I want, but if I say it, it means I’m taking back those words I had to force out earlier. “I want whatever you want.”
She scoffs. “That’s a cop-out if I ever heard one.” She sits up to climb over me, but I grab her wrist and stop her, pulling her back down to the bed. I roll to my side, hovering over her.
“I want you, Jade. I have since the first time I laid eyes on you. I wanted you even when I left you. And I want you now. I don’t want to walk away from you not knowing if you’ll ever talk to me again. I want…” I let out a long breath. “I want us.”
She watches me intently as I tell her what I’m thinking, but fear fills her eyes. “I don’t know if I can do this, Memphis.” She shakes her head as tears fill her eyes. “You hurt me. You hurt me like nobody has ever hurt me.”
“I know.” I nod as I rest my elbows on my knees. There are so many things I could say to her right now. I could tell her how we’re made for each other. I could say that there’s a reason we’re still in love with one another, despite all the time that’s passed. But I don’t say any of it. It’s more important that she realizes it on her own, the way I have. I know I left and ran, but I’m not running anymore because I now know that it does no good. You can run from a person, but you can’t run from the feelings you have for that person. Now, all I can do is wait. And I will wait as long as it takes.
I bend over and grab my things, pulling my pants on as she stands, wrapped in a sheet in the corner. I don’t bother putting on my shirt or shoes. I just keep them in my hands as I walk over to her and press a kiss to her head. “I’ll give you space, Jade. But I’m not going anywhere.”
I take my things and walk through her apartment and to my car. I toss my shoes into the passenger side seat and pull my shirt on before climbing behind the wheel. Instead of going home, I swing by the garage and find Dad hard at work on a Dodge. The hood is lifted, and he’s bent over the front. He’s concentrating so hard, he doesn’t even hear me walk in.
“What’s up, Pops?”
He jumps. “Where you been?” he asks when he recovers.
“I was over at Jade’s. She needed help hanging some pictures and painting the bathroom ceiling.”
“I’m surprised she let you in after the shit you told me.”
“Me too.” I laugh out. “I think she’s confused about it all.”
He lifts his brow, his way of asking what I’m talking about.
“She’s torn. She still loves me. I can see it every time she looks at me, but she’s afraid of those feelings because of our past.”
“Can you blame her?” he asks, not bothering to look away from the engine.
“No, but I’m going to prove to her that I’ve changed. I’m not the same eighteen-year-old guy that broke her heart.”