He nods. “Good.”
“We had sex…tonight,” I admit.
He shakes his head. “What in the hell is wrong with you, boy?”
I laugh. “It wasn’t planned. I think we both just got a little too close. One thing led to another and then it was over, and we were both left feeling awkward.”
He laughs. “Yeah, sex with your ex can do that.”
I let out a long breath and run my hands over my head. “I keep screwing up with her, Dad. I don’t know how to fix the shit I broke. It just feels like I keep making things worse.”
He looks up at me, resting his forearms on the truck. “That’s exactly how things felt with your mom too.”
“What do you mean? How’d you screw that up? And whatever you did, you didn’t do too badly. You guys ended up married and having me.”
“Back in the day, I was just a dumbass kid—a lot like you.” He laughs. “I was in college, and I wasn’t taking anything seriously. I was just partying and having fun with my friends, no sense of responsibility or idea of what being an adult meant. Anyway, I went to this frat party, and I got hammered. Through the drunken haze, I saw the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen in my life. She had the longest blonde curls I’d ever seen, and they framed her face like an angel. I knew I had to get to know this girl. So I went over and we hit things off. I took her up to a bedroom, and you know…Anyway, the next morning, she was gone. I didn’t know where she lived, what her phone number was, or anything. I only had her first name: Julia.”
I smile when I hear mom’s name.
“Time passes, and I don’t see this girl anywhere. She isn’t on campus, she isn’t at anymore parties. She’s just gone. So, I forget all about her, telling myself that it wasn’t meant to be or that maybe she wasn’t even real, with how drunk I was. I finish out my freshmen year and take off for the summer. I spent three months traveling with my friends, partying every night, and while we were camping, I found a girl who lived in the same town I was living in. She wasn’t going to the same college, but she was at least in town. I started something up with her, and we dated the rest of the summer and well into my sophomore year. Then about halfway through my second year of college, I bumped into your mom. I thought I was seeing things. Come to find out, when we’d met and hooked up, she wasn’t even in college yet. She was still a senior in high school, which is why I hadn’t seen her around, and she was pissed that I had slept with her, took her virginity, and didn’t call.”
“How were you supposed to call if she didn’t give you her number?” I ask, entertained by the story. I’d never heard it before. All I knew was that my parents met in college.
“But she had. When she woke up the next morning, she wrote it down and left it on the bedside table, but I woke up so hungover that I didn’t even notice it. Anyway, I explained, but she didn’t want to hear it. And even though I was in a relationship, I still couldn’t forget about your mom.”
“So you dumped the other girl and worked your way back into Mom’s heart, huh?”
He laughs. “No. I didn’t want to risk the chance that your mom wouldn’t take me back. So I kept dating the other girl while I worked things out with your mom.”
“You made Mom the other woman?” I ask, blown away.
He presses his mouth into a thin line and nods. “I thought it’d be okay. I knew I wanted to be with your mom, and I wasn’t cheating on her, so…”
I shake my head. “Does Mom know?”
“She does. It all blew up in my face, of course. Look, all I’m saying is that you come from a long line of men who find the love of their life and end up making more mistakes than you do right turns. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. It doesn’t matter how much you fuck up.”
I nod, understanding. “So what do you think I should do now?”
He laughs. “I just told you how badly I fucked up and you’re still asking me for advice?” He shakes his head.
“Good point.” I stand up and get to work, making a plan in my mind. I feel like more than anything, Jade needs time. Time to think about us. Time to think about our past and if she can see a future with me. I won’t go to her. That’ll only confuse her more. I’ll stay right here and let her come to me when she’s ready. But most importantly, I won’t run. Not anymore.
Nine
Jade
I stand back and watch him walk away from me with his shirt and shoes in hand. He doesn’t seem mad. He seems upset. I wish I could be sure of his intentions, but the last time I thought I was, he up and left me alone and heartbroken. I haven’t dared to love anyone since. Sure, I’ve dated and had a few quick romances, but I always held back. I was too afraid of giving myself to anyone. I knew that if I did, they had the power to hurt me.
I never even seriously considered dating anyone until Paul. And maybe I only thought about that because I knew it couldn’t go anywhere, with us in separate parts of the world. I’ve been setting myself up for failure and didn’t even know it. But Memphis… here’s something about him that I can’t ignore or push away. It’s clear we still have chemistry and more unfinished business than I can think about.
I plop down on the couch and open my computer.
Jade: I want to make a plan to meet.
I wait, but there’s no response. I wait and wait, but no response ever comes. I set the computer down on the coffee table but leave it open so I’ll be alerted when/if he does reply. The rest of the day is spent watching TV, playing with Noodle, and drinking more wine than I should. By the time my head hits the pillow, I’ve forgotten all about sleeping with my ex-boyfriend and not being able to talk to my internet boyfriend.
In the morning, I wake, hungover and tired. My head is pounding and my ears are ringing. When I stand from my bed to go to the bathroom, I’m dizzy but force myself to push through. After a long hot shower, I emerge feeling much more human.
I wrap a towel around myself and then wind my hair up with another so it doesn’t drip down my back. As I’m walking back to my room, there’s a knock on the door.
“Shit,” I mumble to myself as I walk toward the door and peek into the peephole. I don’t see anyone standing in front of my door. “Who’s there?”
Nothing. I unlock it and open it slightly, trying my best to hold my body back so I don’t flash anyone when my towel inevitably falls. Nobody is at my door. Before I close it, my eyes fall to the sidewalk. Sitting in front of my door is a cup of coffee and a bag that probably holds my favorite blueberry muffin. I smile to myself as I bend down and pick up the items. I take everything back to the couch and open the bag. Sitting in the bottom is a perfectly golden-brown blueberry muffin. I pick up the cup and take a sip, noticing a small note written on the side with marker.
Jade,
I’m not running. Come find me when you’re ready.
Memphis
I let out a sigh and take another sip. I sit back and enjoy my coffee and muffin before forcing myself to get up and get ready for the day.
I meet Pearl at The Place for lunch. She’s already sitting at a booth when I arrive. As soon as she sees me, she stands up and pulls me against her for a hug.