I feel too amped up to go to sleep. I need answers. I mean, what was that kiss? Did he mean to kiss me like that, or had he just had a little too much to drink? Does he like me? Does he want to start something up? If he wants to, would I go through with it, even though I know it’s wrong? I need answers.
I stand up and grab my keys, heading straight for the car. I drive down the mountain just a bit until I find the place that’s been on the market for months. His truck is in the drive, so I know this must be it. I park the car, turn it off, and head for the front door.
I knock loudly on the wooden screen door, but nobody answers. Maybe this is a mistake. Maybe I shouldn’t have come. But I have to know. I have to tell him it was a mistake, that it was wrong. That we both need to forget what happened. We can blame it on the drinks. I mean, I was in no way close to being drunk, but I can pretend if I have to.
I’m just turning to leave when I hear the door open behind me. I spin around to find Bryce right in front of me. He’s only wearing a towel around his narrow, toned waist, and there is water beading up and rolling over his defined pecs and six-pack. I find his eyes first, but then I can’t stop myself from taking in the whole package.
My mouth is suddenly dry, and I lick my lips, really wishing I was licking the water rolling across his abs right now. I step toward him with my mouth open to tell him all the reasons why what we did was wrong, but that’s not what happens. I don’t know how I got from standing in front of him to being pressed against him with my mouth on his, but that’s where I find myself.
I’m not sure if I jumped into his arms, but I have a leg on either side of his hips, and his hands are cupping my ass as he tuns and carries me into his house. He sits down on the couch with me on top of him as both our mouths move at lightning speed. It would be so easy right now to pull his little towel away and find exactly what I’ve been searching for.
His hands massage my ass and make their way up my back. His hands tangle into my hair, pulling gently. He pulls until our lips break apart and my head tips back, exposing my throat to him. His lips move from my lips to my jaw, over to my ear, and down my neck, with his teeth lightly brushing against my skin. My entire body breaks out in goosebumps, and I find my hips rocking against him.
The moment his dick comes to life and pushes against me, his hands squeeze tighter, almost like he’s egging me on. A moan slips past my lips when I get just the right amount of pressure where I need it. While his hands move over my hips and up my sides to my breasts, his mouth moves lower down my chest to where the collar of my shirt cuts him off. His hands work the shirt up my stomach, pushing until he has it up above my breasts. His mouth moves back to my skin, kissing, licking, and nipping at the swell of my breasts. His hands kneed them, switching from a light caress to a firm squeeze. He lets out another growl that makes my stomach tighten, but then he sighs and pulls away, leaning his head back against the couch as his eyes find mine.
I’m nearly panting, my chest rising and falling as I look down at him.
“Nina,” he starts, and I know exactly what he’s going to say. He’s going to say the same thing I came here to tell him.
I let out a long breath and shake my head. “You don’t have to say it, Bryce. It’s the same thing I had on the tip of my tongue when you answered the door.” I push my shirt back down and try to get off his lap, but his hands tighten, stopping me.
I look at him once again, embarrassment washing over me. I was supposed to push him away, but I didn’t, and now he’s turning me down. I know it’s for all the right reasons, but it doesn’t stop the hurt that’s flooding my body.
“It’s not that I don’t want to, Nina. I’m very much attracted to you. I think you can obviously tell. But it’s wrong. We work together. It isn’t ethical. And I just moved here. I swore to myself that I’d do everything right this time.” He shakes his head. “But this isn’t right. You know that.”
I nod as I feel the threat of tears. “I know, and that’s exactly what I came here to say. I’m sorry this happened. It wasn’t intended.” I push myself off his lap and head toward the door. “I didn’t come here for this, you know,” I say, pausing with my hand on the latch of the screen door.
“I know.”
Without another word, I push through the door and jog to my car. I climb behind the wheel and peel out of his drive as fast as I can, needing to get away before the tears fall. I know we can’t act on our feelings, but it doesn’t stop the embarrassment of being rejected or make it go away. I know better. I should never have gone over there. I should have waited and talked to him about it at work. Then I would’ve been able to say what I needed to say without jumping on him the way I did. If I were in the office, I would’ve been able to control myself better.
I shouldn’t be blaming my lack of control on him, though. Sure, I had every intention of going there to tell him we can’t act on our feelings. But when I saw him nearly naked with water running over those hard muscles, I lost track of my thoughts. They all started blurring together, creating a tornado of yearning, need, passion, and desperation, plus the added excitement of taking something forbidden.
I walk back into my house and go directly to the shower, needing to wash this night off of me. I can still feel his strong hands on my body. I can still taste the hint of bourbon on my lips from his kiss. And my knotted-up stomach is still just as tight as it was when he pulled away from me at the side of the road.
I know what I need to do to put him behind me. I need to distract myself. After I shower, I’ll go to my computer and work on the website for the youth center. I need to do something that will require some brainpower, something that keeps my hands busy while my thoughts are able to drift. That means work. And a lot of it.
Eight
Bryce
My thoughts are filled with visions of her. The way she felt when I lost control and kissed her for the first time, how warm she was against me, how sweet she tasted. I had to shower all that off of me. I wasn’t expecting her to come knocking on my door. With all of that rolling around inside of me, when she threw herself at me, I lost it. I thought, fuck it. I’m taking what I want, and I want her. There really was no way to push her back, not when I was already as lost as I was.
But as things went further, I couldn’t ignore the doubt building in my body. She’s young, too young for a man like me. I’ve been to places, seen things. I can’t forget my past, and I won’t bring someone else into it. She’s already discovered that I was at the same bombing which killed her parents. When she finds out I wasn’t there to help them, then what? Will she hate me? Will she blame me? Or will she tell me the same thing countless other people have said about the matter: you did what you could, you did your best.
The truth is, I remember her parents. Right before the bomb went off, I looked up from the floor after being shot, and I locked eyes with her dad. He wanted to rush across the room to help me, but he was torn between helping me and leaving his wife. As unconsciousness tugged at me, he finally pulled her along with him so he could try and protect her while helping me. I remember him putting his hands across the gunshot wound in my chest and applying pressure. The pain was enough to pull me from the darkness, so I opened my eyes and saw him hovering over me. I had so many questions. Why was he helping me? Why wasn’t he trying to find a way out of here? All hell had broken loose by this point. The doors weren’t being guarded like before. My mouth opened to ask, but it was like he sensed what I was going to say. He said, “Because this world needs you.”