She lowered her fork and blinked at me a few times. “Have you lived under a rock? He’s a psychologist specializing in sex therapy. His syndicated radio show is very popular. Every night, he covers a different topic, and sexuality is always one of them. Listeners call in anonymously. It’d be a great way to get his expert advice.”
“Nope.”
“Cooper,” she said exasperatingly. “What do you have to lose?”
“A shock jock? Yeah, no way. I’m not going to call some radio doctor guy who probably got his degree on the internet, looking for answers.”
She rolled her eyes and sighed. “First of all, he’s a renowned, award-winning psychologist. Secondly, he pegged our relationship to a tee.” The shocked expression I threw at her caused a casual shrug.
“Seriously? You called a radio show about us?”
Seeing in my expression how that tidbit rubbed me the wrong way, she raised a hand. “Calm down. I was listening one night and was curious what he would say.” As though she hadn’t dropped that tiny bomb, I watched as she dived back into her salad, seemingly without a care in the world.
“Hello? And what did he say?” I prompted when she held back.
“He said you weren’t in love with me, and I needed to come to terms with that and move on.”
“Was that what prompted you to break up with me?”
She looked guilty. “I already knew we weren’t working, but he helped me realize it had to end.”
To this day, I’d been relieved Riana had had the courage to… Lord knew I didn’t. But if he had told her to stick it out, would I have had the guts to end it at some point? My guilty conscience groaned not to pull on that thread.
Not surprisingly, a rueful smile spread on her face. “Coop, he was right. Look at all that’s happened since we broke up. I was in the way, and you’re too nice of a guy to hurt me by admitting I wasn’t your world.”
We often talked about our time together. With Riana something had held me back, and I’d avoided the cause of my deep-rooted confusion instead of accepting there was a problem. The facts stacked up and could no longer be ignored, the main one being I always felt something was missing in every relationship I’d shared with a woman.
I had to wonder: if my situation with Ricky hadn’t come to fruition, would I have ignorantly continued down a road of avoidance and denial instead of finally realizing I had to figure myself out?
At seeing the sadness in her eyes, I took her hand and ran my thumb across her knuckles. “I do love you, Ree. You know that, right?”
“I do… and I love you too. I just want you to be happy.”
“I know. I want the same for you.”
She squeezed my hand and winked. “Okay, so let’s make a pact to find happiness. You first, and your homework assignment is to listen to Dr. Lair.” When I rolled my eyes, she blatantly laughed at me. “You always liked a challenge.”
“Yeah, with running marathons or reading a new book in one day. Not airing my dirty laundry over the radio.” While narrowing my gaze on her, I finished off my burger with one last bite.
“Fine,” she conceded, knowing me well. “Then for extra credit your second assignment could be to find me my dream man.”
“Ugh… that’s even worse. How about I just treat you to lunch?”
“Nice try, Stanton…” She speared a grape tomato with her fork and pointed it at me. “You always treat me to lunch.”
“It was worth a shot.”
The moment I stepped into the terminal, I called Riana. “Hey,” she said after just one ring.
“I’m here.”
“Okay, good. And remember, if you need to talk at any time, I’m a call or text away. You got this, Coop.”
I truly wished I felt the same but blandly responded, “Thanks, Ree.”
For me, arriving in Fort Lauderdale was a tad bittersweet. I looked forward to the time I’d be spending with Rebecca and her family, as well as being there when the baby arrived. But, you see, my sister was all about happiness and love and rainbows and goddamn unicorns flying out her ass. She believed with every fiber of her being that once you found your person, nothing could stop fate from playing out.
In her and Marco’s case, fate prevailed by screwing over the executives of the cruise line they’d worked for when they’d quit to start their own business. In my case, she made it very clear Ricky had flipped a dormant switch within me that no amount of denial could flip back, and until I accepted that, I couldn’t be happy.
Denial was her favorite word of late.
But she’d dismissed the one tiny detail that mucked up her assumptions… I wasn’t gay.
Her only response was to accuse me of more denial, and I had to wonder why she fixated on my so-called denial.
Were there times she suspected something I didn’t know was there myself, like the men who hit on me? Did they all pick up on a vibe I never knew I’d been throwing? What had Ricky called it… gaydar?
Those were questions I waited until seeing her to ask, when her always-telling facial expression would supply the true answers. Not that I accused my sister of being a liar, just a bad actress. Even if she voiced words laced with empathy, her eyes would always reveal what she truly believed in her heart. That talent came from our mother, and unfortunately I’d inherited that same trait. Which explained why Ricky could read me so well. Emotionally, I was a carbon copy of his best friend.
And just as stubborn.
I’d lost track of the amount of times I’d hung up on her these past weeks. Of course, she never got angry, only more determined. Having her playing the role of devil’s advocate was a dangerous situation, and now being in her territory would fuel that demon in her disguised as a proponent for my love life.
Three months with nowhere to hide.
And as my mind drifted to the fact I’d be within close proximity to Ricky, that damn pulse began to beat slow and hot inside me.
Fuck.
Ignoring it yet again, I strolled through baggage claim with the enthusiasm of a man heading to his own execution. In the distance, I spotted my sister sporting a brilliant smile.
“I’m so glad you’re here!” she called out as I approached. The moment I reached her, she threw her arms around my neck, while her baby bump wedged a good foot of space between us.
“Me too.”
“Muah.” She planted a big kiss on my cheek before releasing me.
“Damn, Becks. You got so big.”
“Tends to happen the closer a woman gets to her due date,” she quipped with an exaggerated eye roll. “Marco is circling. Once we get your bag, I’ll text him. We’ll chill by the pool, bring in dinner, and relax tonight. I bet you’re tired.”
“Sounds perfect.”
Being here now, seeing her enthusiasm, her adorable pregnant belly, and the pure joy on her face caused guilt to pinch in my chest. My sister wanted only the best for me. I knew that, and I promised myself I’d try not to lose my patience with her during my stay.
“But tomorrow I made a reservation at your favorite Thai place,” she said, linking her arm with mine. “Oh, and I invited Ricky.”
And just like that… like a car careening off a cliff, any guilt I felt or patience I clung to imploded in a scorching burst of flames.