I could’ve easily listed all the reasons as to why his concern was bullshit—his recent semiretirement and his ability to have a long-distance relationship without worrying about financial hardship were just a few. None of which meant a damn thing if something developed between us. Yes, that was the hopeless romantic in me speaking, but now that I was committed to figuring out this electric connection we seemed to have, I’d be damned if I let his excuses stop things before we even got started.
So instead of voicing what I had a feeling he would scoff at, I went with a stating-the-obvious tactic.
“No… because if you walk away, it’ll be a matter of time before your heads…” Skimming my leer down his body and back up, I continued with, “Both of them… will drive you insane. You know it, and I know it. We want each other, consequences be fucking damned.”
That seemed to light a fire under his ass, because he closed the distance with one large step. “A bit of information about me,” he said, getting right in my face. “When I start seeing someone, I go in hard in every way.” And again, my dick twitched. “Dates in public and not in private locations like my apartment.” He waited for an objection, which he didn’t receive, and went on. “I’ve been in the closet, and I have no desire to go back in. That means no hiding.” He paused but slid his hungry gaze down to my mouth. “And no inhibitions when becoming intimate… none.”
That time, my dick not only twitched; it grew harder. What the fuck was it with this guy? It never failed for him to get a rise out of me, without so much as a touch.
Bringing his lips a breath away from mine, he asked, “We clear?”
“Are those supposed to be threats?”
“No… they’re realities.” He stared long and hard again, waiting for me to crack.
“Well…” I ran my tongue across my bottom lip, enjoying the way his eyes tracked the motion before admitting, “I can handle your realities.”
Chapter Twenty
Ricky
He wanted honesty—well, he got it.
“Okay then,” I said with a nod, not having a fucking clue what to do now. Well, that was a lie. I wanted nothing more than to show him how real things could be between us. Despite his calm, there was no way he’d be ready for that. Not to mention the fact that once again he never flinched—not a blink, not a swallow, nothing to indicate that what I said had freaked him out.
If he had, I could go into this with my guard up, knowing he wasn’t ready. By Cooper showing the contrary, I would have to protect myself all the more.
“I have one question,” Cooper said while folding his arms defensively.
“What?”
“Do you trust me?”
If I were to be honest with myself, it was his confidence I didn’t trust yet. I knew him well enough that following through with something was ingrained in his personality. That was what all this could be, a way to put closure to what I had accused him of. And my libido argued that if that were the case, well, too bad on him. He was a grown-ass man. He wanted us together, then he’d have it.
It was my self-preservation that wavered, because truth was he had gotten to me… not just sexually but also emotionally. Somehow Cooper Stanton had wormed his way into my emotions, making this an entirely new game for me.
I did tend to fall hard and quick. Since Corey, I’d had four other long-term relationships… at least long term for my standards. A year or so, running full speed ahead right out of the gate. But each of them had been with men who’d been extremely comfortable in their own skins. They’d also been promiscuous in their sexual relationships, and their two-timing ways had been what had ultimately done us in. Pathetically, I’d had no issues with being cheated on, rationalizing I’d known what they were before I became involved. Sick as that sounded, consciously engaging with chronic cheaters made me feel more in control than engaging with someone who drowned in confusion.
But not one of those past relationships had managed to fuck up my head as much as Cooper had already seemed to.
“Apparently, you don’t,” he went on to say when I still hadn’t answered.
“I trust you as a person.”
“That’s a cop-out. You either do or you don’t.”
“That’s not true. You can’t fault me for not trusting that you’ve come to terms with this new revelation of yours… so quickly at least.”
“Four months isn’t a blink of an eye,” he countered. “While you were on your yacht working, I was home hashing and rehashing every minute detail of our conversations, our kiss, our undeniable attraction.”
“And you came here still questioning it, most likely treading lightly until you figure it out.”
“Says who?”
“Says me.” I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. “Jesus, Cooper. There’s a lot more involved than fooling around behind closed doors… or to sitting back and letting a man jerk you off. Accepting sexual acts from a man is an entirely different scenario than giving them.” He wanted to know why it was hard for me to trust him, then he’d know. “And going public is a fuck-ton more difficult than keeping things a secret.”
He rolled his eyes and huffed. “Ricky, just because I have no idea how to act in public with a man doesn’t mean I’m not ready to. You can’t fault me for being inexperienced in that area. But questioning that I’m ready to explore all that and more is not fair.” He slipped a hand in his pocket and pulled out his phone.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Ignoring me, he tapped the screen a few times and suspended the cell in the air between us. “Hey, you,” a female voice said over the line.
“Hey, Ree. I’m sorry it’s late. I hope I didn’t wake you.”
“Did you forget we share the same awful sleep patterns?”
Cooper chuckled even as his eyes drilled through mine the entire time. “True. So, I’m here with Ricky—”
“Well, yay,” she interrupted, and her enthusiasm was clear in those two little words. “You told him your decision, I take it?”
“I did. He’s having a hard time believing I could’ve made a decision so quickly. He’s on speakerphone.”
“Oh, hey, Ricky. Nice to informally meet you,” Riana said over the line.
“Same here.”
“Coop, can you pass the phone to Ricky?” Cooper’s brows shot up, but before he could say anything, she added, “I just want to talk to him for a minute.”
Wordlessly, Cooper tapped the screen and handed me his phone. “Hi.”
“Hi. I’m sure Cooper is glaring at you right now, but I wanted to just say this to you without him hearing it. If you choose to tell him, then go ahead.”
“I’m listening.”
“He definitely hasn’t come to this decision lightly… trust me. But having said that, I’m not sure he would’ve been open to this if it weren’t you in the equation.” I looked away from Cooper’s scrutinizing focus while taking in all she said. “He needs someone he can trust with his vulnerabilities.”