One way to ensure that didn’t affect me was to remain unaffected. In the meantime, I could get into more of what had just happened between us.
If I weren’t feeling so boneless, the fact his flaccid cock was eye level, just as mine was with him, would have almost been comical. But there was nothing funny about what had just happened between us. Shit, I could do that every hour of every day for the rest of my life and die a happy man.
It was Cooper who finally spoke, his deep voice projecting upward. “Is it always like that?”
When I lifted my head, he did the same. “Like what?” I thought I knew what he was insinuating but wanted him to say it out loud.
“Like…” He lowered his head to resume staring at the ceiling while I waited. “So draining.” A spontaneous chuckle rumbling out of me had him bobbing back up with a grin. “What’s so funny?”
“I didn’t expect you to say that… but no, it’s never been that draining for me.”
Catching my insinuation, I winked when he shook his head. “I meant draining emotionally.” And bam, again he flipped it to where my insecurities came flooding through those gates, overpowering the possibilities. His hazel eyes narrowed as a myriad of doubt morphed over my face. “Why the scowl?” He sat up in judgment and hugged his knees.
“I don’t know. You look…” Mimicking his posture, I stared him straight in the eyes. “I guess I wasn’t expecting you to say that either.”
“Why do you assume my admission is a negative thing?”
“Isn’t it?”
“No,” he was quick to reply. “It’s an unexpected thing, not a bad thing. I can’t explain it, but how does sucking your cock make me feel closer to you? I’ve gotten my fair share of blow jobs by women, and never had I felt any kind of emotional connection. It was just a physical act with a conclusion. But with you, I feel connected in a way I never had before now, and it caught me off guard.”
Shit, there went my “not ready emotionally” theory. Sure, it had caught me off guard, too, but I wasn’t ready to admit as to why yet. Instead, I made it about him and said, “What we did was pretty intimate in itself. Add in the fact that you’ve never done that to a man before, and that creates this connection you claim you feel.”
“Claim?” he spit out. “Is this how it’s going to be? You questioning me at every turn?”
Right then and there I should’ve confessed a niggling feeling that continued to consume me. A pull, a draw, a frustrating need to want more with him. But I couldn’t bring myself to voice any of that.
Not wanting to ruin our euphoric aura, I instead leaned closer and placed a hand on his thigh. “Cooper, if I don’t challenge you, be it in a positive way or negative, then who will?” I watched him process my statement, waiting for another confrontation. His being defensive came with the territory. I knew firsthand it was normal for that self-preservation switch to flip on. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t call him out on it; nor did it mean I would censor myself to avoid hurting his feelings.
The lines across his forehead smoothed as he said, “I’m sorry… you’re right.” The honesty behind his words, combined with the sincere expression on his handsome face, caused that damn longing to pinch inside my chest once again. It’d been a while, but I recognized the emotion that had been absent in my life for quite some time.
I cared about this man. A lot. I wanted him to be happy. If with me, great. If not, then so be it. Either way, I wanted Cooper to find happiness.
But me being me, I ignored the sappy stuff and went with what I did best. “I’m always right.” His brows rose when I maneuvered my naked body over his. But when I rotated my hips, a low sexy moan while his hands gripped my hips had us both growing more interested by the second.
“Hello.”
“Hi,” he said, almost shyly.
“I think we should take care of this,” I admitted, shifting my chin downward enough to focus on where our bodies aligned. We were just rubbing, and it already felt incredible.
“How?” That one little word held just enough hesitancy to confirm he still wasn’t ready for the heavy stuff that I once threatened him with… even as another roll of my hips brought with it another moan.
“Don’t worry. I have plenty of ways of how.” While staring into his eyes, I wedged a hand between us and took hold of his now rock-hard dick.
“Ricky.” He whispered my name as a plea.
“Yes?” I asked against the scruff on his jaw before running my lips toward his ear. He remained silent during my assault, but his heavy panting and tightened grip on my arms spoke volumes. And during his entranced state I took the opportunity to show him how.
After we got each other off again using more of the same methods by hand and mouth, we showered together, making out the entire time. Having his wet, slick body grinding against mine fucked me up in frustrating ways. And then ending up in my bed, having our naked bodies entwined, continued to test my willpower.
At that point, I forced myself to tamp down the sexuality… because I could’ve fucked him into next week if given the opportunity. Instead, we talked for hours. We had known the basics, having shared childhood stories and adult experiences all those nights we’d talked while I was on Bella Viaggi.
But this time Cooper made it more personal by admitting his constant struggle with needing to please those around him. He felt that was probably attributed to the length of some past relationships, having them drag on much longer than they should have. I was surprised to hear he always felt like the oddball in his family. With two older and two younger siblings, his role had never been clearly defined, and he tended to walk to the beat of his own drum because of it.
I then talked about the bond I had with my mother and how frustrated I was over her refusal to move to Florida. I even went as far as inviting him to join me on my next visit, and his agreeing further fucked with my head.
Sure, in jest I had called him my boyfriend when we’d run into Christian. But after these last few days, the time we spent together cemented it, and I actually asked him to be on an impulse.
“I thought we already established that,” he challenged with a smirk. “During your test at the Palm.” I smacked his ass, mainly because he was on to me at every turn, and it only turned me on even more.
Somewhere around 3:00 a.m. we fell asleep, and I was first to wake around noon the next day, a little confused and a whole lot freaked out. Cooper lay on his stomach, facing away from me, with the sheet barely covering his naked ass.
He’d spent the night.
I hadn’t had a man spend the entire night in my bed in ages.
I also hadn’t slept for nine straight hours in forever.
It had to be because of him.
And I hated that I loved having him there.
Just as I dragged on a pair of sweatpants, he woke and turned to look my way.
“Morning.” Sleep caused a deepening timbre of his voice.
“Actually, afternoon.”
“What?” He grabbed for his phone. “I haven’t slept that good in years.”
“Me neither.” Not wanting to delve into why and ignoring the way his eyes roamed over my naked torso, I cleared my throat. “Um… hungry?”