I remained stone still, the only movement coming from the flare of my nostrils with each heavy exhale.
My subconscious screamed to run.
But I didn’t.
Not even when his hand slid around the back of my neck.
Not even when his head came closer.
Not even when his lips pressed against mine.
The kiss lasted for a fleeting flash of time, no tongue, no real passion behind it. Yet, when he pulled away, the lasting effect traveled straight through me. He smirked at my catatonic state so intently I hadn’t realized he’d removed his hand from my neck until I felt it mold over the fabric covering my hardened cock.
“No,” I said, rushing back a few steps and raising my hands in defense to put distance between us. Or was it to hide the evidence of my body remembering what my thoughts just had? “Don’t.”
Ricky tilted his head curiously. “Don’t what?” he asked, humor crinkling the corners of his eyes. “Is something on your mind, Cooper?”
Not trusting my voice to appear unaffected, I slid my head from side to side.
“Yes. Something is bothering you.” He then casually slid both hands into his pockets while leveling me with the exact same heated expression he’d had in my dream. It was as though he knew what I’d dreamed about… and as though he knew that a few seconds ago it had vividly replayed in my mind.
What the fuck was his game?
“Just stay away from me.” I didn’t give him a chance to respond, taking off in the opposite direction from where he stood. And I didn’t stop until I reached my cabin and quickly ducked inside.
It felt as though every part of me was in on a sick prank. My body betraying me in the way my heart pounded erratically as nerves twisted in the pit of my stomach, the way the back of my neck beaded with sweat, and the way my cock remained heavy and aroused behind the linen fabric of my shorts. The pull I felt toward him was unfamiliar, but its intensity was hard to ignore.
The only part of me that seemed to be logical was my head… and it kept screaming over and over that I wasn’t gay!
“Where the hell have you been?” Sam barked when I appeared almost an hour later.
“Writing speeches,” I lied, scanning the small crowd that had congregated on the deck. “I wrote like five of them.” Another lie, but I was great at winging it.
“Well, everyone is here. We’re departing right after breakfast. Can you do a quick toast during it?”
“Quick isn’t my game,” I said with a wink, which didn’t amuse him. “Chill out. Your best man has it covered.”
“Okay. I just want everything to be perfect… for Lydia.”
I chuckled at his nervousness. Sam didn’t do nervous. “It’ll be a fairy tale.” Spotting our parents, I clapped his shoulder. “I’ll be back. I have some news to deliver.” I then beelined toward them. “Looks like trouble has arrived,” I said, pulling my father’s attention.
“Cooper!” Instantly, I was in his firm grasp as he added, “You’re not one to be late, son. Where were you?”
“Best man stuff,” I replied, looking down at him. The man was seriously shrinking every time I saw him. Moving from his arms to my mother’s, I said, “Hi, Mom.”
“My son. How are you?” She hugged me harder than my father had before pulling away to examine my face. “You look pale. Kevin, doesn’t he look pale?” I sighed when my father took a good look at me and then nodded. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”
“I’m fine, Mom. How was your flight?”
“Wonderful. I like flying first-class,” she admitted with a cheeky smile. “I had a mimosa. Oh, and they gave me this delightfully lilac-scented warm towel to wipe my hands with.”
“Don’t get used to it, Ellen,” my dad was quick to say.
“There he is,” Griffin called out as he, Janis, and their spouses came closer. “How’s our baby brother?”
“Can’t complain.” Hard hugs were exchanged with Griffin and his wife. But when my sister Janis and her husband, Dean, called me out on their less-enthusiastic greeting, I argued, “I just saw you two for the holidays.” Refocusing on my eldest brother, I asked, “How’s California?”
“Amazing,” Lily responded for them. “I do miss Jersey, and all of you, but I fell in love with San Diego.”
“What’s not to love?” Dean asked. “My firm did well with the relocation… tons of perks to keep my wife happy.”
“This is true,” Lily admitted with a grin. “You all must come out.”
“We were waiting for you to settle in first. We’ll be visiting very soon,” my mother announced.
“We will?” my dad grumbled. The man was happy watching a ball game in his Barcalounger and never leaving the house.
“Yes, we will,” she scolded, as though he were her sixth child.
“Dad, wait until you see my man cave, complete with a sixty-inch TV to watch your Yankees on.”
My father’s eyes widened. “Well, then. I can’t wait,” he said, changing his tune.
“Hey, where’s Ree?” Janis asked, surprising me it took as long as it had for anyone to notice.
“She didn’t come.” And just like that the man cave was forgotten, and I became the center of attention in our family circle.
“Oh no. Is she okay, sweetheart?”
Six pairs of eyes laser-focused on me as I steadied myself for their reactions. “We broke up.” The females gasped as the males frowned.
“What happened?” my mother whispered, as if I’d just announced someone had died.
I took a good long moment to organize my words. “I’m going to say it once, and once I do, let’s please not rehash this.” My siblings and father nodded, but when my mother didn’t, I pegged her with a poignant stare. “Mom?”
Before I could even recite my rehearsed spiel, she began whining, “Cooper, you two were so good together. I was convinced she was the one.”
“Mom…” It was her that I focused on as I slowly repeated what I had already said to Sam and Rebecca. She tried to interrupt a few times, but with a raised palm I powered on. “Ree is very special to me, but it’s done. It’s over. And I don’t want to talk about it anymore. We’re here for Sam and Lydia, and celebrating is what we’ll be doing.” Scanning the rest of them, I asked, “Okay?”
One by one, they all nodded, and when my attention landed on my mother once again, I ignored the tears in her eyes. “Mom… okay?”
“I just want you to be happy,” she voiced sadly, ignoring my plea. “I worry about you, Cooper. You’re always so focused on others, you neglect yourself. You deserve to be in love.”
One would think. Between my career choice, and the successful relationships that surrounded me, it shouldn’t be this hard to find happiness. But my entire life I felt like the black sheep in my family. Not because of anything they did to alienate me—more so because I never felt as though I fit in.
As hazel eyes exact to mine watched me with compassion, I pulled her into my arms and kissed the top of her head. “I will be… someday,” I admitted, knowing I had probably just lied to my mother.